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Does this guy like me?


amkxoxo39
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The idea of your future, which idea you have attached to this man on Bumble: The idea originated from you. You created it you chose to attach to this man, and you have the power to take it back and attach it to yourself, where it belongs .

 

Excellent advice!

 

I'm sure I'm gonna edit this after I check but amok didn't you write a post about it wanting men who want you?

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I think I have every right to be upset. I'm on looming for other guys to talk to, who do want to date. Which is a positive step. But fate throws in my crush, who is on looking for other girls. It's a little upsetting.

 

I'm done bothering with him. I can't take it anymore. Its making me upset and stressed. He isn't the one for me. I like him so its sad, bit I need to stop answering his messages. I'm never asking him to make plans again. I'm going to ignore him at all costs unless work is involved. He and I barely ever work together so I can stop talking to him so much.

 

I realize for my own sanity, I need to cut him out. Doesn't mean I am still not a bit hurt. I put myself out there and am so sweet to guys, and the immature ones take advantage and use me for a fun ego stroking chat buddy.

 

Respectable guys who really want to date won't do that and have not done that to me.

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I think I have every right to be upset. I'm on looming for other guys to talk to, who do want to date. Which is a positive step. But fate throws in my crush, who is on looking for other girls. It's a little upsetting.

 

I'm done bothering with him. I can't take it anymore. Its making me upset and stressed. He isn't the one for me. I like him so its sad, bit I need to stop answering his messages. I'm never asking him to make plans again. I'm going to ignore him at all costs unless work is involved. He and I barely ever work together so I can stop talking to him so much.

 

I realize for my own sanity, I need to cut him out. Doesn't mean I am still not a bit hurt. I put myself out there and am so sweet to guys, and the immature ones take advantage and use me for a fun ego stroking chat buddy.

 

Respectable guys who really want to date won't do that and have not done that to me.

 

But you don't want respectable guys who want to date you. You said as much

 

I feel like I wanted to write this for girls, like me, and my friends, family, who feel like they are trying so hard, and not getting results as they want with men. Most recently, I had a girlfriend come visit me to vent. She was saying how she met this new guy in her life, and he's nice, cute, smart, and dotes all over her, but she is having a hard time fully liking him. Everyone around her keeps telling her that he's great, and he treats her so well, but her feelings are still unsure about him. I myself, have been feeling this way about a guy in my life, and I was on the quest to figure out why my friend and I, both mid 20s, felt this way time and time again.

 

She and I are both cute, motivated, and try so hard. We put effort into how we look, eat well, exercise, paint our nails, wear the newest shoes, and have our lives together, but it seems every time we walk into a bar, we get ignored by the guys we want, and approached by the ones we don't notice. I'm not saying the guys who talk to every girl, or the guys who are sadly unattractive, but we end up picked up by the mediocre guys who have secure jobs, lives, and treat us like gold. But for some reason, this doesn't make us happy. We want the guys who don't care to turn their heads. We feel validation when we get someone who is not going to turn their head, to turn. It means our hard work paid off and we were the prize to someone worthy. Thats what we strive for when we get all dolled up. When we eat the nasty protein bar and run and extra mile. When we spend $200 on our hair and get the painful eye brow wax. We want the "cool" unattainable guys to notice. But in the end, the ones that notice are the nice ones. The solid choices. The safe choice.

 

Time and time again my friend and I have gone after the "cool" guys. Trying to show them how great we are, how hard we try, and how worthy we are, and time and time again, we get our hearts broken. We keep complaining about the men we get, and how no good ones are out there, but we keep choosing the ones that need their heads turned, instead of the ones that turn them right away.

 

My friend is now in a relationship with the good guy. The solid choice. The golden boy. But she still comes to me and tells me she is unsure, confused, and feels trapped. I feel for her, because now I am in the same mindset.

 

I'm dating a new guy. He acknowledges how hard I work, how nice I look, how accomplished I am. All what I strive for. All of which I hope to be acknowledged by men. He treats me like a princess. But I find my mind, like my friends, wandering back to previous flames who were no good, or potentials, whom we still hope to stand a chance with. Its sad really. We miss guys whom treated us like dirt. Because its comfortable territory. We feel like we need to earn our worth. We seek validation.

 

And on this quest we want someone to notice and turn their head when we are running the marathon. We seek the head turner at the finish line when we completed the race. We think we did well and they think we are awesome by the end. But instead we end up with guys who turn at the starting line. The ones who think we are awesome for even running in the first place. The ones who want to cheer us on until we finish. And celebrate with us after its done. But we feel unworthy of this type of thing. We feel insecure that they see the real us, before we have proven ourselves worthy.

 

I'm not saying that us girls need to stick with people we truly don't like. But for the girls like me, and my girl friend, to be open minded to the head turners. They see all the hard work you've put in and they want you to know it. They strive to win you over and not the other way around.

 

I'm not perfect. I am still figuring out my feelings. I don't know what will happen with me, or this new guy.

 

On another note, we also can't understand why the non-head turners, won't turn. But never does it cross our minds that they are not looking to turn. Another case in point that many of my friends, and myself have gone through so often, is guys being unavailable or not looking for a relationship. We continue to go after them anyway. We feel, the harder we try, the more they will notice. And we think by getting their head to turn, we have changed them. We changed a guy whom wasn't going to be with anyone. "Anyone" being the prime word. They aren't looking to be with anyone, including us. Time and time again, myself many times, my friends and I cry about being ghosted, but then ghost the good guys. We are used as a FWB, and ponder why they don't want to commit. But in reality, instead of turning their heads immediately, these guys heads slightly turned, and we ran full force at them. It had to be a sign. They twitched their eye brow at us. They like us. But time and time again, we are left heartbroken and sad.

 

Again, I am not advising girls to go with guys they don't like. But maybe, just maybe, consider those early head turners a little more closely. If you are looking to be in a serious relationship, and to potentially get married, those are the tried and true guys looking for that too. That's why their head turns in the first place. They are LOOKING. Non-head turners aren't looking, physically aren't looking. They don't care. It makes so much sense.

 

Back to my girl friend venting. She is still unsure of her feelings for this guy. And I tell her that it is perfectly normal to feel this way. She isn't used to being treated in such a nice way without earning it. But she does earn it, by just being herself. He is tooting her horn for everyone to see her. He is doing everything she and I always wanted. My guy is too. Its important for both of us to get over this validation and insecurity and really dive right in to see if we actually want someone with these men. Its important to remember, actions speak louder than words, so next time you go out, make sure you remember to embrace being the immediate head turner, and not the last head turn of the night.

 

You know your habits you know they aren't healthy but you keep doing the same thing and then you throw yourself a pity party. Eventually you gotta help yourself, there's only so much others can do for you if you don't choose to change your actions

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Yes, as much as I post on here about my confusion with men, I do think I am very self aware.

 

I love and attach myself to men who don't like me as much. I think it stems from me not liking to be smothered and pinned down by a guy who loves me before getting to know me. So I like guys who are a bit more casual with me, which is bad because they are casual because they arent fully invested and run hot and cold. I think I feel too much pressure and fear giving away my heart to those who invest right away in me, because then they expect something from me, and I am self conscious about not meeting their exoe6ctations, so I shy away. And I think I fear that once they get to really know me, they won't like me and leave me when I have gotten attached and opened my heart.

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Yes, as much as I post on here about my confusion with men, I do think I am very self aware.

 

I love and attach myself to men who don't like me as much. I think it stems from me not liking to be smothered and pinned down by a guy who loves me before getting to know me. So I like guys who are a bit more casual with me, which is bad because they are casual because they arent fully invested and run hot and cold. I think I feel too much pressure and fear giving away my heart to those who invest right away in me, because then they expect something from me, and I am self conscious about not meeting their exoe6ctations, so I shy away. And I think I fear that once they get to really know me, they won't like me and leave me when I have gotten attached and opened my heart.

 

You sound very self aware and intelligent.

 

What do you think would happen if you 'earned' this guy? I mean if this guy suddenly showed you complete interest, what do you think would happen?

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I really wish I didn't like him. I'm letting him ruin my mentality. My happy life.

 

Just was on bumble browsing. He pops up. New photos, serious profile.

 

I'm crying, because he has someone good, cute, smart, right in front of him. Me.

 

You can't wish feelings away. You can just choose how to react to the feelings that come. He doesn't want to date you and he's acting jerky when it comes to being a friend by flaking every time a plan is talked about. He doesn't have someone good, cute and smart in front of him that is the right match for him. And that's ok. He probably also got turned off by you continuously chasing him and asking him to hang out even though he'd flake - that was his jerky way of giving you the message that he didn't really want to hang out with you. He never was "hot" or "cold" - he was simply acting like a guy who liked texting and bantering with you and occasionally flirting - there was no casual or hot or cold because he never intended to date you with any serious potential whatsoever.

Not everyone is going to like you or want to date you. He might have had some attraction to you and enjoyed flirting with you but you want someone who wants more than that with you. While you were texting him all day instead you could have been doing something productive or fun for yourself or something that furthers one of your goals -or whatever. Stop wasting your time chasing people who don't want to be with you and stop wasting your time on pity parties (ok, I'll give you 5 solid minutes a day to feel sorry for yourself -how's that??)

 

You can let someone get to know you without getting attached or opening your heart - that comes much later. But please don't choose to invest time in someone you have to chase like you're chasing this guy. If you're so self aware you'd stop with the "I can't help how I feel" or "I wish I didn't feel that way" -in some ways you are self-aware and in others you have some work to do.

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At work. Something was brought up about Valentine's Day. He starts saying how he's hasn't been single for it since high school and he's a relationship guy, as he was with only two people for like those 8 or 9 years. And how he loves being with someone seriously and wants that.

 

Heart breaking.

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Your holding yourself in the position your in. Stop talking to him, and texting him. Why do you even need to talk to him at work? He must get the hint, that your annoyed and upset that he won't date you.

 

Do whatever it takes to stop thinking about him, and to stop this cycle of woah is me and look how miserable I am. Do all the things Batya suggested to meet new men. You can do it!

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At work. Something was brought up about Valentine's Day. He starts saying how he's hasn't been single for it since high school and he's a relationship guy, as he was with only two people for like those 8 or 9 years. And how he loves being with someone seriously and wants that.

 

Heart breaking.

Why? He’s never asked you out on a date. He’s never kept a plan with you and he never followed through when you asked him out. He wants a relationship like many do. He doesn’t want one with you. He’s allowed to want who he th Mos is a good match for him. He’s allowed to text you and flirt and banter. It’s not polite of him to make plans and not keep them of course but on the other hand he knows you are cool with it because you keep coming back for more. Maybe he thshould now you have little regard for your free time. Because that’s the impression you give. He doesn’t want you in that way. You want him in her way. It’s not a heartbreaking situation it’s a typical situation however disappointing.

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I don't understand why you're surprised and heartbroken when it's been crystal clear for months that he isn't interested in dating you.

 

You are the one breaking your own heart by continuing to hope he'll change his mind.

 

I bet there are thousands of men in your city, many of whom would love to date you.

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I know. Lots of guys seem to like me at school and such. Now he's texting me about stuff we talked about at work.

 

So what? Are you obligated to answer? Or are you still trying to get him to want to date you?

 

It's concerning how quickly you brush off the idea of dating other men. Are you going to say "but I want him!!!!?

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I'm going to go out on a limb and say your attraction to him is based solely on the fact that he's acting uninterested. You don't care about the other guys at school because they actually want to date you. Some would say you want the challenge, some would say you have commitment issues. I don't know what it is, but I'd bet a shiny quarter the extreme emotional tie you have to him is more about you than him.

 

I feel like I've written this exact thing before, maybe even on this thread.... I feel like we're going in circles because you aren't letting him go.

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I know. It is me. Its true. I have commitment issues.

 

I like earning someones affections because I think deep down, I'm more worthy if I earn it. I am probably turning him off so badly because he knows as soon as we do anything together that I'm gonna think it's a date and I'm gonna really like him. He has to know I already like him. I also think I have issues with feeling smothered when guys like me really early on too fast. I feel like they don't know me enough to like me that much. And it freaks me out, So I like guys who are more casual, not smothering. They get to know me, like a friend but then you grow into more because then I know they really get to know me and that's what they like is the real me not someone after a couple hours together. I done this before. I like guys that aren't as interested in me thinking that as soon as they get to know me a little but that they will just love me because I am great and cute and smart and I know that I have lot of good attributes because other guys do like me but I never like them.

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Many years ago I had a huge crush on a guy at work. Huge. I am pretty sure there were moments when he considered dating me but it never happened. And I never felt lead on or anything even when he was slightly flirty. I remember the day I found out he was dating a coworker - she was very pretty and kind of "perfect". I was crushed. And he kept it a secret and ironically, my former classmate was his roommate and so my crush tried to hide it from him, too. Eventually they got engaged and I was delighted when he ended things with her (she was really annoying to me) but by then I had a boyfriend and my crush and I actually became good friends. And here's the irony - 5 years after we became friends, I actually dated his older brother rather seriously for 5 months. Sort of a consolation prize lol. My crush married a woman he met on a commuter train and I helped plan the bridal shower. So now we've been friends for almost 20 years and he really never knew for sure that I had a crush on him (which is good). Life works in mysterious ways. I like being friends with him, it's been a long time since I had a crush on him, and it all worked out the way it was supposed to.

 

Maybe with work guy in the future -after you and he no longer work together, when you are both involved with other people -maybe you two will strike up a friendship when the dynamic isn't all tense on your end. You never know. Hope you liked my stor.y

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And as bad as I want to, I didn't respond to his text. I want so badly to talk to him though. Because we chat so well.

 

Maybe its better if I don't. He might realize I won't always be around, and he had to work a bit for my attention.

 

So you're still hoping to get him to want to date you?

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And as bad as I want to, I didn't respond to his text. I want so badly to talk to him though. Because we chat so well.

 

Maybe its better if I don't. He might realize I won't always be around, and he had to work a bit for my attention.

 

Why should he have to work for your attention - that sounds like a strategy to get someone to be more interested in dating you if you feel you need to scale back availability as a chat buddy. He doesn’t want to date you. Please don’t invest precious time pretending he does. Your friends have boyfriends. Do you think they spent a lot of time stategizing on how to get someone they knew wasn’t interested to be interested in them? Bet not.

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And as bad as I want to, I didn't respond to his text. I want so badly to talk to him though. Because we chat so well.

 

Maybe its better if I don't. He might realize I won't always be around, and he had to work a bit for my attention.

 

Why should he have to work for your attention - that sounds like a strategy to get someone to be more interested in dating you if you feel you need to scale back availability as a chat buddy. He doesn’t want to date you. Please don’t invest precious time pretending he does. Your friends have boyfriends. Do you think they spent a lot of time stategizing on how to get someone they knew wasn’t interested to be interested in them? Bet not. Do you potentially want a boyfriend or someone you type back and forth with and it’s fun to do that. If the latter stick with this guy. But then please don’t complain about not meeting men to date.

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I think I am done. I hope so. I just talked to a good guy friend of mine from school and gave him the background, pretty much told him all of what I have told you all.

 

And he gave me similar advice and piece of mind. As a guy, he pretty much said how that if this guy got out of a long relationship this past fall, that he is still hung up on the girl, even if he doesn't act of express that. He said as a guy, he definitely is still hung up on her. He says that most likely he does like you, he wouldn't take and flirt if he didn't, but those down times of him being a friend or just even missing, he is thinking and hung up on her so he pulls away. I feel exactly as I did circa 2013. Met my ex, he was hung up on his ex, he liked me, but blew hot and cold at times driving me crazy. Not a situation I want to be in. He said its like me working out. I have been working out and going to the gym to make myself better. I know what I want. Engaging with him is like me leaving the gym and going to eat tons of chocolate. Its counter productive to my goals. When I engage him, I m feeding his goals and lifestyle, foregoing my own. When my friend put it that way, I really got it and it hit me coming from another man.

 

I do like him, but I can't wait around and waste my life on guys whom don't fit into what I want. Here I am criticizing all these men online, and him blowing hot and cold isn't something I would take from a stranger. I am going to keep trying, to work on myself, and find someone who does want to be in my life all the time, and fully engaged in dating.

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I don’t agree in the least. He flirts with you over text because it’s easy and fun. If he wanted to make sure you’d be available when he was ready to date he would make that clear. Takes about one or two sentences “I’d love to date you but right now I’m not available for a relationship. I hope you are still available when I am”. Eh told you today he wants a serious relationship. But apparently not with you. He’s not blowing hot and cold. He’s not blowing romantically at all. He flirts sometimes over text and you respond. It’s a free country and it’s fine to flirt and not want to date the person. I think your guy friend just wants you to feel reassured that it’s not you. It’s that he doesn’t click with you that way. It’s noth My Personal.

He does not want to date you. He doesn’t see you as girlfriend material. Other than for your ego who really cares why. Sure some people are not over a breakup and aren’t ready. In my experience men who meet someone who sparks them are ready pretty quickly or less typically will still not be ready or feel cautious so they tell the special lady the truth and hope she’ll be available. obviously they don’t make plans and break them because that will offend the potentially special person for them.

My friend met a guy at a bar in the late 2990s. Really hot guy. He called her a few days later. Said he’d just gotten out of a long relationship and needed time - could he call her in a month or so? She said sure and forgot about him. He called a month later and proposed 6 months after that. They’ve been married 25 years. Really bad marriage but it was good for awhile. Point is he knew he wasn’t ready and didn’t want to mess things up with my friend. They were in their 30s at the time.

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How on earth can your friend know for a fact that this guy is still hung up on his ex? Has your friend met this guy? Had conversations with him? Ever even seen him in person?

 

Yeah, it's soothing to think he isn't dating you because he still wants his ex. But there is zero basis for this assumption and only serves to give you an excuse to keep up the pointless texting.

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