Does this guy like me?

[Batya33]

So that could be a great goal. Plan and take a trip solo or with a singles group. I went to club med a few times on my own and had a really good time. For example. Several of my friends have traveled all over the world on their own. And please don’t downplay movie nights etc- done with good friends it can be the best. I had a phone date last night with a long time friend and we had to plan to talk because we’re both so busy. Talked for an hour. Exciting? Not like you’re referring to. And nothing to post on social media about. But fulfilling and rewarding? Yup. It’s not all about what is supposed to be conventionally exciting. Because if you go on an exotic vacation you’ll still take yourself with all your positive qualities and neuroses. It’s not an antidote to “boring “.

I am concerned about responding to your anxiety over his merry Xmas text because I think it’s a nonevent. Both his text and your response. But yes it was perfectly fine to return the text in the way you did. If a bus driver said “happy holidays” to you would you stress about how to respond? same here.

[Alex39]

Yes, but I bus driver I don't know at all. I don't know one thing about him. I know this guy somewhat and think he's cute and I like him, so its a little different. I want him to like me. His merry christmas text still meant nothing, it was friendly. my friends wish me that too, so I can't take it for more. I guess I just wished he thought of me, as in, liked me, to want to send it.

 

I would love to travel more. I just think and was raised to think for a 25 year old woman, its sort of dangerous to travel alone. That's why I do not go unless I go with my family or friends. I don't want to travel with my two best girlfriends. They are terrible to travel with. I have once before. They wanted me to again last year but I said no. They cling together and they gang up and make every decision of what we do and I have no say against the two of them. I see my cousins going on vacations and fun trips with their boyfriends and girlfriends and I don't have that and wish I did. They have a companion to have dinner with and drinks, and hiking, and shopping, and everything. When my whole family goes on vacation they are couples and have someone fun to go off with, and I am always the odd one out. Well my brother is single too, but he is younger and doesn't care as much.

 

So traveling solo to me is scary and dangerous. I could go missing or be hurt and I'm by myself. I guess I can try and see if I can go with friends this upcoming year. See who would want to go, besides my two best girlfriends.

 

See now I am overthinking again. He sent me a snapchat picture and he was in line at a Walmart, and he said how it was gross and such. Some walmarts really are. So I commented "Exactly where you belong" and added a laughing face. I thought it was hilarious, but he never responded. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings.

[akrngrl]

OP, I see this as a reoccurring theme in your threads, agonizing over “what can I do to make him like me”. You’re so wrapped up in twisting yourself into a pretzel to win the attention of the current guy, that you don’t even stop to think “What are they doing to make me like them” or even “What do they bring to the table”. He’s being himself. He isn’t agonizing over texts looking for hidden meaning and trying to read into every statement. You should be yourself.

 

I can tell you from experience that any time I have ever followed the mindset of trying to “win” a guy, it has never worked out. If he truly wanted to date you and be with you, you could tell him you were watching paint dry and he’d more than likely want to watch it dry with you.

 

You really need to figure out what it is that makes you want to “prove yourself” to these men. I know you constantly say you have a lot going for you and you do a lot of things for you, but they’re not necessarily resonating with you. As long as you’re resentful of the fact that you don’t have anyone to go out and do the things you want to do with (and subsequently compare yourself to everyone else who does have a partner) you’re never going to be truly happy.

 

If you weren’t on social media the other night watching everyone be out at the bars, would you have felt as “lame” about sitting home? My guess is probably not, and even if you did, it wouldn’t have been half as bad. Own your life. If you really despise staying in then go out. Who cares if it’s with one friend or by yourself? Relying on others for your own happiness is the quickest way to disappointment (that goes for friends and ‘fellas).

[Alex39]

Thanks for the response and encouragement. I don't know why this happens. I just end up really liking someone and want them to like me and feel the need to chase them to remind them that I am so great and they are missing out. I think I do this naturally, because I feel some sort of satisfaction with getting them to notice me, and wanting to date me. Like if i can change their mind, its validation to me that my life and myself are really great and cool, but you are right, you never end up with these people.

 

My past has taught me that as well. I've had the guys who watch paint dry with me, and those are the guys who are tried and true and will stick around to be with you through whatever. They won't be too busy or make excuses as this work guy has done. Its clear he is holding me away to just be his friend right now, and thats okay. It stinks for me, but I am getting better at not being so clingy and talking his ear off with responses and such. I am slowly feeling better about it. I keep trying to think of him as one of my guy friends I have now, and nothing more. I am great, smart, cool, and I need to embrace what I do have, which is a lot. He sees it. I don't have to be constantly trying to tell him. If he wanted to take me out, we would have gone long ago.

 

I can't force it. I want someone to see me for who I am now, and want to pursue me as I pursue them. Clearly this guy doesn't. I am so concerned about being myself, and him not liking me. That is crazy. My funny response was funny, and something I immediately thought to say. Thats me. I shouldn't even question it.

 

I said something so extremely funny to him a week ago, and I was dying. He never responded. It was so funny, that I didn't even care. That is me. And if I am serious, thats me. And if I am boring, thats me at the moment.

 

I need to stand confident in that. He's my friend from work. We hit it off. Casual friends, one I can be myself with.

[Batya33]

"I just think and was raised to think for a 25 year old woman, its sort of dangerous to travel alone. "

 

Sorry, I'm not going to buy your "because I was raised" because if you're going to proclaim how you are an independent, smart, professional business woman who is more independent/accomplished/successful/educated on average than your peers then you don't get to do the "I'm not going to do ___ because I was raised to think ___" - brainwashed? Not a successful, independent educated business woman! You can decide you wouldn't like traveling alone but obviously there are tons of singles groups that travel together and if you don't have the kind of friends you want to travel with, make new ones, meet new people - you independent, smart, educated business woman (which yes I bet you are!)

 

He is like the bus driver because you need to figure out how to react to him that way. He doesn't know you well in the least- you've spent very little time with him in person and on a personal level you mostly trade photos and cliches and banter -he doesn't want to date you and that's fine -nothing personal.

 

He's not holding you away. He's not holding you in any way. He's not making any decisions about you other than what comes to him at a random moment when he decides to text you. If he were giving you more thought than that he would have rescheduled the date he blew off or followed up on the date he said he wanted to plan with you. He has no plan about you - and your mindset that assumes that he must be thinking of you in one way or another is your imagination. Assume he is not. He's a casual acquaintance and a co-worker. Much more like the bus driver than what you are projecting and imagining.

 

Do everything you're saying you need a guy to motivate you to do. Whether it's travel or dance lessons or antiquing or whatever. Do not wait. And the benefit is if down the road you meet someone you can share those anecdotes with them.

[Alex39]

I know. I'm going to try abd get some more of my friends on board with travelling.

 

I wish I didn't like him as much. I think I like the idea of him more than what is actually is, which is nothing.

 

I'm just so paranoid. I sent him the funny line that "exactly where you belong" with a laughing face to his response of being at walmart. He never responded. I sent something hours later, and he didnt respond again. I hope he didnt think my comment was hurtful. That he was trash or something. I thought it was funny, but I would never want to hurt someones feelings, crush or not.

 

I already reached out to some friends to make plans and start doing stuff. Hoping to get my life on track with fun, friends, and travel

[katrina1980]

amkxoxo, you are working against yourself when you insist on constantly texting him (or any man) wanting him to see how "entertaining, "witty," "charming," and "great" you are so he will start "liking" you more, in a romantic way.

 

Not sure where you ever learned that but men Do NOT fall in love with a woman because she is fun, entertaining, charming, witty.

 

Romantic love is intangible; for lack of a better way to describe it, a man falls in love with a woman's 'essence,' it's an energy, a chemistry, how he feels in her presence, how she makes him feel, simply by virtue of her being "her" and the special energy they share.

 

Same for her!

 

It doesn't even have to do with compatibility. I am very compatible with many men, find them witty, charming, entertaining but I have ZERO romantic interest in them because as I said there is no "energy" or romantic chemistry.

 

In fact, trying so hard to be witty and entertaining may have the opposite effect, will turn a man OFF because "you're trying too hard."

 

Think about how "you" feel when you are 'meh' about a guy, he's just a friend (like this man is) and he goes overboard trying to win your affection by showing you how entertaining and charming he is. Turn off!!

 

So get that notion out of your head and stop doing this!!! It's not helping, it's hurting you and making you appear very desperate and pathetic (sorry).

 

THAT is probably why he hasn't responded to you, it has nothing to do with 'hurting his feelings' or whatever other nonsense you have convinced yourself of.

 

Please read this forum! Read all the threads from men who are obsessing about some girl who "is not" texting or chasing him or falling all over him.

 

Men need distance. Learn when to give it, and conversely when to move closer. A man texts you, you respond back in kind (no need to wrack your brain conjuring up funny responses), and then WAIT for him to respond back to you.

 

Do not continue to txt him! It's suffocating and desperate. So just stop it. A turn off.

 

I suggested earlier you start reading, learn about men, what makes them tick, what they respond to, what draws them in, and what pushes them away, etc. Learn what it takes to develop healthy mutually rewarding relationships.

 

Anything you can get yours hands on, search google, there are tons of great books and articles out there.

 

People say you learn from experience, I agree with that, but this obviously isn't working for you because you don't learn from your experiences, you keep making the same mistakes and repeating unhealthy patterns.

 

So read! Learn!

 

Good luck amk, and happy new year!

[Batya33]

I agree with this and don’t think it’s relevant to this man - meaning don’t put any more effort or attention into interacting with him hoping he’ll want to date you. The chances are so remote right now it's a waste of your time and he knows how to contact you to ask you out in the future if he Chan he’s his mind. I think her advice is really helpful for how you choose to interact with other men in the future

[Alex39]

I agree too. Deep down I know it. I'm going to stop contacting him and being at his beckon call. I'm worth more than being an option to someone.

 

He just put up a snapchat to everyone, not just me and it was a guys guide to life and love and then it says stuff like "find a girl who works hard and lives housework"

 

"Find a girl thats honest"

 

"Find a girl thats good in bed"

 

and the list went on and on. It was a sign at a store. Then he captioned it "taking applications"

 

I of course would never respond to that. Its to everyone, not just me. And of course it makes me feel bad.

 

He obviously doesn't want to date me. It stinks. I offer all those things and more.

[katrina1980]

I agree too. Deep down I know it. I'm going to stop contacting him and being at his beckon call. I'm worth more than being an option to someone.

 

He just put up a snapchat to everyone, not just me and it was a guys guide to life and love and then it says stuff like "find a girl who works hard and lives housework"

 

"Find a girl thats honest"

 

"Find a girl thats good in bed"

 

and the list went on and on. It was a sign at a store. Then he captioned it "taking applications"

 

I of course would never respond to that. Its to everyone, not just me. And of course it makes me feel bad.

 

He obviously doesn't want to date me. It stinks.

 

___

 

 

**I offer all those things and more.

 

Again a man doesn't fall in love with what a woman has to "offer." Whether she's good in bed, a good cook, etc. That is not what attraction and romantic love is about.

 

Read my post again, it starts with a certain energy, chemistry, a natural polarity. Compatibility and what each person has to offer (assuming it's positive) are bonuses, but those things are not what create attraction.

 

Distance yourself from this man. Move away emotionally, DETACH.

 

Read and learn new ways of relating, what you're doing now isn't working, which you know, so not sure why you insist on continuing this pattern but just stop.

[Batya33]

I agree too. Deep down I know it. I'm going to stop contacting him and being at his beckon call. I'm worth more than being an option to someone.

 

He just put up a snapchat to everyone, not just me and it was a guys guide to life and love and then it says stuff like "find a girl who works hard and lives housework"

 

"Find a girl thats honest"

 

"Find a girl thats good in bed"

 

and the list went on and on. It was a sign at a store. Then he captioned it "taking applications"

 

I of course would never respond to that. Its to everyone, not just me. And of course it makes me feel bad.

 

He obviously doesn't want to date me. It stinks. I offer all those things and more.

 

But you're not just an "option" to him -that's in your mind again. In reality what you are to him is: a co-worker, an acquaintance, and someone he texts with on occasion with some flirty texts and sees in person at work. You are overlaying this with all the "I'm just an option" and "he was interested in me and now he's not" or "does he want to date me" - and partly that's so you can point a finger at him as someone doing something wrong. He did one rude thing. He agreed to go out on a date with you and then did not follow through on his agreement. Otherwise he's done nothing wrong in interacting with you. I personally wouldn't want to be involved in a relationship with someone who thought it was funny to post things like that on snapchat. I find it boring and tacky and it would embarrass me if that was my boyfriend or spouse. But it's not wrong of him to do that at all. It's fine - I was just commenting that it would tell me that we were not on the same wavelength for a relationship.

 

He is a single guy probably looking to date if he finds someone he wants to date. But please stop all this imagining about what you "are" to him beyond: casual acquaintance and co-worker. Assume he has no intentions or plans for you including keeping you as an "option" -this is real life not an episode of Friends or some reality show. What you do know is what you want. You want him to want to date you. He doesn't. It's now a huge mismatch with you obsessing over every text and even snapchats. So you can't be more than co-workers with him right now. You stay away if you don't want to keep choosing to feel hurt. It's not him at all. It's all you.

[boltnrun]

I recommend you stop "following" his social media.

 

If you can obsess enough over a simple,funny snap that you write paragraphs and paragraphs about it, it would be best to just stop the ability to look.

 

I mean, if you're lactose intolerant and drinking milk makes you nauseated and gassy, would the solution be...to drink more milk???

[Alex39]

I know its me. I am over obsessing, over thinking, and over everything at this point. I am trying to pace myself and calm m myself down.

 

I really am trying. He sent me something today and I did not respond. I don't want to respond, unless I know I can just be his work friend. He is just my work friend. I keep telling myself over and over. And I keep over thinking myself and him, and its changing me into someone I hate. Someone who is only thinking about myself. A guy likes to see a girl care about her friends, her family, her own life, but not to the point where she is all about her. I love my friends and family and its time I showed them some attention, and focused on them and my life and them in my life. I am a really caring person and I want everyone around me to be happy. I strive for that. I think my crush on him brings out this side of me that causes me to only think about me me me, because me wants him so bad and nothing else matters. But it does matter. My life matters in all other aspects. My friends happiness matters, my work matters, my other jobs matter, so I need to remember to cherish those things too.

 

I don't want to necessarily cut him out completely. Kind of hard to do when I will be sitting next to him at work three times a week. But I think instead of constantly trying to push something forward and searching every crevice for evidence that his period at the end of a sentence means he wants to date, and trying to plan dates for us myself, if I just sit back, relax, and be his friend, as I have many guy friends, I think I can do it. I have been literally telling myself over and over "He is your work friend"

 

Its been helping. If he wanted to date me, he could. If he wanted to hookup, he had plenty of opportunity. We mesh, we talk, and we vibe, but on a friend level. I keep trying to make it so I go deeper with him, but in turn I end up trying too hard, giving everything away of myself, in hopes that he sees the great real me. He could see the great real me if he wanted to. All he has to do is ask. A date, a question, anything of the sort.

 

I feel stupid for liking him. I hate that I like him. But I do realize it has to stop. I am better than this craziness over a younger immature guy who sends me shirtless bed selfies.

[katrina1980]

Yes you 'are' better than that crazy, and I chuckled at your comment "searching every crevice for evidence that his period at the end of a sentence means he wants to date you."

 

Mind if I steal that line from you, it was priceless!

 

You are so right about everything you posted, and good for you for finally recognizing that!!

[Batya33]

LOL re crevice!

 

I'm glad you see this is about you and in your control. No need to stop liking him because if you tell yourself to do that you'll go back to your excuse of "I can't help how I feel". Feel how you feel, choose your actions and reactions. And don't just "try" -do.

 

I would think of him as a co-worker and acquaintance at most. Not a friend. If you can purchase earbuds to use while you work (if that is permitted) or subtly turn your chair the other way, etc so you can create more distance, I'd do that.

 

One of my dearest friends who was also related to me died when she was 34 several years ago from cancer. She did quite a lot of dating in her late 20s after a disastrous affair (she was single, he was married). She met guys through on line sites and through set ups mostly. She was very cute, on the curvier side but not overweight, very smart and a wonderful person in a helping profession and highly educated. When she was dating she said to me "you know, if you sneeze the wrong way you don't get another date" because that was her impression of how easy it was not to be asked out or asked out again- and when she met her future husband on match.com he was full on from the first meet. In a good way. I remember he called her nail salon in advance to make sure they told her that it was already paid for, and courted her to the hilt. The truth is, she wasn't sure the whole time - because she'd chased affair guy for years and was over the moon about him in a bad way of course. And her future husband was almost too "nice" -but she stuck with it, she fell in love she said, and she was very happy to accept his proposal after almost 2 years of dating.

 

And here's the thing. On their wedding day - she was in her early 30s - she'd been recently diagnosed with late stage cancer. He stuck with her and married her. He took care of her the next 2 plus years when she was terminal. He took her on trips, bought her a therapy dog and bought her favorite cheap candy and fed it to her when she was dying because she was really out of it and that's all she wanted. He was her hero. But it was no surprise because he'd shown that from the moment they met. After she died, he asked me privately if she'd really loved him and I said yes - and that's my other point -please be really careful not to discard the right person for you - he probably could sense at times that he wasn't as exciting to her as affair guy. And the truth is, he wasn't -affair guy was edgier, and of course unavailable. Her husband was always solid and there for her and willing to try new things but really wasn't the most exciting person including to her. But she did love him and she got over the whole "chase the unavailable guy" thing.

 

I miss her a lot. And after she died and I found myself going after unavailable guys I'd hear the advice she'd given me when she was alive. And my son is partly named after her.

 

She made a great decision. And think about it - she chased affair guy for about 3 years in her 20s and only lived to age 34. Think of that percentage of time she could have been with a man who really cared for and loved her. Maybe she would have even had a child which she so wanted. Just consider it ok? (and no she had no history of cancer in her family and did not smoke or drink, etc).

[Jibralta]

You write one sentence declaring you're determined not to let him get into your head...then write several paragraphs about how much he's in your head.

 

I thought the same thing!

[Alex39]

This work guy is just a big UGH

 

I like him, and he frustrates me at the same time. He is reminding me more and more of my ex, which is terrible.

So he flew back into our area the other day. I am away visitinh family still, but I don't think he knows that.

 

He starts complaining about the weather right away and how cold northern cali is. I think he will ask me to hangout, but he doesn't. The next day, he sends me some snapchats, I answer one of them. He starts on this rant about how warm it was in southern cali, and the people here are ridiculous and its ocerpopulated with houses and he's lacking vitamin D and how do people even live here?

 

It was rude. I was shocked. I never responded. Later in the night we start snap chatting again. I ask him what is wrong. He complains that he's lonely and bored and wishes he was still back home. I tell him that I live alone and you just make the best of it. Spend some time alone with yourself, etc...

 

He doesnt respond, but sends me a picture of him drinking a beer. I don't respond.

 

My ex was like this. A complainer looking for attention. Its ridiculous.

 

I see know that I do not think he is going to make any plans with me over this break, because he could have asked already. But I am not going to sit and respond to him complaining like a baby that he is bored and lonely.

[smackie9]

Now you are being ridiculous complaining about him!

 

Ditch and block this guy already.....he's not going to turn into some nice guy if you wait a little longer.

[Alex39]

I think I am just being over critical of him.because I like him and he doesn't want to date me

[boltnrun]

"I see know that I do not think he is going to make any plans with me over this break, because he could have asked already. "

 

Not trying to be rude, but you JUST NOW arrived at that conclusion??

 

Honey, he is not interested in dating you. He said it himself, he's bored. And that is no reflection on you. Not everyone we like is going to like us back. Fact.

 

Now, dust yourself off and quit obsessing over a guy who isn't right for you! All this time you've spent obsessing could have been spent doing a zillion other, more productive things.

[figureitout23]

I think I am just being over critical of him.because I like him and he doesn't want to date me

 

Quite possible, bravo for you recognizing it though, lots don't.

 

Next step, challenge yourself, if you have to respond only respond to every other message. Then push it further every two messages. Then further, don't check your phone for a certain amount of hours.

 

I know it seems like game playing but I'm not looking at it as communication with him. I think it might work on your end to kind of lower/break your anxiety/addiction over him. I think once you get passed that and clear your head then it'll be easier to work on yourself.

[katrina1980]

I think I am just being over critical of him.because I like him and he doesn't want to date me

 

I get that, but I think the point smackie was making was that here you sit in judgment about this guy's "complaining" when that's pretty much all YOU have been doing since you started this thread!

 

Can you not see the irony in that?

 

And complaining is complaining, the reasons don't matter.

 

Agree with figureitout, if you can't do cold turkey, you may have to wean off of him gradually.

 

Personally, as with any other addiction (which this is -- love addiction which is a real thing google it), I believe going cold turkey is best.

 

But since it appears you are incapable of that, try weaning off gradually.

 

Best of luck.

[JaggerJim]

In my previous comment I wrote that he does like you. But after reading this entire thread, he is only leading you on. He knows fare well you like him, would like to date him, and he enjoys teasing you with the hope of "going on a date" knowing full well, he will cut plans the very next day and you will be ok with it. He likes, that you like him.

 

Some guys are just like this, they enjoy the attention and as Katrina said before "You are not a challenge". You see, for everytime you reply to every text, snapchat, you are being boring and predictable. There is no chase for him, no excitement. He does not have to work at all for anything from you. You see, for him to start thinking about you on a serious level, you need to learn some game (as Katrina wrote before).

 

1. When you are at work - joke, talk, laugh and have fun with him. Show him all the attention you want.

 

2. But when you are not around him - do nothing. You don't respond to any texts/messages/snapchat you go cold turkey and dissapear off the planet. He only gets to see you again for your "attention" back at work the following monday.

 

You need to shift what your doing and try something new to shake up his mentality regarding you. If he still does not care on "Monday" that you wern't around when assumed you would be all weekend then you finally have your resolution. Because everytime you write in this thread, it's the same old story............

[Batya33]

Hmm so I guess I can see the leading on part since she asked him out and she agreed to plans but on the other hand it’s not like she told him that she was really into him and ofckride he has not made a pass at her. It’s a free country and all he’s doing is texting and flirting- does he really have to stop doing that or risk leading her on? I’d feel differently if he asked her out on dates knowing she was serious about him and he didn’t feel the same.

[Alex39]

Yeah I am going to do as you said. I think being nice at work is good, but outside of work I will ignore. He ignores me when he wants to. Last night I saw on snap he was out to dinner with three girls.

 

Then to top off the night, he popped up on my bumble. His profile : I like going dowb on girls and getting then flowers. Great with moms. Love shopping and will let my girl fall asleep first and pick the movie. I'm an open book, ask away"

 

What the heck? I swiped no, of course.