Should i tell his new girlfriend he cheated?

[Birdy989]

I recently went through a horrible break up when my partner of 10 years left me. As far as I know he was faithful all those years but was obviously thinking about being with someone else for a while. He said he was leaving as he felt he wanted to be with someone else and although he claims he didn't cheat on me he was with a new girlfriend within days of leaving. He starts seeing someone right on my doorstep so I know who she is, where she lives, see his car outside her house and it is all incredibly painful for me. We were no contact for a few weeks while i tried to get over the breakup, and avoid bumping into them which would be hell, then he starts messaging me telling me he loves me although I'm sure he is still seeing this other girl. After another week he says he wants to talk about us getting back together. He said he had ended things with the other girl. I was thrilled as I desperately wanted us to get back together, even though i know he would have slept with her while we were broken up. I figure i can get over it. See it for what he said it was - one mistake, and he regretted it. We spend a lot of time talking over a few days and have sex twice. Then he confesses he hasn't actually ended it with the other girl. He basically had spent a week cheating in her with me. Now he has cut contact with me again, told me he wants to be with her. I don't want him back after what he has done and all the lies. Do I tell the new girl that he cheated? If it were me I would want to know. I would want to make an informed decision about what I'm getting into. I know I'll look like a spiteful or possibly crazy ex, but I have evidence in his text messages with me so I can prove it. I admit a bit of me wants revenge on him, but I haven't got anything against her - she presumably knows nothing about this and has been lied to as well. I just hate cheating and don't think anyone should get away with it. What should i do??

[Starlight925]

I'm going to predict that most people on this forum are going to tell you to move on, go NC for good, and forget about it.

 

I'm going to go against the grain in advance: Tell him that either he tells her, or you will. Remind him of the text messages, and that you want her, as woman to woman, to know what she's getting into. Sure, he can frame it as you're being a crazy ex, but you know what? You are crazy right now. Because of the crap he's put you through.

 

If I were her, I'd want to know. So either he tells her, or you will. That's my advice.

[Birdy989]

Thanks for your reply. That's what I think, if she decides to accept it that's her decision. I think if I give him the option to tell her he will just lie and tell me he has, same as he lied when he told it was over. Think I have to be the one if I'm going to tell her...

[SweetGirl28]

I would tell, only because I would want to know if it were me.

You have the evidence. If you never want him back, expose him for the cheater that he is.

[Starlight925]

Well you know him best. You're right, he would probably either not tell her, or he'd turn it around and blame it on you.

 

You have my permission: tell her.

 

Just make sure you do it in a kind, sweet way, as you don't want to hurt her, nor do you want her to view you as crazy, therefore believing that you're only telling her out of spite.

[yatsue]

Yes, do tell her. Put the incriminating text messages along with your first contact message to her so she knows this evidence as proof upfront. Know he may make up lies like you edited the messages or something, but I would block him in all faucets in advance. Don't let him get the chance to make you feel bad for exposing him. Accept that she may either believe the truth or not, possibly react negatively, and you should have no regrets. I too would want to hear if my boyfriend was cheating on me. At least the chance to know this information as soon as possible so I can choose a path with him in which I have all the cards laid out in front of me.

[Mikey383]

I'm going to predict that most people on this forum are going to tell you to move on, go NC for good, and forget about it.

 

I'm going to go against the grain in advance: Tell him that either he tells her, or you will. Remind him of the text messages, and that you want her, as woman to woman, to know what she's getting into. Sure, he can frame it as you're being a crazy ex, but you know what? You are crazy right now. Because of the crap he's put you through.

 

If I were her, I'd want to know. So either he tells her, or you will. That's my advice.

 

 

I agree with LHGirl....

After all, you were with this guy for 10 years and he thinks that he can just go around playing you and playing her?

Yeah, I would be upset....

 

Do it!!!!!!!!!!

[ThatwasThen]

Oh, I'm sure she probably knows that he was still having sex with you so you ratting him out won't change a thing about how she feels about him. Even if she didn't know, I don't think she's going to leave him, at least not anytime soon after all, she's the type that gets involved with a man when she knows he's already in a relationship so she doesn't have much in the way of morals, sensibilities, or personal boundaries it would seem.

 

That being said, if you getting involved in her face is going to make you move on and forget this cretin for good, by all means go ahead. Normally I'd say mind your own business but in this case it is transparent that its a case of sour grapes that need crushing and you're not pretending that you're worried about her being played. If you are going to do it, don't give him a heads up and just tell her directly. She is a part of the whole mess.

he was with a new girlfriend within days of leaving.

.

[Shesabetty]

Curious if you ever did talk to her and let her know ? .... I chose to let my exes gf know bc he was stringing us both along !!

[Liraele]

I would tell her, and go NC straight away as well as not continuing any contact with or monitoring of her/him.