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Engage a detective or not? am I a bad person if I engage a detective?


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I am struck in a divorce for ages potentially facing a huge settlement. Some say that hiring a detective to monitor her movements can put an end to all this and possibly win the case in my favor.


But, I am conflicted to do so as I still cherish the good moments I had with her from time to time and also feel like a bad person if I were to go ahead with it. On the other hand, I don't want to pay the huge settlement they are demanding too. I tried to make a deal with them but it did not work as expected.


Should I think with my mind and do what's best for me by engaging the detective or should I think with my heart, forgive her for all that she did and pay the huge settlement?


Thanks in advance.

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Basically, you're conflicted between your mind and your heart. So remember this golden rule while making such decisions: If you go with your mind, you'll always be better off. In contrast, if you go with your heart, you might end up better or worse, but you'll never regret your decision, irrespective of the outcome. Make your choice

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Honestly, there's not enough detail here to give a great response. The best I can tell you is to be realistic, and be fair. This is a woman you once loved, who also loved you, so remember that. Don't try to come out on top, don't try to screw her over. What is the reality of your situation? Does she deserve the settlement? Does she deserve to lose the case (assuming you hire a PI)? Seriously try to be realistic here. If you look at the big picture, I'm sure deep down, you know what the right thing to do is.

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"Some say" is hardly a sure thing. Some say the world was going to end last week/last month/last decade too. The reality is most of the time PIs and "proof" etc. in a divorce ends up being a waste of time and money and I've never once seen it influence the outcome of anything other than in a criminal trial. I'd just suck it up, pay what you owe, and choose better next time.

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I was in a similar situation. It wasn't over hiring a PI but I had access to documents and was told to photo copy them and return them so my soon to be ex wouldn't know. It just feels smarmy. I get it. You can't believe your life has come to this. But had I not done that, even in spite of the discomfort it gave me, my financial outcome would have been entirely different. (we owned a side business that he was quickly dismantling)


Just remember, in the throws of a divorce emotions are at their all time high. When the dust settles and you look back, you'll wish you had acted upon your logical reasoning and not let the emotional side of you try to talk you out of it.

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forgive her for all that she did and pay the huge settlement?


Money is replaceable. Your health, your sanity, your kids or relationships with them are not.


I recorded my ex on my phone for what turned to be our last row. She had threatened (not for the first time, but the first time it was recorded) to abduct the children and take them to another country. I only ever used that when she tried to gain full custody with false claims about my parenting.


Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget. It means you let your mind be at peace with what it cannot change. Always try reason and common sense first. And follow your attorney's advice.

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