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Confused by this breakup


Lotusavx
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I was with this guy for about 3 months. He was someone who I was set up with. Recently before us dating, a parent passed away, and he is dealing with illness in his family. We spent a lot of time together and we both enjoyed each others company. I knew this was a difficult time for him, so I just focused on being there for him, not getting too emotional or expecting a lot from him. We did decide to be exclusive about a month in. He did a lot of thoughtful things that showed he cared, and he always told me how he thought I was gorgeous and how he enjoyed my company. His actions spoke louder than his words. For the past week, it's been difficult to reach him, we have hardly seen each other and every time I asked if he wanted to get together he would avoid it completely. Today I texted him saying how I was hurt that he didn't have any consideration for me. (This was after not hearing from him for nearly two days). He responded finally saying "I'm sorry, I really do like you, I'm not trying to be inconsiderate, I just don't know what to tell you. I just don't have the energy to be dealing with emotional stuff right now." He also said he feels terrible, and wants space for a bit and isn't seeing any other girls. I told him how I felt hurt that he led me on for three months and told him he can come get it his stuff. I know he isn't outright breaking up, but it really feels like he is, and I am considering it a breakup because I am going to move on from it and not wait around for him.

 

I DO understand he is going through a lot right now and is emotionally unavailable which is why I didn't put a lot on him or expect much. I also think he is afraid to hurt me and truly does feel bad. I am just not sure if he was stringing me along because he was too nice to end things and I was a distraction for him in this tough time, or if he truly does need space emotionally. I don't know if he is just saying he needs space because he isn't into me physically or because of my personality. But if that was the case, why did he stick around for three months? I'm not terribly sad, just confused. Why do guys end things over text? Don't they have the decency to do it to your face, in a way that sort of honors what you had together?

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. I knew this was a difficult time for him, so I just focused on being there for him, not getting too emotional or expecting a lot from him. We did decide to be exclusive about a month in. He did a lot of thoughtful things that showed he cared, and he always told me how he thought I was gorgeous and how he enjoyed my company. His actions spoke louder than his words. For the past week, it's been difficult to reach him, we have hardly seen each other and every time I asked if he wanted to get together he would avoid it completely. Today I texted him saying how I was hurt that he didn't have any consideration for me. (This was after not hearing from him for nearly two days). He responded finally saying "I'm sorry, I really do like you, I'm not trying to be inconsiderate, I just don't know what to tell you. I just don't have the energy to be dealing with emotional stuff right now." He also said he feels terrible, and wants space for a bit and isn't seeing any other girls. I told him how I felt hurt that he led me on for three months and told him he can come get it his stuff. I know he isn't outright breaking up, but it really feels like he is, and I am considering it a breakup because I am going to move on from it and not wait around for him.

 

I DO understand he is going through a lot right now and is emotionally unavailable which is why I didn't put a lot on him or expect much. I also think he is afraid to hurt me and truly does feel bad. I am just not sure if he was stringing me along because he was too nice to end things and I was a distraction for him in this tough time, or if he truly does need space emotionally. I don't know if he is just saying he needs space because he isn't into me physically or because of my personality. But if that was the case, why did he stick around for three months? I'm not terribly sad, just confused. Why do guys end things over text? Don't they have the decency to do it to your face, in a way that sort of honors what you had together?

I'm confused.

You went into this stating that you knew he had a lot going on and you didn't have a lot of expectations.

You state you DO understand what he's going through but the moment he asks for space because he's struggling, you slam the door on him, accuse him of leading you on? and insist that he needs to come get his stuff.

 

You also mention he didn't exactly break up with you, yet you want to know why guys end things over a text?

 

Having said this, I get his shift in behavior this week is concerning but could you have handled this differently?

It sounds like you overreacted some. If he wasn't considering breaking up with you, he may very well be now.

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We had plans to hangout this morning, and normally he would message me in the morning since he does night shifts. Nothing. I understand people are busy, but it's just so weird how all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he stops talking to me. I am giving him space. I just don't know why this keeps happening, it's like a trend for me. I meet someone I like, we get along great, have a handful of great dates and then it stops. I can't think of anything I do/say that will turn someone off. In the past, I have gotten attached to the idea of a future with someone, that created expectations, and I start overthinking and looking too far into simple situations.

From July, 2017, different guy.

 

 

I am sure you are feeling really sensitive right with everything going on. But having read this, you need to take a step back and address why this keeps happening before you get into another relationship and experience the same outcome.

 

I don't pretend to know what it is you are doing. You do mention that you have issues navigating your expectations.

Take a step back, don't date for a while and reevaluate.

 

I am sure this pattern doesn't feel good and is taking it's toll.

It might explain why you had a big reaction to your new friends request for space.

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I assumed he is breaking up because he asked to come get his stuff. If he just wanted space and wanted to continue when he's ready why would he be so urgent about getting his stuff back.

 

Wait, now HE asked to come get his stuff???

 

In your OP you wrote this:

"I told him how I felt hurt that he led me on for three months and told him he can come get it his stuff."

 

So, he asked to get his stuff or you told him to come get his stuff?

 

And yeah, you did contradict yourself, saying you realized he had a lot going on and that you didn't have "expectations", then when he takes some needed space you get hurt and angry? Didn't you understand going in that he wouldn't be as available as someone who didn't have all that going on?

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I think I am upset because it's been a few months, and he hasn't really needed space.. he wanted me around and enjoyed having me around during a difficult time. Yes, he told me he would be coming to get his stuff at some point, and I also told him to come get it, there were many text messages exchanged, but it was him first who said he would come get it. I agreed and told him to.

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