Just ex girlfriend cheating on me with a patient whilst doing her nursing placement

[arlan23]

So my just ex girlfriend cheated on me while doing a hospital nursing placement in regional South Australia.

 

I am in my early 20's and prior to this relationship saw my only other girlfriend (Australian) for 4.5 years , when I moved overseas for 18 months we broke up, because I had chosen a different path to her. She has never disliked me for it and I have never had any strong negative feelings towards her.

 

So my just ex gf is my second girlfriend ( she is Chinese) already I had many short flings while overseas I generally am quite realistic about what will work out to be a valid long-term relationship.

 

I met her in March this year and we started dating in May. She spent a lot of time pursuing me and always had time for me. During the start of our relationship I didn't always pay her the attention she deserved, although I always dropped her at work , picked her up from work (whenever I could take that short break from work which was 80% of the time) and I taught her to drive now she has a license and a car. However I didn't always reply to her messages quickly and when we were not living together I would rarely initiate conversation. I knew that she was pursuing me more than I was her and she considered me a catch or something.

 

She isn't particularly good-looking , but I thought her personality was wonderful and that was the reason I started dating her. Over the last month we grew really close and were living together , her parents who live overseas were preparing to come to Australia and her mum also wanted to buy me a ticket to visit them overseas (I said I would love to go but would buy my own ticket). We had talked about how serious we were , and I said I was serious and had started really paying lots of attention to her. By this time I had also completed accepted the way she looked and started loving her for it. Of course her personality was still the winner.

 

A few days ago she went to shower and we were going to watch a movie so her computer was on my lap. I received a message from a friend she doesn't talk to much via this social media application , and I saw on the message just above it something that seemed suspicious.

 

I scrolled up and read the conversation , turns out while she was doing a two month regional placement (I saw her once every two weeks during that time) she slept with a patient whom came into the hospital and then offered her a lift after work. She stayed at his house. When I discovered this I immediately left the house with only about 30 seconds of talking. I felt really betrayed. The guy was a complete stranger whom she had just met on the day.

 

About 24 hours later I talked to her on the phone and asked her to say everything clearly and not lie. She insisted that she hadn't had sex with him , but had oral sex etc I said just tell me honestly and she insisted that was the case , saying please just believe me. She also said she never contacted him since that day. Yesterday through one of her friends I found out both those things to also be lies. She had sex with him and had continued some dirty conversation for several days prior to cheating on me.

 

On the day that she cheated on me I called her and we talked..... we talked on the phone whilst she was at the guys house... A Guy she has never met before whom lives in regional Australia ... at least 30minute (50km) from the hospital she was doing her nursing placement at.

 

She is even more upset about it than I am , has begged for forgiveness. She told me she has always felt inferior or something , and not good looking and thought I didn't like her because sometimes I wouldn't hold her hand in public and she felt that i kept my distance from her in public. She offered to pay for both of us to go on a holiday and also buy us tickets to go to overseas to visit her parents. My mother thinks she is a nice girl -- and overall she is. But I feel super betrayed by this and don't know if I can forgive it. Especially considering she continued to lie after she was caught.

 

I am her first bf so she doesn't have a history of cheating as such. She was very studious until her early she was 20 and then had a crazy 6 months and then met me.

 

All my friends think I should break up with her and couldn't understand why I was with her in the first place ... but I think they are a little superficial, and only ever judged her by her looks. I run a small tech company , speak fluent Chinese (she is Chinese) and have lots of options , but after meeting my just ex gf I have rarely chatted with any of the girls i use to talk to , I bring her everywhere with me and always leave my phone in our room whilst showering etc. I have been very honest with her.

 

To cover one small detail , in the messages with her friend said don't you really like your bf and she said she does , and that she much rathers sleeping with her bf in bed but a long distance relationship can't overcome feeling horny. She cheated on me on the 8th of September ... I had last seen her on the 1st of sept and next saw her on the 16th of sept... I feel like it was her first opportunity to cheat and that she took it. From her conversation with her friend she talked about the shape of the guys private parts and laughed about it, I feel like she didn't regret it at all and only really regrets it now I found out and have broken up with her.

 

I just want to hear some opinions…. should I just leave her and move on? What drives a girl to do this etc. it is really against her own interest … is self sabotage basically she told her mum and her mum thought I was disgusting and all her friends thought what she did was shameful, I feel bad for her but at the same time I don’t know I can trust her again. I don’t want to shame her , but I am angry and disgusted about it.

[MissCanuck]

Wow, there is a lot to unpack here:

 

1) Why were you two already living together? This relationship seems to have moved at lightning speed, which isn't usually a good thing

 

2) She is nowhere near relationship material, and I would not trust a word that come out of her mouth. You would be incredibly foolish to attempt a reconciliation. This is not a "nice girl." She is a liar and a cheat and I cannot fathom why you feel bad for her, who plays you for a fool.

 

3) She is also not very smart herself. She could wind up in serious hot water if word ever got out that a nurse/nursing student had sex with a patient; she jeopardized her career with her behavior and she is stupid enough to write about it to friends.

 

Forget this girl, OP. She is a mess and she doesn't love you.

[arlan23]

She moved nearby to where I was living. So we generally spent 4-5 nights a week together.

 

Yes it is an incredibly stupid thing to do.

 

. In this case I probably fell for the wrong girl , I liked her upbeat personality and she was helped me with work from time to time, especially when dealing with Chinese clients, so I valued that.

 

Thank you for your advice , I think you are probably right.

[arlan23]

Also one correction I made a typo at the end of that, she told her mum what she did and her mum thought she was disgusting for doing that. (Didn't think I was)

[DanZee]

Well, thank you for mentioning your gf is Chinese because all too often people asking questions on ENA will leave out all personal facts which can have an important significance in giving advice.

 

In this situation, Asian culture puts a heavy emphasis on marriage but not particularly love. So in China, it's very important for a girl to find a spouse with a car and a home. And if someone is running their own company, that's a home run! Families also put a lot of pressure on girls to find a husband before they get too old, so that explains why the parents want to meet you so they can give your gf the go ahead to marry you.

 

In China, the idea of romantic love is a fairly recent thing. There is no word for romance in Chinese, and most people express their love by saying "I LIKE you" not I love you. Young people will actually say "I love you" in English since the Chinese equivalent is relatively new and doesn't sound right to them. It is unusual for a Chinese girl to do a one-night stand, but she may have picked that up from her girl friends here, or the patient was another successful man who might make a good husband.

 

I guess the bottom line is that she may not love you in the Western sense, but is more interested in you being a good provider with a bit of wealth. I don't know if you can trust her in the future. But I believe she is more interested in your money than love.

[arlan23]

Thank you for your feedback as well, yes I think you are right. I was serious , but at the time she cheated she wasn't certain if I was serious and I guess I hadn't completely made up my mind either or at least hadn't expressed it clearly.

 

During the first few months of our relationship I had a lot of investment going into the company so I wasn't paying myself well , because I want to grow the company and didn't want to sacrifice short term gains for long-term growth, and also I had pressure from investors to see returns... and still do, so I didn't want to pay myself too much until they are all seeing those returns. And I guess sometimes that can be something hard for a partner to understand, having access to money in a business account of my own business but at the same time it not really being myn to spend on myself.

 

I lived in china for more than a year , and speak Chinese , we mainly only speak Chinese together , unless we are with locals. I do understand it, and you are completely right I think, her friends and family can't understand why she did it.

 

I have had several girls try and hit on me while I have been with her , but I have always ignored them (whilst being polite) never got a social media contact or mobile number etc. so in that regard I have been very respectful. One of my weaknesses is I am somewhat status aware in the Chinese sense , I have lots of close Chinese friends , whom I work with , and many of our customers are Chinese, so I understand she feels self conscious if I am with her in public and not paying lots of attention to her (talking lots but not holding her hand or anything).

 

The guy she slept with , was not successful , he was very oridinary (not just in the career sense) , he wasn't good looking , or anything. I don't understand it at all ..... hard to understand

[Jinsky]

I'm sorry you got cheated. For some time you may keep wondering why and questions things.

You mentioned she said she feels inferior about her attractiveness. Then she probably felt really excited as a woman when the man flirted with her, had a lapse of judgement, and jumped at the opportunity.

While it may be somewhat understandable, it's certainly not justified. Personally I think cheating is already really bad, but to still lie when he/she got caught are the bigger insult. Hopefully she (and you) can learn from this experience.

As to leave her or not, you have to ask yourself if you can ever let this go and trust her again or not. If not, you'd just drive yourself crazy.

[MissCanuck]

Also one correction I made a typo at the end of that, she told her mum what she did and her mum thought she was disgusting for doing that. (Didn't think I was)

 

Eh, really? I have a hard time believing she told her mother that. It doesn't really change anything, but unless you heard her mom say it, I call BS on that.

 

In any event, you found out that this girl has zero respect for you and definitely doesn't feel the way about you that you do about her. You should not waste any more time on her. I see absolutely no reason to trust her ever again.