Flame out for good?

[tt1986]

Just after some advice really. I'd been seeing a girl for about 3 months. New to my country, great fun. My age too. Trouble was I was a virgin at 30 and hung up on it, but I managed to overcome it here. Everything was great between us, the feelings developed quickly. But when the time finally came years of nerves kicked in and I couldn't maintain performance, so to speak, to my shock. I was mortified and confessed all and she was great. We did get to sex, but being a chronic over thinker the problem occurred again a few times and she made noises about me seeking help, and I have done.

 

Then one night she suddenly decided my attitude towards this wasn't good enough, I hadn't shown enough initiative, she didnt feel butterflies anymore and didnt want to be in a relationship - a different tune to previously. She was brutal, said some pretty nasty things -"no balls", "weak" - which floored me confidence wise at an already low moment. But she still liked me and wanted to see me, she said.

 

She still kept regular contact and I saw her a couple of times again, with some pushing. She chatted about how her ex bfs have burnt her and she needs time to believe in people, and said "see why I don't want a rship?" then moved to me, saying I need to take action. I'm not sure what she meant because she knows I am trying to solve the problem, but she warmed up and we ended up getting close enough that night to suggest hope. But next time she was cold, and I didn't feel I could try anything, which I know would have counted against me. I just left her a nice message after, to no response. It was a hard few weeks with all this and I was ready to leave it now for my own sake as it was taking its toll mentally, but she reappeared texting a few days later, so I tried again to meet. Responses were along the lines of I'll let you know or might have work (she works to a weekly rota) which had become a theme over the last month.

 

Obviously she never let me know and I lost heart. The last contact over a week ago was her turning down some prearranged thing we'd planned with a few others. She attempted to make light conversation after that but I didn't really respond as I finally thought if she won't commit to meeting then whats the point in all this, I should have more pride than that. So I haven't contacted her for a while now, maybe she took offence or maybe she wanted that.

 

Its been confusing, I never knew whether I pushed too hard or not enough, why she was keeping contact or anything, and although she said she didn't want a relationship I still felt with her action talk she was waiting for me to magically conjure up some confidence, even after she'd hurt me. I realise this situation is not appealing for a woman and its not her problem to deal with, but I felt her timing was unfair as I had been taking steps to deal with it ie arranging therapy/doctor.

 

Maybe I ultimately ruined it by not responding that last time, but its her whos let us go 3 weeks without meeting when she clearly could have, so whats the message? It just feels bad when it fizzles out like this, but she isn't afraid to rip things up and start afresh. Thats how she ended up in my hometown in the first place. My inexperience means I probably made many mistakes and clearly messed this whole thing up with my own head. But I still like her, and she did me too recently, alot. Does this seem salvageable or am I right to be prepared to leave it in an attempt to move on and get back on track? Sorry for rambling

[DanZee]

Try to see something good here in this relationship. You're no longer a virgin, so you don't have to worry about that. She's a bit fast and loose for you. I think you need someone less experienced. Someone nicer, more supportive, and who won't be as judgmental. Someone who wants a long-term relationship than this one.

[tt1986]

Thanks.

 

Shes now done the social media deletes and presumably number too, which is abit of a kicker as its still pretty soon and we hadnt even argued and I definitely hadn’t done anything to annoy her, save maybe for stop trying to contact her the last couple of weeks, feels abit ruthless but thats how she is.

 

Guess its my answer and it stops me from looking anyway so its probably a good thing