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Hey all, I have posted a lot here over the past yr. I’m finally feeling somewhat good again. I think my ex damaged me for good. I’ve been dating but seems the girls I date (this may sound bad) but they are just objects to me I haven’t found anyone I liked and loved as much as my ex. I was crazy for her and I haven’t found that spark yet for anyone else it’s been 10months since post break up and 3 months nc. On days I am not busy I find myself lost and depressed and break down. I still see her from time to time, I also hear she contacts some of my friends she met through me asking them to hang out, and let me tell ya that stings a bit. So all though I am somewhat moved on I still feel somewhat damaged. I forgave but i won’t forget how badly I was treated at times. I don’t think I’ll ever be like i was in 2015 a happy guy who just loved to go drag racing. I still love the sport but I was super sick to my stomach about all of it and I didnt enjoy it for a while, I grew up into car racing this was a passion, a part of me and I didn’t enjoy it, I was gray in the face and was literally emotionless for a good 2 months. I’m the type of person that will give you the shirt off my back and than some if I care about you. Of course I loved this girl this was the girl I’d lay in bed with talking about our future kids and all. What she did I could never do to anyone. Here we are a few days ago she’s comes up talking to me like nothing ever happened. I have her that puzzled look like are you kidding me? I walked away as she was trying to conversate with me I forgive but I don’t forget, 3 strikes and you are out in my book. It’s tough and I miss the great memories I had with her but this time I’m standing my ground I can’t afford to feel like crap again. I can’t afford to miss out on the next girl and I pray she is worth everything I do for her. It’s going to take me a really long time to trust again. I’m a good guy but a nervous guy maybe that’s why these girls I’ve been seeing don’t mean anything to me Cause a part of me is still somewhat broken?

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You are most definitely still broken.

You say you have forgiven but don't forget.

 

in time you will remember less.

Not being able to talk to her means you are holding either love or hate.

The opposite of love is indifference. If you reached this point, she would not affect you.

This can only come with time.

 

As for sparks, I can relate. So just keep trying. It may mean dating 20 girls before you feel

a connection again. Not everyone we meet will ignite that fire. Don't give up.

It's clear you have no intent to get back with her, so stay positive.

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She hurt me real bad so idk if it’s really love or hate. I mean I guess maybe the sexual relations there will always be that feeling for her maybe visa versus. What really makes me stay away is I invited to her a party back in August. I got drunk more than I should have and I layed down for a bit( nowhere even near her) she was outside puking apparently and came inside saying I hit her and all this crazy nonsense obviosuly no one believed her and I had never layed a hand on her, she. Had some 30 year old guy come get her who was all wise with me and we almost faught. I was super shocked with this and it turned me off big time. I literally felt worse than the first time we broke up I’d lay in bed all upset and go to work, it was so bad my coworkers could see I had change and tried cheering me up. She changed me she only stomped on my heart 3 times. I don’t look for a pat on the back but this was all after I spent 2 months with her helping her study, when everyone else said she wouldn’t make it I was there helping her, told her don’t even react to the hate do it threw motion. And guess what she finished top of her class. We went shopping and I went back to the store with my pickup truck to pick some things up she had bought all cause she meant a lot to me not. I had done a lot more while dating for her but this was all recent

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Your relationship was very dysfunctional.

You can love someone, but that doesn't mean they are the right one for you.

While your gestures post break up were kind, perhaps if you could heighten your

self esteem and confidence, it would be easier for you move on from this.

 

I understand NC is painful. Breakups can certainly feel like a death.

In the future, it's probably best to know your alcohol limit and don't go beyond it.

You will overcome the hurt. You will trust again. You need more time.

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I understand it hurts a lot.I have been in similar situation, i went on from being bubbly talkative happy girl to sad ,someone who is always on bed and emotional.

 

its just because your love for her is true and you saw yourself growing old with her. After breakup its just you who have to grow and experience new things(good or bad) without her.Its something your system has not yet fully understood. Try to be around more people, get into something like kick boxing,Gym or enroll into learning something interesting and take back the control of your life. Assume that some furniture in your room has hurt you, though you have pain you don't go around hating that piece of a thing right.Same with your ex.Just ignore her and get back with your life.

 

hope it helps

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Thank you for all the replies, so here is another question did she start being nice cause she is trying to reenter my life again? Does she miss me and realize she made a mistake or ?

 

It's been 3 months NC and quite honestly since she approached you, she's most likely moved on from this.

You walking away(good for you) shows you are still hurt. And rightfully so. Everyone heals in time though.

Can't say what her intentions were, if you stuck around she might have said, but you are right in

protecting yourself.

Keep pushing forward. You know you've had enough. Be strong.

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Sweet girl, it’s not that I can’t be around her I can I just avoid her, yes some feelings for her still reserved in me. She screwed me over so many times. Few times as friends before the relationship, some during and after. What she did, accusing me of hitting her and I txted her the next day asking what that was all about she blew up on me saying all this stuff. You can ask anyone that was there I didn’t even talk to her whole night and was upstairs while she was otuside, to this day no apology nothing after the nasty message I blew up on her I was already mad she accused me of hitting her and she still in her mind believed I was a jerk that night like wth? So yes I avoid her cause I dont need that crap in my life anymore but we don’t need to be in two different rooms if anyone ignores one it’s her avoiding me. She talked to me that one night, while the other people where there she asked me to help her idk why and started saying stupid stuff to try and start a convo I was short with her. This girl stressed me out so much I starting to lose hair. I did everything for her and the family and mom got drunk one night barged into her room and starting Flipping on me calling me a lazy pos. I go to school (college to become a cop) I am fireman and on top of that I work and do side jobs on top of the work to make more money I hussle my butt off and she had never to do that all cause she wanted to pay for my trip I refused to take her cash and she insisted anyway I did work around her house to make up for it

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Sweet girl, it’s not that I can’t be around her I can I just avoid her, yes some feelings for her still reserved in me. She screwed me over so many times. Few times as friends before the relationship, some during and after. What she did, accusing me of hitting her and I txted her the next day asking what that was all about she blew up on me saying all this stuff. You can ask anyone that was there I didn’t even talk to her whole night and was upstairs while she was otuside, to this day no apology nothing after the nasty message I blew up on her I was already mad she accused me of hitting her and she still in her mind believed I was a jerk that night like wth? So yes I avoid her cause I dont need that crap in my life anymore but we don’t need to be in two different rooms if anyone ignores one it’s her avoiding me. She talked to me that one night, while the other people where there she asked me to help her idk why and started saying stupid stuff to try and start a convo I was short with her. This girl stressed me out so much I starting to lose hair. I did everything for her and the family and mom got drunk one night barged into her room and starting Flipping on me calling me a lazy pos. I go to school (college to become a cop) I am fireman and on top of that I work and do side jobs on top of the work to make more money I hussle my butt off and she had never to do that all cause she wanted to pay for my trip I refused to take her cash and she insisted anyway I did work around her house to make up for it

 

Try and lock those feelings up. She wasn't good to you, nor for you.

Avoid her and her drama. One day after you heal you will be glad you are out of this.

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Sweet girl, and bolt run. Thanks for the input, boltrun, I’m not obsessing I promise she has me wondering and I come here to seek help. When she knows I’m gone she does these things that she knows will get back to me, like why does she need to post on Snapchat that her school used my exact bday on her ID card how the hell does that even happen??? So she captioned it when they use my ex bfs bday instead of mine? It’s nothing major but it was the fact she had to bring me up again, when I left I left with no turning back she’s blocked and has been blocked since the party. Than I hear she’s going around asking my friends to hang out, these friends aren’t mutuals they are friends she met through me? She has her own friends so why is she bothering with mine? If I had asked her Friends I met through her to hang out she’d flip and no one would hear the end of it, funny how she works. Than she sees me and tries making small talk like the stupid conversation just to keep talking! The first time of no contact which lasted 6 months before we started talking again everyday I heard who she was talking to and of course about me getting screen shots of her complaining about me on Instagram all highschool drama, now mind you like I said above when I left I left no turn backs so one day I go to a soccer game with my fireman buddies, I receive a text from a female friend that had the ex on snap chat and my ex was still making videos about me on the 6 month of not looking or even saying a word in her direction. So it’s anytime she knows I’m gone and moved on she does these odd things to grab my attention. A few months ago I had slept with another girl and it made me realize I don’t need her (may sound silly) If she stopped the nonsense I wouldn’t be here questioning her motives and why she feels the need to contact my friends and such

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Sweet girl, and bolt run. Thanks for the input, boltrun, I’m not obsessing I promise she has me wondering and I come here to seek help. When she knows I’m gone she does these things that she knows will get back to me, like why does she need to post on Snapchat that her school used my exact bday on her ID card how the hell does that even happen??? So she captioned it when they use my ex bfs bday instead of mine? It’s nothing major but it was the fact she had to bring me up again, when I left I left with no turning back she’s blocked and has been blocked since the party. Than I hear she’s going around asking my friends to hang out, these friends aren’t mutuals they are friends she met through me? She has her own friends so why is she bothering with mine? If I had asked her Friends I met through her to hang out she’d flip and no one would hear the end of it, funny how she works. Than she sees me and tries making small talk like the stupid conversation just to keep talking! The first time of no contact which lasted 6 months before we started talking again everyday I heard who she was talking to and of course about me getting screen shots of her complaining about me on Instagram all highschool drama, now mind you like I said above when I left I left no turn backs so one day I go to a soccer game with my fireman buddies, I receive a text from a female friend that had the ex on snap chat and my ex was still making videos about me on the 6 month of not looking or even saying a word in her direction. So it’s anytime she knows I’m gone and moved on she does these odd things to grab my attention. A few months ago I had slept with another girl and it made me realize I don’t need her (may sound silly) If she stopped the nonsense I wouldn’t be here questioning her motives and why she feels the need to contact my friends and such

 

This is not obsession???

 

You're ruminating over and over about the same things (you've mentioned she accused you of hitting her many times).

 

How much time per day to you spend thinking about how she's treated you?

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