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Breaking up with someone in recovery


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Hello there!


I recently posted about problems in my relationship, specially a difference of values between us. I have decided that these issues are grounds for breaking up, and I no longer see a future in this relationship. I know breaking up is the right thing to do, but I am worried about his reaction. I think that I ammore aware of these issues than he is, and that he will be blindsided with this information. He has a history of chemical dependency, but has had a long period of sobriety, and has not used while we have been together. Not too long ago he had a very stressful situation and told me that it made him want to use/relapse. I am afraid that if I break up with him, he might lose it and relapse. I know that I am not responsible for his sobriety, but I cannot help but feel concerned about the well-being of someone I care about so deeply. For many years we both thought that this relationship would lead to marriage, and it will be very shocking to him to learn that I do not feel this way anymore.


Is there any way that I can break up with him that will be less shocking? Do you think it is appropriate to reach out to his support system after the break-up so that they are aware? I had thought about planning the break up right before he goes to meet up with a family member so that I know he will not be alone during the initial shock.


Looking for constructive advice.


Thank you!

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Drug addiction cost me my marriage so I can speak on this issue. My wife would not get clean and I finally gave up when she had an affair. First and foremost, HIS addiction is not YOUR problem...(Say this until you are blue in the face.) There is no easy way to break-up with a person so just do it. The sooner you walk away the sooner you start healing. I do not envy your situation an wish you all the best. I would give ALANON a try.

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What did he do that make you want to break up. i would sit down and have a calm conversation and tell him it isn't working for you anymore. If he is strong enough in his sobriety, he will reach out to accountability partners if he needs to. You cannot put yourself through with staying JUST because you are afraid someone won't react well. Don't reach out to his support system unless he requests you to directly because that violates his privacy. Maybe he has felt this coming to an end as well.

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