Does this guy like me?

[Alex39]

I'm very happy to have gotten rid of the dead weight over sleeper who was holding me back. I settled. I did. I wish I didn't and I hope this is a lesson learned. I think I was more upset at the way he did it, than actually losing him. He didn't have the respect to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore in person or on the phone after three months. I don't want someone like that. The guy and I work and I have been communicating more and more. We seem to have chemistry.

 

He's been texting me more, and me him. He snapchats me more too. The other night he sends me a snapchat of two girls at his apartment. I'm assuming his roommate invited them over, as he has told me he does. The caption on the photo was "I wish they would leave"

 

I was surprised by this. I sent one back with my christmas tree, and said something cute. He responded "Wow, Thanks for the invitation." It was meant sarcastically as I didn't ask him over to enjoy the tree.

 

Today we went on a business trip, he and I, and some interns that we were leading. He told me at one point randomly "You have a nice christmas tree. I really want to see your place."

 

I was surprised by this.

 

Lunch time was strange. So his roommate and friends were in our group. He didn't really bother with them and at lunch time when we had free time to explore, they went one way and he went the other. He was going to go by himself, but he was kind of offering it up as anyone could go with him. He offered that I could go with him, but he was going alone regardless. I didn't really like that. It didn't seem like he cared if I was there or not, especially after he and I talked about eating lunch together at work earlier in the week. But when I did go with him, he seemed super glad. We had a great time. We went to a bar first. We each ordered a drink. I was only going to have one. Since it was only lunch time. We were going to get lunch food after the drink. I look over and his drink is half gone. Mine was still at the top. I started drinking a bit more frequent to catch up so we could go eat. I wasn't taking big gulps, just more frequent sips. I was shocked when he noticed and said "You know you don't have to keep up with me. I am going to have another."

 

Then I felt stupid. I should not have drank faster. I should have sipped as I normally would. I told him I could probably keep up with him, but I was going to stop at one, since we were on a work trip. We chatted and he seemed into me. When I would say things I like or things I believe in, he seemed super into it and into me. We were very similar at times, he said things that I was going to say and I said things he was going to say. Finishing each others sentences sort of. We walked around and explored different areas. We had fun together. At one point, he told me that we should go to this place near his home next summer. I was surprised. He lives far away. But he lives near water, which is something we both enjoy.

 

He kept asking me what I wanted to do or see, and wanted me to be happy and do things I wanted to do and he would follow. His roommate and his friends were texting him during it all about what they were doing, but he didn't run to them. At one point randomly again, he says to me "Let me know anytime you want to go to ***** restaurant, I will go, they have good drink and food deals on this day." He and I had talked about this place in the past, as we both like it and he had said let me know when you want to go, but I hate that as an ask. But him bringing it up randomly again, when we weren't talking about it, makes me think he really wants to go with me. At work the other day he mentioned how he did't want to propose to a girl with a diamond. I immediately assumed he was bitter or too hipster and told him that girls love diamonds and good luck finding a girl who won't want one. I was doing it in a teasing way. He then explained at work how he wants to go to this cavern that he knows about, and pick off a stone himself to put in a ring. Then I felt high maintenance and stupid, because that is so thoughtful and meaningful. So I told him that was completely different and very cute.

 

Today he brings it up saying how I seemed mad and disappointed at work when he said he wouldn't get a girl a diamond. I told him I immediately assumed he was bitter and when I found out what he wanted to do instead, I thought that was really nice. Not sure why he brought it up. It was interesting.

 

I asked him if he would like to go hiking this weekend. He said yes and we are in process of making a plan.

[Batya33]

Have fun hiking! He seems interested in flirting with you and hanging out with you. I would be very careful about drinking around him or at work. Stay sober so you actually get to know him.

[Alex39]

So I was super excited for our plans all weekend. I should have known it seemed too easy and good to be true. I texted him on Saturday to confirm plans. I asked "You still down for a Sunday hike?"

 

He said "I am. I just have to see about my working on final group projects." I know its a hectic time. I have finals for school too, and a lot of group projects, which has to be coordinated with everyone in the group. He is in double the courses I am, so I know he is busy.

 

I respond "Okay, it could be a quick hike and maybe lunch, if your schedule allows. Let me know what you can do."

 

He says "Okay, I will know by later tonight."

 

I assume he was doing some of the work, so he wanted to see how much got done, and how much needed to be done Sunday.

 

I waited all night. I got nothing. It is now bright and early Sunday and he never sent me anything.

 

I feel like I am so much better by myself, single, because I keep being let down by men over and over again. I really thought he liked me.

[katrina1980]

>>I am very happy to have gotten rid of the dead weight that was holding me back.

 

"Dead weight"? That was mean, and unnecessary.

 

And HE wasn't the one holding you back, YOU held yourself back, by continuing to date him knowing there was nothing about him you liked. To the contrary, you criticized him (his teeth, job, clothes, etc etc etc.

 

Why were you dating him again? For as long as you did?

 

As I said in earlier post, get some help for goodness sake otherwise you will continue to hurt others and yourself, as evidenced by what is happening with yet another guy whom you thought liked you but is blowing you off. And will now most likely start obsessing about.

 

This may also be karma biting you in the a$$.

 

You used the other guy, for godonlyknows what, attention, boredom, whatever, and now that you actually like a guy, he blows you off. As all the others guys you thought liked you did.

 

Something to think about.

 

ETA: And yeah me thinks you are much better off by yourself too. As many others advised also in your various threads.

 

I am glad to hear something stuck.

[Batya33]

I think you are over analyzing and over dramatizing. He was unreliable and flaked on your plan. That is all you know. Happened to me many times and not just in dating. I'm sorry you were disappointed but please don't go there with the negative generalizations. I think so far you know he likes chatting and flirting with you and he enjoyed having lunch with you. He suggested potential dates but has not yet asked you out on a date.

[Alex39]

I probably am. I just really thought he seemed to like me, and he can't even send me a text saying he doesn't want, or cannot go. Its disappointing. Its going to be awkward when I see him at work all day tomorrow. I can handle that. I just feel like he is purposely avoiding me now, which I never thought would happen. We seemed to be hitting it off, and as soon as I reach an arm out, he reverts. Like this guy was telling me we could go to his home, far away and do fun things together. I just don't get it. I feel bad, like I scared him away. Maybe mentioning lunch, was too much. I thought it was fine, and I thought I was opening the door to do something fun together. I'm bitter and sad.

[Batya33]

He said nice things to you. Watch the feet -what he does- not the lips -what he says. not because he is not trustworthy, because that is how you get to know someone. You made all sorts of assumptions about a coworker who flirted with you and said nice things over a period of a few weeks -huge, unrealistic assumptions IMO. You revert to "it's just......" and ignore most everyone's input, not just mine. "It's just" - this person, so far, enjoyed flirting with you, exchanging photos, and referencing future plans to go to different places. He hasn't yet asked you out on a date and was unreliable and flaked the first time you asked him to go on a hike. I would let him initiate rescheduling and say yes only if it was a true emergency as to why he couldn't tell you he couldn't go in advance and why you got silence.

 

It might be awkward at work - and you took this risk by flirting with a guy at work. You enjoyed the flirting. This is the downside if it's awkward. Maybe it won't be.

 

There's nothing to "get" -this person who you liked chatting with and flirting with so far isn't interested in dating you and so far has acted in an unreliable way. What you do need to get is that you crave drama and make huge assumptions based on little information. Examine why you do that -that might be helpful IMHO.

[Alex39]

He responded to me at 11pm last night saying "Hi sorry I couldnt go hiking today. I have been working on an important school project for the last ten hours. We will go soon, before the holiday break."

 

I waited all night and just responded this morning saying "its all good. Hope your week goes by smoothly."

 

Low investment text. He talked with me today already and things seemed fine.

 

I think maybe I was too upset over this. I wasn't upset at him or what he did. I think I was overly upset because I cleared my schedule for our plans, and he didn't come through, and then everyone else I knew was busy, and I was alone. I hated it. I felt like crap being alone all day. I am going to try to manage my feelings more.

[JaggerJim]

Yes I think he likes you. Guys don't bother with all this stuff with girls they don't like. He's just handling it all wrong.

 

Ok so after he flaked on your hike, you should pull back. Talk to him at work like nothing is wrong, but do not answer his texts/ snapchats/ calls. Just go silent.

 

When he hits you up about this, this is the opportunity to lay it all on the line. You say something like "If you havn't noticed, I really like you, and since I'm not sure if you like me, let's just keep it work related".

 

And then leave the rest up to him and continue on with your life.

[katrina1980]

He responded to me at 11pm last night saying "Hi sorry I couldnt go hiking today. I have been working on an important school project for the last ten hours. We will go soon, before the holiday break."

 

I waited all night and just responded this morning saying "its all good. Hope your week goes by smoothly."

 

Low investment text. He talked with me today already and things seemed fine.

 

I think maybe I was too upset over this. I wasn't upset at him or what he did. I think I was overly upset because I cleared my schedule for our plans, and he didn't come through, and then everyone else I knew was busy, and I was alone. I hated it. I felt like crap being alone all day. I am going to try to manage my feelings more.

 

I was alone yesterday too; I loved it.

 

I think once you start feeling better and more comfortable being alone and on your own, without this obsessive need for a 'relationship,' or even just someone to date, these types of things won't bother or upset you as much.

 

Ironically, men will sense that free-spirited independence in you as well, and it draws them to you like bees to honey. They won't be too "busy" or using an excuse to flake on you. They'll be "moving mountains" to date you, assuming they have a genuine interest in you.

 

You may believe you're acting all cool and non-chalant about things, but trust me people can sense your anxiety and dare I say desperation.

 

With this man, until he gives you a day he's actually available to take you out, take what he says with a pinch of salt.

 

It so easy to say "maybe" or "we will go 'soon', it means nothing.

 

If it were me, I would stop the office flirting and chit-chat.

 

You don't have to ignore him; be pleasant but keep it all professional.

 

Not to punish him or anything like that, but because again until he actually gives you a day, it's all just meaningless "talk' and means nothing.

[Batya33]

I agree with Katrina. I'd give him one more chance but only if he initiates the plan -time and place - and of course follows through barring a true emergency.

[Alex39]

At this point I have given up on work guy. He's great and all, but he is reminding me more and more of my ex, and his actions match that of when me and my ex started dating. He seems to want to live the guy social life, with his friends, living it up. My ex was the same way. I remember nights sitting in my dorm alone, to have my ex come home from a party I wasn't taken to, and tell me all about it. This guy was flirting with me this afternoon, but then tonight sending me snapchat videos of him drinking and playing games with all the people in his apartment floor. Like, why do I want to see that? What do you expect me to say?

 

Looks like fun. I hate that. I hate the guy who keeps you around with little hope, and then knows he has you there forever. My ex did that. Flirted with me sometimes to keep me around. Made plans with me occasionally to further keep me around, but always kept me far enough away to where I was left waiting. I like work guy. I like his personality, his intelligence, and his motivation in life. I feel we have a lot in common, but I also feel like he is never going to go anywhere with me while we work together, and I can't waste my time hoping.

[boltnrun]

Why don't you make plans of your own? You didn't have to sit in your dorm room alone.

 

Why do you hate being alone?

[Batya33]

At this point I have given up on work guy. He's great and all, but he is reminding me more and more of my ex, and his actions match that of when me and my ex started dating. He seems to want to live the guy social life, with his friends, living it up. My ex was the same way. I remember nights sitting in my dorm alone, to have my ex come home from a party I wasn't taken to, and tell me all about it. This guy was flirting with me this afternoon, but then tonight sending me snapchat videos of him drinking and playing games with all the people in his apartment floor. Like, why do I want to see that? What do you expect me to say?

 

Looks like fun. I hate that. I hate the guy who keeps you around with little hope, and then knows he has you there forever. My ex did that. Flirted with me sometimes to keep me around. Made plans with me occasionally to further keep me around, but always kept me far enough away to where I was left waiting. I like work guy. I like his personality, his intelligence, and his motivation in life. I feel we have a lot in common, but I also feel like he is never going to go anywhere with me while we work together, and I can't waste my time hoping.

 

He did nothing wrong and did not lead you on. He hasn't yet asked you out on a date and you are not dating. He was unreliable when you asked him out on a date (and Katrina and I made sugestions) You went along with the texting and snap chatting in the last few weeks and had a great time flirting with him. He didn't change - you did -now instead of flirting and chatting you want to date him. But he isn't feeling the same way as reflected by his actions -he did not ask you out yet and did not follow through on rescheduling when you asked him out.

 

He is not "keeping you around" -you are not a victim -it's a free country and if he wants to continue flirting and snapchatting what is wrong with him doing that -totally fine and exactly what you thought was so much fun so recently.. Your choice whether to interact with this person.

If you don't want to text with him -don't. It's that simple. But don't judge or be critical of him for interacting that way.

[willdation]

Too much analyzing. Yes. He likes you. End of story. Question - are you a more traditional girl that likes the guy to make all the decisions and be a leader? If no, then how about you ask him out, hm?

[Alex39]

I am a bit traditional, but more so bevause I've been burned in the past by guys whom I have gone forth and shown interest. I felt like I put myself out there and asked for hiking and lunch. He didn't follow through, so I'm not going to keep doing it over and over.

 

Today he and I hit it off again at work. We were talking. He was texting me from his desk funny stuff about my boss. We were flirty. At one point I said, its a good thing we're colleagues because we'd be trouble for each other. He responded that trouble is so much fun.

 

We are chatting it up in persom, and then I go grab a pad and pen and I'm like hey I got to go and he gets confused and asks me why. I tell him I have a meeting. And he responds "what noooo" really sad like he wanted to keep talking to me.

 

Then we're walking out for the day and we're talking and I'm headed to our company gym and he says he is going home. I then realizer his apartment complex and car are in the total opposite direction of where we are walking. I say, why are you going this way because its the total wrong way, and he's all "because im walking with you. "

 

He's like "well then I guess I can just walk of this way then," and he goes to stray, and im like "oh no, just didnt get it because you live the opposite way" and we laugh about it.

 

He then keeps saying how I should come to the gym later and watch him play temnis and beat all these other guys etc... I say maybe I can stop by on my way out for the night, but later when I do leave I don't see him. He then snapchats me that he got there late.

 

Not sure what to think, but after today my friends definitely think he likes me.

[Batya33]

Yes, he likes talking to you at work and hanging out with you. He is not that interested in dating you at this time because he has not asked you out on a date and he flaked when you asked him out on a date. You are not behaving in a traditional way -you're sending photos and flirting and chatting and being very available and you asked him out. Nothing wrong with that but you've shown obvious interest in dating him and that you're attracted to him.

 

What to think is what I wrote, IMHO - if you're interested for your ego in whether he likes flirting with you -yes- and that's also because he knows you're highly interested in him. If you want to know whether he's interested in dating you -then you have your answer, he is not, right now, because of his actions (he might be in the future but yes, there's no question on "what to think" and if you treat this as some kind of puzzle or confusion that's all on you -it's 100% clear that he doesn't want to date you right now - it's not clear how much he wants to flirt with you and hang with you at work and when it's convenient for him to have you stop by and watch him play tennis, etc).

 

If you get caught up in analyzing this and "what to think" at some point you're going to be too distracted to actually follow up on opportunities with men who are interested in dating you. Then you're somehow going to blame him for "leading you on" if he doesn't end up asking you out on a date and you're tired of waiting. Make a different choice, especially at work.

[Alex39]

So nothing has really amounted. He hasn't asked me out on a date and I feel stupid for being all hunky dory with him at work. I don't mean to be, we just get along so well and we end up talking and such.

 

I keep trying to see him as just a friend. But the flintiness that he has shown, and keeps showing, keeps clouding my judgement. I'm smarter than this. Its just so hard. So my mother was questioning if he just likes to talk to me etc, to pass time at work. As she and I were discussing it, he starts texting me, on a Saturday. He sends me a message "The parlor dinner looks really good." So to me, its not a work thing. He randomly texts me at all different times, in and out of work.

 

I was so confused at what the heck he meant. I asked what he meant. He then said how I had liked and put I was interested on a Facebook event for a parlor 5 course dinner event. I was surprised he was keeping tabs on my Facebook. I had totally forgotten and after looking at the price decided I wasn't going to go. I told him that. He then said "If I has my second job, I'd totally be down. "

 

I laughed and responded if he had his second job, he'd be working tomorrow. He laughed and said it was very true. It ended there. I really didn't think I had anything else to say to that.

 

I know I can't see things for more than they are, but was he insinuating that we would go if he had more money?

 

He works in my office part time and then goes to school. He signed a one year lease at an apartment, and it is very expensive. It was supposed to be split with him and his roommate, but the landlord changed the deal, and insist they pay each separate a larger amount. He has been so poor ever since. He had a second job at a restaurant, but the place was going under and he got laid off recently. He has been saying how its been so hard ever since.

 

Though I find this to be no excuse for not going out with me, as there are plenty of free things we could do, I question if it is partially a reasoning. I asked him to go to lunch and he probably figured he couldn't afford it, which is sad. Not saying this is an excuse. He could have been honest with me and said something ahead of time. He is always the one saying how we should go here, and do this, etc... so it seems he wants to.

 

I went on a small road trip with my mom later in the day Saturday. I was snap chatting and postings things, to everyone, not just him. He is sending me pics of him doing things. One cute one was him gearing up to go skiing, and he must have had one of his friends take it. Then he starts commenting on my photos, I posted publicly. I was surprised. One photo was this cute puppy floating in a pool. I put the caption "The way my life should be"

 

It was a joke. He committed on it to me saying "The way your life will be some day"

 

A while later, I posted a selfie of myself in front of some christmas lights. He comments on it saying "Aww so cuuuteeee"

 

I was a little surprised. He's never made comments about me being cute, or my appearance, or anything of the sort before.

 

Again, not asking me out, means nothing, I know we are simply friends who flirt. My friends think he really likes me a lot. But I just don't know. I am seeing him tomorrow. I think I'm conflicted. Do I ignore him? He hasn't done anything bad. He hasn't done anything good either. I think I am mad at myself for being a bit disappointed at him, because he really hasn't done anything wrong, and I still have a crush on him.

[Danicak11]

why not ask him out?

[Batya33]

Yes, he enjoys flirting with you on text -it's easy, effortless, he doesn't have to make any particular time for it or time for you. If he wanted to date you he would not want to insinuate or imply because he would not want to risk you being snapped up by some other guy. It's easy to ask someone out on a date who you know is highly interested -you already asked him out and followed up on it too and you flirt with him -it is more than clear to him that you'd say yes to a date. And you let him text you whenever and you respond so he doesn't even have to worry about timing -you're eager and available.

 

And yes of course you can control how you act and react - it's just feelings we can't control. You are choosing to show interest and be available whenever he feels like texting you or clicking on your Facebook.

 

Of course he's done good stuff depending on your perspective. He's a good chat buddy and fun to flirt with, right? He's done nothing bad, you are right and I'm glad you have that attitude. He might like you a lot and be sexually attracted to you and not be interested in dating you. Also could be that he likes a bit of a challenge and wasn't that into your asking him out on a date - and if that is the case then he might not be a good match for you since you wanted him to say yes and be comfortable with your asking him out. But I wouldn't analyze. No need -he hasn't asked you out, you want to meet someone who is interested in dating you and shows it. Not this guy. Maybe in the future but I wouldn't "wait".

[Alex39]

I know, words are words. He and I spent all yesterday and last night chatting and talking about everything, some flirty, some serious. I flirtily said somethimg about him owing me food. Somethimg he brought up at work yesterday and he initiated.

 

He then said how his final exam is over thursday and we can go after that. I said I was free Thursday, so that would work. But then he said his exam was at 4, and he would probably be drunk by 7. I dpn't know what that means? What about dinner? Does he mean at dinner? I just laughed it off and said how he should psce himself, because the burritos at tje place are well worth being sober for. I'm not feeling confident now that its a real plan. He mentioned a day and after his final, and it sounded so promising. But then that seemed to go downhill quickly.

 

We kept talking all night, anythimg from us loving to take bubble baths, to do you sleep walk? He asked me what are good tv shows I enjoy that he should watch. It was a good conversation overall.

 

I don't get him. We seem to click so well. He should just ask me out!

[IAmFCA]

I know, words are words. He and I spent all yesterday and last night chatting and talking about everything, some flirty, some serious. I flirtily said somethimg about him owing me food. Somethimg he brought up at work yesterday and he initiated.

 

He then said how his final exam is over thursday and we can go after that. I said I was free Thursday, so that would work. But then he said his exam was at 4, and he would probably be drunk by 7. I dpn't know what that means? What about dinner? Does he mean at dinner? I just laughed it off and said how he should psce himself, because the burritos at tje place are well worth being sober for. I'm not feeling confident now that its a real plan. He mentioned a day and after his final, and it sounded so promising. But then that seemed to go downhill quickly.

 

We kept talking all night, anythimg from us loving to take bubble baths, to do you sleep walk? He asked me what are good tv shows I enjoy that he should watch. It was a good conversation overall.

 

I don't get him. We seem to click so well. He should just ask me out!

 

i think he meant sometime after his final as in whatever day after that but no day before then... and then he meant Thursdays no good because he needs a break first. He would have been smart to say Fri, Say, Sunday whatever.... but since he is focused on finals he hasnt focused on his plans after that.

 

Its weird to plan a date for friday or saturday after finals, because of friends doing things in groups. I'd say you wilp end up at a party together on Saturday or go put to a movie sunday night.

[Alex39]

Well now I feel stupid. I didn't mean to put him on the spoy about Thursday. It sounded like he meablnt right after his final. I guess he did mean after, as in another day. He talked to me a lot after, so I'm sure I didn't turn him off. I feel bad now because I clearly didn't get what he was trying to say.

[Batya33]

He wasn't clear but I also would have assumed he meant after Thursday, not right after his exam. Remember, he already has made a bad first impression about keeping a plan. Let him ask you out this time, time and place.

[Alex39]

I feel ridiculous. I am too available, trying to conform to his life, instead of living my own. I don't know what has happened to me. His words get to me. I feel like he is starting to sense my weakness, and its not attractive for me to be this way. I am the anxious type, and I get clingy. It just kills me because it happens with some guys, but not others. I hate it. I hate feeling this way about him. I am trying so hard to just be me, and thats the girl he got to know. I'm strong, and successful for my young age of 25. Been working right out of college, moving up in my field and going to higher schooling. I feel like I'm blinded by him, and I keep trying to impress him, and remind him of me and how great I am. I'm trying way too hard. I think I get so hung up when I meet someone who I click with, because its rare that I find it, and I feel the need to nail it down, thinking they feel the same way. Then I end up chasing them, and trying to make it happen, and I forgo my life, my needs, my time for this person.

 

I'm better than that. I have a lot going on and I hate that I think about him all the time and want to see him more, than he wants to see me. His priorities are his life, and mine should be mine. Its so hard when you have a crush.