Boyfriend being distant and "off". So confused. Please help?

[bpickett0088]

So I haven't been with this guy long. Its only been a month. We've known each other 10 years and never saw him as more than a friend until now. He tried so hard to convince me to give him a chance, which took him months. He has a history of lying and cheating. In fact, he did this to his ex exactly a year ago. He told me he changed and that he's always been there for me and tried harder than the guys I've even dated, to be with me. I let him over one night and we talked. From that point, I felt like I should give him a shot. What would it hurt? Things were great. Talking on the phone, video chats, hes been coming over once a week due to his demanding wrecker service job. He's on call about every night and he lives an hour away so makes it rough to see each other more frequently. Last night I saw him was last Saturday. He surprised me with pillows and a comfortor because I didnt have one due to issues I had here. I thought that was very thoughtful of him and told him he didnt have to. But after that, things feel like they're kind of going downward. Not calling me as much as he use to, not messaging me much and texts go unanswered. I see he's online bit hasn't read my messages and at times doesn't respond. I have confronted him and he assures me everything is good with us. But something still feels pretty "off". This might sound a bit childish but he has no connection with me on social media whatsoever. Even mentioned deleting Facebook a couple weeks ago but its still there. I mentioned he doesn't have a friend request option but he avoided that topic completely. One morning his alarm went off, and I thought it was mine since I usually have it set for work and thought I just forgot to shut it off. I didnt know where my phone was so I got up to try guiding myself to the phone while the alarm was going off and turns out, it was his. He wakes up and goes "hey!" And grabs it and lays it beside him to go back to sleep. I confronted him about that too and he said that its out of habit mainly because his kids try to get it. But I dont know, I feel something isn't adding up. I tell him I'm not sure about us and he flips out but then I get this behavior? I'm so confused and numb. I dont get why he would try so hard to be with me and even knowing how I'm feeling now, why he'd pull this? I need some outside perspective. Its eating at me.

[DanZee]

Emotions are a funny thing and we don't have much control over them. The feelings that he had originally may have faded a bit. And then he could also be picking up on your getting worried and needy and jealous and that can push him away more. It's difficult to say. I will say that guys don't worry about relationships like women do. Women seem to be endlessly evaluating how the relationship is going while guys just either feel like showing up or not.

 

The advice I can give at this moment is to try to relax a bit and not drill him about whether you're drifting apart. You mentioned kids, so it sounds like he's got other things to worry about and his time is at a premium. He's probably tired when he gets to see you. Talking about your relationship is the last thing men want to talk about (guys dread "the talk.") Yes, it could be possible he's sleeping with his ex, but you don't have any evidence at the moment. I would just say to cut him some slack for a few weeks and see if he eases up a bit and becomes more relaxed around you. But you don't want to be the reason he breaks up with you.

[Andrina]

I'd avoid someone who is known to lie and cheat. Relationships are hard enough without attempting something with someone who has poor ethics. It sounds like he likes the chase, and then isn't interested enough to go into the next phase of putting effort into building a beautiful relationship. The relationship, instead, is regressing. You gave dating him a shot. You're not happy with the results. I wouldn't continue on with someone like this, but if you want to give it a last shot with communicating what you want, you can see if he cares enough to improve over the long run or not. Good luck.