shopgirl9690 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Long story as short as possible... One day, one of my co-workers introduced me to his friend. This was two years ago. (I'm 27, he's thirty eight) and I’d been single about a year and a half. I couldn't stand him, thought he was immature and wanted nothing to do with him. I just wasn’t really attracted to him at the time. I also think I didn’t really want anything to do with a man at the time because of my past. I’ve been in one long relationship for 7 years. We were high school sweethearts and it didn’t work out. He ended up not being the person I thought he was so I left. He really messed with my trust issues. So this new guy started messaging me non-stop asking me to go out with him. I tried giving him a chance and we hung out a few times. He ended up saying he was in love with me and couldn't live without me. He would text me desperately all the time. Shortly after, I realized that this man had a major binge drinking problem and all he wanted to do was party. He never asked me to dinner or on an actual date. All he wanted to do was party and drink. He was also extremely insecure with himself… always asking me “do you think I’m ugly?” His best friend pulled me aside one night and told me this. I ended up going my own way and not talking to him for about 3 months. Then one day he messaged me again and was very sweet. Said he made a lot of bad choices but that he wanted to date me so badly and would do anything for me. He seemed very sincere and I decided to give him a chance. I thought to myself that maybe at 38 years old he realized he had met a great girl and wanted to change. He was good for a while but the binge drinking on weekends was still a problem. He would go from zero to 100 and I would always end up babysitting him. He would get really mean and say awful things to me. His friends were all surprised that he was dating me and would say “wow we can’t believe he got you… you are way too good for him” This was said multiple times from his friends and family. Many of his guy and girl friends would approach me and say "finally... he's not dating trash" They all told him not to screw it up. He would tell me all the time I made him look good and that he used to only date girls that were uglier than him because it made him feel better but now things are different. His friends straight up told him right in front me “this girl is so much better looking than you”. His friends again kept telling him not to screw it up this time and were so so kind to me. They threw me a birthday party, his family gave me gifts, etc. Then… he ended up getting his SECOND DWI. I was not aware that he had one previously and then I got a call that he was in jail for the second one. I went to pick him up and tried encouraging him and supporting him. I have a very caring and nurturing personality and always feel like I need to help people. So 7 months go by and we try to balance a steady relationship. He has professed his love for me about ten times. Saying I’m the love of his life and so much more. Always getting drunk and being mean, then apologizing. All we do is fight. I also caught him a few times inappropriately texting or snap chatting other girls. I called him out and he denied everything saying it was jokes and he will never do it again. That was 6 months ago. He’ll say his heart isn’t in it and doesn’t want a girlfriend and then within three hours he’s back apologizing and saying he wants a good life with me. Finally last week at a wedding his mom asked to speak to me privately. She told me that her son is selfish and immature and she is done babying him. She told me he doesn’t even own his house (I thought he did) and they actually own it. She said that she will not leave any money in her will for him but his two sisters because he is so irresponsible. She said told me I can call her anytime if he acts up and come stay at her house. His sister text me a few days later and said that I am too good for him and to leave him or it will be a life of misery. She said he has always wanted to be alone and not get married or have kids. (He had told me this before but I buried it because I loved him). She said that I was the only girl he had kept around or brought around for so long and that it annoyed him that I was “too good” for him and that everyone kept telling him not to screw it up. She said it made him feel pressured and that she felt he thought he could change for me but really deep down he knows he can’t. They both also told me that the family has a history of alcoholism and that he as a problem. So, I ended up talking to this guy about breaking up and of course we got in a huge fight. He told me he said mean things when he was drunk was because he really wanted me to leave him but I wouldn’t so he was eventually going to leave me. He said his heart wasn’t in it anymore and that he loved me but I wasn’t for him right now. Of course I lost it and asked how he could of professed his love so many times and kept coming back to me if he really didn’t want me… He said he “wanted” it to work but he had a feeling of unhappiness. He has said that I didn’t do anything wrong but I deserve 100% and he can’t give me that because of his selfishness. He kept saying “if you talk about the past or things I’ve said you’re ruining any chances in the future.” Then he ended up saying “we tried but we will never date again because now you are desperate and pressuring me” yet he also keeps reiterating that he wants a friendship in the future. He said “lets take this time to heal and we can laugh about it later.” He said I don’t know his hurt and that dating me changed his life. Honestly I am just so lost. How can this man have been so infatuated and “in-love”… all these people telling him these things about me and not to screw it up and now he wants nothing to do with me. Two weeks ago I was the love of his life and he was "done forever." I am so lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know that I was stupid for sticking around. Everyone says that. Maybe I need to value my self worth a bit more. I guess love is blinding and that's the only part I see. Link to comment
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