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Sexting another girl? Do I end it?


confused2122
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I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sexting the girl that he's supervising at work over quite a long period. A text popped up from her while I was at his that was disgusting, so I opened it and found A LOT more. All about how he made her hard (but he did put "haha joking" after that one), what he likes in the bedroom and what she'd do to him and him commenting on how she'd look naked and asking exactly what she likes. I told him that it was over straight away as I would never put up with cheating, but he is now arguing that It was "all a joke" and it's not cheating at all; it was only a bit of a laugh. He's constantly putting letters and flowers through my door and continuously calling and begging me to take him back. I had no doubt in my mind that I didn't want to stay with him but I feel that his constant messages letting me know that I'm over-reacting are making me doubt myself. I just wanted to ask how everyone else would react to this? Is this a deal-breaker for you?

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Since you don't accept it, it's not over reacting.

Only you know what is cheating and what not. If you take him back now, you will still consider this cheating, and rightfully so. A thumb rules is: Whatever you hide from your partner is considered cheating.

He just wants to get you back, if he succeeds, he will just go back to sexting.

 

Good job!

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Yes, if it was me I'd tell him that he's perfectly entitled to share that kind of material with whoever he likes, and for however long he likes. It's just that he won't be in a relationship with me while he does so.

 

The fact that he is behaving inappropriately with someone who works for him is bad enough, and should this particular bit of **** hit the fan, it will be interesting to see who's laughing then.

 

Sure, you could fall for the letters-and-flowers routine, but you can be fairly confident that once things have settled down again - so will the sexting.

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A guy who actually cares about you is NEVER going to be off sexting with some other chic. Never ever forget that.

 

 

All cheaters play this game of pretend remorse and doing whatever to try and get you back. That's not caring, that's a game they are playing with your feelings to see if they can fool you into taking their lying cheating azz back. If they succeed, it's a greater high to them and a bigger ego boost than any drug can ever produce. This isn't him showing you how much he cares, this is him looking for the ultimate high - fooling you into buying his bs so he can cheat again and again.

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Although it feels complex to you .... With your emotions invovled and no doubt thinking on good times...

 

 

This is a no brainer for anyone giving advice.

 

Unless you are ok with his actions (I certainly know I wouldn't be) there is no healthy way to continue this relationship. Honestly... If he can do this sorta stuff behind your back... It was never a real relationship in the first place .

It sucks to hear that..and to think on it. It is true. He can say whatever he pleases to try and get you back.... But if you take him back you will constantly worry about what he considers appropriate... And what he is doing behind your back. It will eat away at you and tear you down.

 

This situation is toxic....

There is no way around that fact.

 

Be strong... Know your self worth... And know you deserve better.

 

He dang well sure knows you do as well.... And most likely is already worried you will find it... And thus leaving him to have to put in a lotta effort to set someone else up to be emotionally involved to just disrespect in the same fashion .

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A guy who actually cares about you is NEVER going to be off sexting with some other chic. Never ever forget that.

 

 

All cheaters play this game of pretend remorse and doing whatever to try and get you back. That's not caring, that's a game they are playing with your feelings to see if they can fool you into taking their lying cheating azz back. If they succeed, it's a greater high to them and a bigger ego boost than any drug can ever produce. This isn't him showing you how much he cares, this is him looking for the ultimate high - fooling you into buying his bs so he can cheat again and again.

 

This is soooo very TRUE

 

SAD.... but TRUE

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I'm going to play devils advocate here. The first question you need to ask is, do you want him back? I'd take a few days away from everything and asses how you honestly feel about that. Don't contact him or anything, just take time to yourself to settle down and asses how you feel. Worst that happens is the relationship is still over. Simple as that.

 

If you still want to be with him then you have to address why he did it? Was it a problem in the relationship where he wanted more sex and it wasn't being met? Why didn't he feel he could talk to you about that? etc etc. Find out his reasons for doing so, it's unlikely it's just 'a joke' but the more information you have the more you are able to make an informed decision. You might ultimately decided you don't want to be with him but at least you are in a stronger position to commit to your decision.

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This happened to me in 2015. My ex did the same thing and the girl actually contacted me with screenshots.My ex took full responsibility of it with no denial. He also said it was one mistake. He was sorry, changed his phone number, got off social media, and also did grand gestures of being sorry. I broke up with him. But I did take him back eventually. He worked daily to prove he can be trusted. I have to say he never cheated on me again.

 

However I learned that for me once trust is broken I could never trust again despite the evidence. It takes a truly strong and forgiving person to take back a cheater. Its tough and it becomes your responsibility also. If you are willing to almost forget the action, then it could work. I never let my ex live it down and so he eventually ended it. I was very smothering of him after the incident. No person can deal with that .

 

You have to follow your heart on this one. If this is your deal breaker you should continue to stay away. Trying to rebuild trust after a cheating incident is the hardest thing ever ,even if you love the person. For me it was always in the back of my mind.

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I have done this in past relationships. I always knew it was wrong and if my girlfriend found out it would be over. He knows it wrong and you're not overreacting. I'm sure he wouldn't put up with it if you did it. He's being a bit manipulative by saying you're overreacting. I admitted it to a past girlfriend and she did temporally dump me. We got back together, but the trust was gone and the relationship ended shortly after.

 

The thing is, he's probably pretending to himself that it's not cheating as likely he wouldn't actually follow through with it, but ultimately it's wrong and doesn't set a good precedent.

 

I have learnt my lesson and if you walk, I'm sure he'll learn his too.

 

If you do want to be with him, make him work for it and prove his commitment to you over a decent period of time...good few months for sure...to make sure it's what you both want.

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  • 3 weeks later...
I learned that for me once trust is broken I could never trust again despite the evidence. It takes a truly strong and forgiving person to take back a cheater. Its tough and it becomes your responsibility also. If you are willing to almost forget the action, then it could work. I never let my ex live it down and so he eventually ended it. I was very smothering of him after the incident. No person can deal with that .

That was exactly my situation. Never got past the cheating, partly because she never did take the lead role (or any role) to repair the trust she breached or the hurt she caused, but ultimately, I could never trust her again. Nor love the same way and she ended it

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