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Hi, so I(17) been together with this girl(18 ) for almost 2 months now. We never met irl. We met online through language learning app. So a brief background about my gf. She used to have depression when we first got together. Now she's taking medication, she doesn't have them anymore or at least its under control. She's a pretty negative person at times. Now she is dealing with stress problems which isn't too big of a deal. Nothing significant I notice that is affecting the relationship yet.

 

So the thing is I have some problems communicating with her. She isn't really like most friends I talk with...or almost anybody else I talk with. I narrowed down to a few possibilities to why we have this problem. She is either a little egoistic, bad at conversation or doesn't know how to love. I am not sure which to be honest.

 

Examples of how our conversation usually goes. She will start complaining about her problems at me and I would try to comfort her as much as I could. Sometimes she just kept repeating the same problems and I don't know what else to say anymore. One time, she kept complaining for about an hour and a half straight then she asked how was my day. Another example is when I have some problems and I need some support or encouragement, she will always just say something then will proceed to talk about how she fit into the situation that I am going through and start tell me how she gone through this or that. When we talk, she would more likely to talk about herself more. She also doesn't really ask questions when we talk which is a little difficult to carry the conversation. Usually I end up asking her a bunch of questions and carrying the conversation most of the time.

 

I actually talked with her about it. I told her that I felt that she doesn't care or take interest in me. She felt bad, said sorry and everything and said she would get better and change. She did get a lil bit better. Sometimes she would ask me how my day was. After I told her what's going on and everything she would proceed to talk about herself without trying to continue what I said. Its a little frustrating to be honest.

 

I read article talking about falling in love with someone who doesn't know how to love. The description does kinda of fit her in some way which is " You put in the time and effort to get to know them but they don't do the same for you. They don't have anything to say during your highs and lows because they don't know what drives you. It hurts because you are excited to get to know them and put in the effort to do so but their efforts aren't returned". Sadly this mostly describe what I felt.

 

I know most advice I am gonna get is to dump her. But other than this problem, I can see that she actually loves me. From time to time, we had some fun joking around and even sexting. I want to work things out and give this a shot before I end things. Am I just expecting too much ? Or is it somehow my fault ? Any advices would be helpful. Cheers

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Look, stop getting ahead of yourself here. Chatting on the Internet is not dating. She's not your girlfriend. You can't have a normal relationship with a girl unless you date her for real -- take her to the movies, out to eat, hang out in parks, go one drives to nowhere. 60% of how we communicate is non-verbal. You could meet for real and say, blah, I hate this girl.

 

Saying this, she has so many problems that's all she can think about. She is still depressed. The meds might be dulling it a bit, but she probably has no friends and she just needs someone to complain to. You're it. You're training her a bit to at least ask about how you're doing, but she's too wrapped up in herself. You meet these people in real life all the time. All they can talk about is themselves.

 

I'm not going to say dump her because she's not the girl for you. I'm going to say dump her if she doesn't live in the city or town that you do. You can't make love (in the old-fashioned sense of the word) to a computer. You can't hold hands, run your fingers through her hair, or even kiss her. You can't snuggle or experience the world together. She might be less wrapped up about herself if you were to date for real. Or she could be worse. You just don't know. Stop falling in love with what's basically a chatbot. Go out and find a real girl. Get a life, like William Shatner once said.

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