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One step forward, two ..... you all know the saying!


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Hi all,

 

It seems like it’s been awhile again since I last posted a thread, but I hit a milestone and have been feeling a bit up and down this past week. Just felt like writing it all out so I apologies if it’s a bit long.

 

Just to recap; split with ex of 10 years, lived together for 8, brought our first house 2 years ago, 3.5 months since split, 1.5 month NC…. I think, lost count.

 

The milestone comes in the fact that I have just completed and handed my dissertation in for a Master’s Degree I have been studying for the past 3 years. I know I should be happy with this right? But I was looking forward to this time for so long as I was excited to be getting a chance at spending time with the ex where we could travel a bit more and visit some exotic places now that my tuition was paid.

 

So the realization that that’s not going to happen now has had me staring at the grey clouds that have been forming in my head. I know I can still do those things in some capacity but not as I originally thought I would be. Also I know these grey clouds will pass but for now they have knocked me back.

 

Generally I’ve just been getting on as best as I can post BU, I’ve been throwing myself at hobbies and interest I enjoy doing, guitar lessons, climbing, and running clubs, forming some new social circles, and spending time with current friends and family. It feels tough going sometimes but nothing is instant really is it.

 

I know I’m in a better place now than I was the first few weeks of the BU; but I am by no means healed yet as you just can’t erase 10 years in a blink, not unless there’s some new pill out or some form of surgical 2x4 to the side of the head?

 

Thing is I quite like this new person I am becoming through discovering myself again, previous to my current ex I was with someone for 5 years so for the first time in a long time I’m living by myself and getting to know me. This is both exciting and scary as when the storm clouds form I catch myself ruminating on the past with the ex and what we would be doing if here in the house together. I never thought I would be in this position again at 35 (dont feel it or look it wondering if I’ll ever find someone to share a life with, but that’s the universe for you, likes to keep you on your toes.

 

Finally for anybody who managed to make it all the way through my scribing’s let’s end on a positive. You just got to let time do its thing and get out there and live and make life happen. You were a person before your ex and you will be a person after, say yes to everything and take chances get messy and make mistakes along the way its all good. I wish everyone well with their healing and keep pushing forward one day at a time.

 

Gettinup

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Hi Gettinup,

Firstly, congratulations on your dissertation for your masters!

10 years with someone is a long time and it will take quite a while to fully heal from this, but it seems as though you are doing really well.

I really think you will find someone to share life's experiences with soon, but you have made great progress on your own so far anyway.. don't forget that.

One day at a time buddy, moving forward.

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“Good on you! Your last paragraph should be required reading for everyone on here!”

 

Thanks melancholy. Sometimes it can seem like an impossible task to stay positive and motivate to get out there and do something, you just have to force yourself to get moving.

 

“Firstly, congratulations on your dissertation for your masters!”

 

Thank you sputnik. It was a long slog to get to the end of that thing but it’s in and done now which is a big pressure off.

 

“10 years with someone is a long time and it will take quite a while to fully heal from this, but it seems as though you are doing really well.”

 

I think I’m doing as well as I can, as mentioned above its hard some days to get going….. She hurt me, I’m still broken. But the frequency of the bad days is being outweighed by the good now, one step at a time I’m clawing my way back.

 

Have a good day all

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As Sputnik* says, we are all here....

 

As the days and weeks go by now, I am resigning myself to the fact that she is gone for good now and it is going to take some time for me to fully heal from this.

 

And thank god for this forum. I have some friends fully getting angry at me now because of their own frustration I guess. It's hard to comprehend deep grief if you're not in it, or fresh out of it....But we need to talk it out for as long as it takes. So long as we are then putting it aside for a while and concentrating on other things....like the great new girl that we are going to meet....

 

I know too well how accomplishing something makes you miss your ex. Of course you want to share these moments with them...but we can't.

 

It saddens me a bit that you haven't heard from your ex in 3.5 months, but I guess that tells us all we need to know right?

 

And lastly, 35 years old!?? Man, enjoy that while you can *sigh*

 

Keep it moving

Carus*

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Hey Carus thanks for the reply fella.

 

As I mentioned above I think I’d say I’ve been doing alright lately, but finishing the MSc was just a bombshell of a trigger. All the feelings and memories of what we were going to do in this time just came flooding back. It’s a setback but it can be moved past, just got to bunker down through the storm.

 

“And lastly, 35 years old!?? Man, enjoy that while you can *sigh*”

 

Hehe!, I’ll take that one thanks mate.

 

Also…. Totally not jealous of your house on the beach.

 

Stay strong.

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.....but finishing the MSc was just a bombshell of a trigger. All the feelings and memories of what we were going to do in this time just came flooding back.

I totally get that....

 

A BIG part of the reason my ex left me was, I bought a small business which I had to borrow $100,000 to do....

 

I wanted to pay that off as quickly as possible which would then set us up for the next 15 years...

 

Unfortunately this meant working 6 nights a week for the last two years....She had dinner by herself, went to bed by herself and went out with her (single) friends on the weekends....She started to drift and started to want that life more and more...so she went about sabotaging the relationship so she could get out. She had to do this because she loved me deeply and knew she was tossing a good Man....

 

And so the irony is, similar to yourself, I have just this month now paid off that business and would not have to work 6 nights a week anymore...I always told her that was the plan, be she couldn't wait and had already started to drift....

It’s a setback but it can be moved past, just got to bunker down through the storm.

You are right, and at the end of the day, what choice do we have...? Sink or Swim I guess.....

 

The pad on the beach is certainly incredible and will be a good place to heal up for the next 12 months, but it is a lonely sunset by yourself....

 

Hope you're having a good day*

Carus*

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