XXXXMITCHXXXX Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Hi guys, I'm going to make this post super short. Just because I already know the issues that are in my relationship.. and I know what's holding it together. So I wanted to seek your advice on that one topic. The only reason I am staying with her is the fear of being alone. How can I, or how have you, gotten past that? Please share your stories, and provide your experience to help me finally end this relationship. Link to comment
milly007 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I looked at aspects of my life that I could improve on. I moved from a smaller town to a bigger city 1.5 years ago. I changed jobs. I focus on my health and well-being. I'm a work in progress. I knew I had to change these things before I could be happy with anyone. I also don't want to rely on anyone else to improve my happiness. Changing these things has resulted in some of the best decisions in my life. This doesn't mean I don't experience loneliness still, because I do. But I've learned that I'd rather be happy on my own, and date (in hopes of finding the right person for me), rather than being stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't make me happy. Life's too short. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Well one of the views you can take is this ....allowing her the chance of love , of a life , of a husband , kids ..every day you stay with her , you are wasting one more day of her life and no one has the right to do that to anyone . Link to comment
XXXXMITCHXXXX Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Well one of the views you can take is this ....allowing her the chance of love , of a life , of a husband , kids ..every day you stay with her , you are wasting one more day of her life and no one has the right to do that to anyone . I feel like we're both in it for that reason at this point, though. It's not that I'm leading her on. We're both unhappy. I don't 100% know her reason for staying, but mine is loneliness. I care about her, but I don't think we're really right for one another. Link to comment
mylolita Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Hi Mitch, Sorry to hear this. What I will offer up is this - you have to think about your partner and how you would feel if someone you were with was only staying with you out of fear of being alone. You'd probably be very hurt and feel a bit used, at the very least. So out of respect for your partner, you really can't carry on like this, regardless of how scared you are about leaving. And two, the only way to get over this is to take the plunge. It's hard, but you have to leave, and probably in a few months time, even a year, you'll find someone else and wonder what you were even worried about. Lo x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It is hard to advise when two people are unhappy and wasting each others life , you will only get passed this when you have actually walked away and grieved for it all and face your fear ..loneliness ...you can be in a room full of people and still be painfully lonely , but you have to choose that path to find happiness ... Link to comment
XXXXMITCHXXXX Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 We're not in high school anymore. Dating, isnt as easy as it used to be. I've been out for 5 years going on 6, and I was lucky enough to meet this one on a dating site. I hate to see it go but we're both just looking for two completely different things from life..or from a relationship. Link to comment
Rustysuit Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Hi guys, I'm going to make this post super short. Just because I already know the issues that are in my relationship.. and I know what's holding it together. So I wanted to seek your advice on that one topic. The only reason I am staying with her is the fear of being alone. How can I, or how have you, gotten past that? Please share your stories, and provide your experience to help me finally end this relationship. We're all afraid of being alone. We're human, we're not supposed to be alone. All this BS talk about "being happy alone and not relying on anyone else to be happy" is just that. BS. There's no one happy being alone. We're wired to get together with other people and share it with who we love. It's just how we work. When people say that, they're not being truthful. I'ts just another catch phrase trying to deny evolution and who we are at our core. The thing is: can you endure being alone for some time in order to be happier later? That's all there is to it. Don't buy into the whole "im happy by myself" cliché, because it's false. Feel normal, be normal. Being alone sucks and it can literally kill you. Sometimes, though, it's necessary - required - in order to find something better down the line. Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Well really, there's single alone and there's 'last person on the planet' type alone. The alone from not being in an intimate relationship is perfectly acceptable and often preferable. Just not for too long (as in years). I've found my times alone to be kind of bittersweet. You get to just breathe, to do the things you want to, when you want to. I'm far more lonely when I'm with someone who I can't relate to or doesn't get me. Seriously, move on. There will always be romantic prospects, when you're ready. Link to comment
bwhite00 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Well one of the views you can take is this ....allowing her the chance of love , of a life , of a husband , kids ..every day you stay with her , you are wasting one more day of her life and no one has the right to do that to anyone . This. I left my first love because of these reasons. And I crashed for about 6 months due to the loneliness; now she is happily married, and of my 3 ex's, she is the only one I think fondly of, and who never hurt me. Link to comment
XXXXMITCHXXXX Posted November 1, 2017 Author Share Posted November 1, 2017 It's just really nice having a companion. Even if they make you feel alone at times, it's nice to know that they are there at least some of the time. Link to comment
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