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Did I do the right thing?


Josh792
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So I was talking to this girl for 5 months. We started it off very slow because she told me she was scared of commitment and I told her I was willing to take baby steps with her. 3 months time, talking and texting became consistent and she started to call me babe and everything was good.. she told me she was ready to take bigger steps and a few days after that she started acting funny.

 

I wish I could get everything into this text to thoroughly express myself but there's so much to write. 4 months into it we were still talking and texting daily. I did everything I could to show her I was worth the risk of committing. Treated her like a Queen and also treated her son very well and he absolutely loves me. There is nothing more in my head that I could think a man should or could do for a woman. Loyalty, respect and consistency toward her at all times. I was so good to her.. motivated her when she was down, supported her if she felt flustered or stressed, listened to her when she wanted to be heard.. whatever she needed I was there showing her I'm really down for this like I said I was.

 

Late September to these last few weeks. It's been very off.. I try and talk to her and she's much shorter. She talks to me whenever she feels like it, when I ask to go somewhere there's always a reason she can't. She ignores my text messages and snapchats much more often. I would say goodnight and then she wouldn't talk to me the next day unless I said goodmorning or anything first.. I eventually felt like I was talking to myself. The last time that I talked to her was October 22nd. I had texted her the night prior and asked if she wanted to grab a bite, she said she was meeting up with one of her girls.. okay no problem. Next day I text her goodmorning.. and then after a few messages asked what she was doing that day. She responded with "Cleaning, Dinner, Movies and possibly a sports bar". I responded back telling her "Oh you have a busy day. Sounds like fun".

 

I really sat and thought to myself after that... what am I doing??? I have done everything possible under the sun for this girl. Anytime something is wrong the finger is pointed at me, I'm always the issue. I'm getting ignored and rejected left and right. I've never put this much effort into a person before.. I feel so drained. So I decided that I wasn't going to text her the next day, she never text me. I haven't heard from her since. So my question is, did I do the right thing? Did I do the right thing by just cutting it cold turkey after she has ignored me and rejected me for so long? Should I have explained to her why I decided to not speak to her or does she even deserve an explanation? This is really grinding on my brain.

 

Apologies if this is all over the place, I'll answer any questions more thorough. I just need some help!

Edited by Josh792
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Firstly, don't meet a woman's child to win them over. Don't meet them until you have been in a relationship for quite some time.

If a woman (or man) tells you that they are not ready for a relationship, don't act like you are in one to earn one -- move on, NEXT them. When they are actually ready and come back your way and you are available - fine. But "proving yourself worthy" doesn't get you any farther.

 

You did the absolute right thing. Do not "explain why you haven't contacted her". If she was concerned about that, she would have already contacted you

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She chose to introduce me to him (he's four) and we just hit it off, never used it as a tool to get closer or win her over, it was just circumstances she chose I suppose.

 

You're right though.. after the first time she stepped down after getting a little serious I should have decided to move on. I just wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. I was beating myself up over if I should have said something to her but you're right.. if she was concerned enough she would have said something to me. All she's done is post things on social media and become spiteful because of my decision. Sometimes I wonder if she evens has a clue why I made my decision.

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She chose to introduce me to him (he's four) and we just hit it off, never used it as a tool to get closer or win her over, it was just circumstances she chose I suppose.

 

You're right though.. after the first time she stepped down after getting a little serious I should have decided to move on. I just wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. I was beating myself up over if I should have said something to her but you're right.. if she was concerned enough she would have said something to me. All she's done is post things on social media and become spiteful because of my decision. Sometimes I wonder if she evens has a clue why I made my decision.

 

You should not just let things happen to you -- you should have the mindset that not everyone else around you is going to always make the most sensible decisions and you need to protect yourself as well. if a woman wants to intro you to her child immediately - you put on the brakes - you tell her that you want to get to know HER better first. its too tough for a child for guys to be bouncing in and out of their lives.

 

It seems also that you were trying to convince her you were worthy of a relationship. And how is she "spiteful" that you have not contact her? Does she post on social media that "(your name) dropped me like a hot rock?" or are you reading too much in?

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Classic mistake most men make (I used to all the time, did it again recently and paid for it) i.e. becoming too available, putting her on the pedestal...she subconsciously lost respect. The great coach Corey Wayne says women are more attracted to men who's feelings towards her are unclear. Real life vs. movies are completely different things.

 

The best thing you can do to her is go no-contact, whenever she initiates contact always act and treat her like this hot chick you just met 'hey (baby), would love to see you, when are you free to get together' - no long texts, no goodnights, etc, no talks about the past or relationships. Only use txts to setup the next date and hopefully a date you can become intimate with her (so typically no lunches).

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Classic mistake most men make (I used to all the time, did it again recently and paid for it) i.e. becoming too available, putting her on the pedestal...she subconsciously lost respect. The great coach Corey Wayne says women are more attracted to men who's feelings towards her are unclear. Real life vs. movies are completely different things.

 

The best thing you can do to her is go no-contact, whenever she initiates contact always act and treat her like this hot chick you just met 'hey (baby), would love to see you, when are you free to get together' - no long texts, no goodnights, etc, no talks about the past or relationships. Only use txts to setup the next date and hopefully a date you can become intimate with her (so typically no lunches).

 

Don't listen to garbage from dating coaches. Men are interested in men that they like IF they are ready for a relatonship - being vague with a woman doesn't necessarily get a response. I would shut down a guy who called me "baby" who was asking me out on a first or second date.

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Don't listen to garbage from dating coaches. Men are interested in men that they like IF they are ready for a relatonship - being vague with a woman doesn't necessarily get a response. I would shut down a guy who called me "baby" who was asking me out on a first or second date.

 

"Men are interested in men" huh?

 

The word baby was in parenthesis for that reason, everyone has, hopefully enough common sense not to call someone a baby for the first time but only after you've established some sort of a relationship as is the case here.

 

The bottomline is, he did the classic movie/textbook thing which is showering her with everything, what did he get back in return? Women are wired differently than men. Men fall in love way quicker, they visualize the whole life together to the end, women on the other hand very rarely do this even if they think about it they want to experience things slowly and then when they feel it is when THEY tell the guy who to move the relationship to the next level (engagement, marriage etc).

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You should not just let things happen to you -- you should have the mindset that not everyone else around you is going to always make the most sensible decisions and you need to protect yourself as well. if a woman wants to intro you to her child immediately - you put on the brakes - you tell her that you want to get to know HER better first. its too tough for a child for guys to be bouncing in and out of their lives.

 

It seems also that you were trying to convince her you were worthy of a relationship. And how is she "spiteful" that you have not contact her? Does she post on social media that "(your name) dropped me like a hot rock?" or are you reading too much in?

 

I was basically chasing the person that was calling me babe and showing me that she was very interested in me. I wanted that person and after she started ignoring me more often and rejecting any invitations to do things I began to realize that person wasn't coming back which led me to my decision of No Contact after her ignoring my snapchats and more texts. I've never had to go No Contact without reason toward someone and that's what brought me to write this post cause I feel like everyone deserves an explanation. I wanted to know if I was in the wrong, which you gave that answer.

 

Spiteful might be a strong word but she's posted things on social media that she's never posted before and that makes it quite obvious that it's towards me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's been just about three weeks since I've had any contact with her now. I've stopped looking at her social media so much due to the things she says or does on there now.

 

For reasons that I do not understand, I'm still not over the fact that I feel like I'm the bad person and in the wrong for going ghost on her without explanation. I feel like I'm a coward because of it. I constantly feel like there's this need to send a text to her (I've written one out) but at the same time I know that I put my best effort into making the relationship work when we were communicating and that if I send this text to her, it'll just make myself out to be a weak. I don't know what I need to do to clear my head of this at this point. Everything is so conflicting.

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I was ghosted by a guy I really like. I contacted and asked him what was going on and got no response a couple of times. If she was interested or cared she would have already contacted you asking the same. I don't think you made a mistake. I hate games. People need to be up front with what they want.

 

Keep no contact. If she reaches out be honest about what happened. I wouldn't put any more effort until she does though. If she cares she will contact you.

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I was ghosted by a guy I really like. I contacted and asked him what was going on and got no response a couple of times. If she was interested or cared she would have already contacted you asking the same. I don't think you made a mistake. I hate games. People need to be up front with what they want.

 

Keep no contact. If she reaches out be honest about what happened. I wouldn't put any more effort until she does though. If she cares she will contact you.

 

I really hate games too, I'm such an honest person and I sometimes need to remind myself that people normally aren't. It's very hard to come to the conclusion that after speaking to someone everyday for 5 months that they just wouldn't care, I've never experienced it. I know I need to stop feeling like she's waiting for me to say something and just face the facts of reality. One day at a time.

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I really hate games too, I'm such an honest person and I sometimes need to remind myself that people normally aren't. It's very hard to come to the conclusion that after speaking to someone everyday for 5 months that they just wouldn't care, I've never experienced it. I know I need to stop feeling like she's waiting for me to say something and just face the facts of reality. One day at a time.

 

I know the feeling. The guy who ghosted me talked to me everyday for three months. We had a date the day he ghosted me. I never understood it. It hurts to think all of sudden someone doesn't care. Heck I didn't even get the fade away or distant one word responses. He liked me and couldn't wait to see me all the way up to the day he ghosted. In a way the way she faded away and didn't respond to you disappearing kind of gave you what you needed to know.

 

She might eventually come around. I wouldn't wait. Heck I'm not waiting.

 

She would text if she cared. Trust me. I did when it happened to me.

 

You'll be okay. Give it time.

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