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>Be me

>Some 18yo HS student

>Have 2 best friends

>Known the female for 2-3 years and the male for 4-5 years

 

Well , I've never thought I'd see myself in this situation. To begin with, I've lived in these apartments 5 years ago and became best friends with my neighbor who lived below me. I lived there for about a year until a University bought it and kicked everyone out. We'll refer to this best friend as "Bugz". He went to some other complex and my family decided to rent a house. We pretty much had this nomadic set since I was young where we'd move every year (it didn't help with my school and I wasn't very thrilled about making friends all the time). Well, about 2.5 years ago (around March of 2015) I met his girlfriend who we can refer to as "Red" and I thought that he was lucky to have someone who cares about him. They have a bond that I consider something to be beyond "Boyfriend and Girlfriend" they have saved each others life. Bugz saved Red when she didn't care for herself and would cut herself (I didn't know her when this happened) and Red saved Bugz life when he was slowly "dying" in a SUV with parents who smoke like a chimney and have cats up the ass so the air quality wasn't up to par.

 

Now you'd think it was a match made in heaven but Bugz is abusive and Red cheated on him and hates herself for it. Him being abusive was the reason why she cheated. To give the middle finger to everyone, the dude was 14 when he said he was 17 almost 18. That caused the whole relationship to fall apart and Bugz claimed once that he never had romantic feelings for Red in the first place (even though I don't believe him, I never confronted him about it). They are still best friends live with each other and are in an open relationship and do things (I believe it's just life support to a dead relationship).

 

Now to get into my dilemma. About 2 months ago, my grandmother was in a hospital after a stroke. At the time, I didn't even know what happened and the docs thought she had a brain tumor (She played a mother figure when I was growing up). Red, my best friend, came to the hospital even though I said she didn't have to (I'm used to crying by myself). What she did was nicest thing someone has ever done for me. She was there when I needed someone the most and after a while I started to have feelings for her. I didn't think much about it at first until I stayed the weekend. I kissed her while Bugz is out of the room and started a hidden relationship (I never knew why though, it was a open relationship they were in). Bugz found out and we were both pretty scared, he said he was fine so me wanting to be with made cliff jump gave myself two choices, A) get with her or B) it was curiosity and we should remain friends. I picked A, I even knew that I would fall pretty hard if I did. She invited me over and we talked about it, I even asked Bugz face to face to show that I wasn't backing down easily. He agreed and I asked her how she felt. She said she'll try it but was scared that I might fall faster than she might (I never told her that I was already slipping or anything). I stayed the weekends continuously one after the other. About 2 weeks in she called it off because she was scared that I was falling too fast and didn't want to hurt me. So I sucked up and tried to play it cool because she almost wanted to cry. But even after calling it off we still talked and kissed each other. Another 2 weeks and Bugz said "It makes me uncomfortable but as long as you're not doing it near me I'm fine with it". Now, this is recently, she said that it might be better if we went back to being friends but I know her more than she thinks. I know she likes me and was hurt when she said it. She blames herself for what happened.

 

Now as of this post, this is all that has happened up until recently, I've never made it this far in an relationship and I'm not sure what to do and I thought asking for advice would be the best thing to do. Especially asking someone who doesn't know us very well since there really won't be much of a bias. But yeah, I'm at an impass and I I don't know what to do. I'm just going with what I know and it isn't much to be honest...

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She said she just wants to be friends, so don't assume, just because of how strongly you feel, that she wants more. And unfortunately, now that you've gone that far with her, you've made it nearly impossible to pursue a new girlfriend. Most girls won't accept you having a female best friend who you've kissed and wanted a romantic relationship with. My advice is to let this friendship fade away so you can achieve what you want in life--a girlfriend who is as crazy about you as you are of her.

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