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Should I try to talk to him or accept it's done?


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I had a very short thing with this guy I work with over the summer and on breaks. We only managed to go on two dates before I had to leave to go back to school, but they were both amazing and we had really great chemistry. Once I left he started texting me every day and flirting really boldly, and even straight up told me he was into me so it became clear he liked me.

 

Randomly after about a month of being really into each other and texting all the time, he went silent for a few days. When I confronted him and asked what was up, we talked on the phone and he confessed to me that he had always suffered from anxiety, and there were some things about our situation that were exacerbating it (i.e. I’m potentially moving in a year, I’m quite religious and he’s not, etc.). He told me he dates pretty seriously, and thinks about marriage early on, and he couldn’t see that with me without there being significant problems along the way that he wasn’t sure he was ready to take on. But he said he still liked me so much and wanted us to stay friends . . . and that if down the line it turned out we felt we could overcome those relationship hurdles he mentioned, we could talk about dating again. Since things hadn’t been physical or serious up to this point, I figured it wasn’t a huge deal.

 

Since then we’ve ended up becoming pretty decent friends. We continued to text pretty frequently, hung out both times that I’ve been home in the past couple of months, and had a decent chunk of tentative plans for things we would do when I was home for longer over Christmas break, all initiated by him. In all of these interactions, we’ve both continued to respect friendship boundaries and everything has been kept COMPLETELY platonic. Through all of this I kept receiving really positive signs that he genuinely wanted me around, which I was happy about because I do enjoy spending time with him.

 

Last time I was home, things got a little weird. We had made plans (initiated by him) to spend a day together hiking and getting lunch, but after these plans were made I found out my roommate would be coming home with me for the break. On the day we hung out, I kept feeling bad that I had left my roommate back at my house alone when I was supposed to be hosting her. I still had fun, but I probably seemed to be on edge, and I ended it weirdly early for us. I later felt bad because he had requested the whole day off work and driven a significant ways to meet me, but we only spent a couple of hours together. I didn’t explain to him why, and I realized later I probably came off as kind of cold. I tried to make up for it the next night by asking him to hang out again, but he ended up kind of blowing me off by saying maybe, then not giving me a definitive no until 11pm because he “fell asleep” after work. It made me mad, so then I left to go back to school without saying goodbye (which I had promised I would stop by work to do before I left).

 

Since then it’s been about a month of weird communication. For a while he would still text me, but would do nothing to hold a conversation, so we’d only get one or two texts back and forth before he’d stop answering. Even that ended up getting more spaced out, and now it’s been about two weeks since he’s even initiated a text with me, and I’ve initiated twice, to which he answered but again wouldn’t hold much of a conversation.

 

I can’t tell if he’s backing off because he was offended about what happened the last time I was home or if he’s just not interested anymore and is trying to get me to back off. Part of me is also wondering if this ties back in to his anxiety (which I can tell is very real and not just an excuse). I don't know how far to push him to keep trying with me in spite of that anxiety, because I really think everything would be okay, or if that's not my place.

 

I’m going to see him next week at work. I know him, and I know he’s going to act super nonchalant about everything. I miss our friendship and I was looking forward to some of the things we’d talked about doing together when I’m home all of next month. Is it worth trying to ask him what’s up or will that just make me reek of desperation? At this point should I just take a hint that he doesn’t want anything with me anymore despite the fact that everything was going so well as friends before the last time we saw each other?

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I say carry on as if you don't notice any changes in him and when its getting closer to you going home, text him that you'll be home next week and you are looking forward to doing _____ (insert activity here) when you get there.

 

See how he is when you're there next month and do your best to stop worrying about it until then.

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