ella20 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 As I felt weird I texted him that we made this bit awkward and given these are his friends, they should be fine with it ...i added lighter line that I always wanted to go karaoke ( as that was the invite) and this would be fun. Well he didn't even read the message ...last Thursday we texted a bit and he was gone from about 8pm until next morning....looks like history repeated itself- he is gone again ....and if he will respond tomorrow , this will be a joke. Cause this means he is not even bothered if am going ...and having time of his life. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 We have amazing connection and it's hard to believe he would not want more of that. You can only speak for one side of the connection. You have no idea what he is truly feeling. He doesn't behave like he's feeling any great connection. I don't know what is so complicated here. It looks like a classic case of he's just not into you. And when that happens it's up to you to move on. If you stick around, that's your fault, not his. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I agree. Trying to interpret his actions and making them out to be something nefarious and cryptic when it's not based on any facts is sounding insecure. Either go and have fun, lower your expectations or pass. After all he's not taking anything away from you. In the future if there is an unknown why not choose fill it in with something positive. It's just as simple as filling it in with a negative. It's just a choice Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 ...am curious to go and meet them but there won't be no kissing! I will go strictly as friend as clearly this isn't a date.... ella, as I said I have no idea what this guy's game is, but in any event, I think it's important you be honest with YOURSELF. You posted earlier you have an amazing connection with this guy; whether HE feels that same connection is anyone's guess, but I think it's obvious to anyone reading this thread that you want more than friendship. So this you "will go strictly as a friend," is really a bunch of you know what. You know you can't be just "friends" with this guy. I mean look at you (and not judging at all cause I tend to be same when really into a guy), but because he hasn't responded to your text yet, you're all "looks like history repeated itself- he is gone again ....and if he will respond tomorrow, this will be a joke. Cause this means he is not even bothered if am going ...and having time of his life. " If he were any other friend, and I mean seriously just a "friend," would you let the fact she/he hasn't responded yet get to you like this? It's okay, BTDT, and I think you should do what you want and let chips fall wherever, but again please be honest with yourself about what you want, at least. Best of luck though, I hope it works our for you, and I mean that! Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 Karina - you are wonderful! Sure I like him and sure I would like more ...i am not disputing that but at the same time I don't know him yet ...the fact he is not firming up plans with me i.e. not responding for hours and kinda leave.me hanging gives me more data ...he is probably a player ...who enjoys his bachelor life style. If I were to go tomorrow it would be as friend- promise - for this to be more he would need to ask me for a date and step up a bit. My friend said that maybe he is gathering data about me too. To see if I will fit with his friends and that he sure may have someone sexually in the meantime as he has right to. Apparently being invited to join friends is a good sign .... True is if he would be normal fiend I would not get frustrated for lack of response....very true. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 ...he is probably a player .. Again with the negative label. You don't know this. He probably senses your knee jerk mistrust and is taking a step back because of it. Good news is he's still wanting to see you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Thank you all for responding. I honestly didn't know what his intentions were until ... Not a good plan to 'hang out' in hopes of 'finding out' what someone wants from you. Simply discuss your position and ask about theirs. If you're not made of the stuff that can say to a guy, "You know, I've come to know myself well enough to understand that I'm relationship material--not casual. How about you?", then you're not made of the stuff for dating until you CAN put that kind of conversation on the table up front. Then be prepared to hear either what you hope to hear or what you don't want to hear and let the chips fall. If someone gives you vague abstractions and BS, then thank them for the drink or the walk or the coffee or whatever, and excuse yourself because you have stuff to do, and walk away into the sunset with your self respect intact. Hold out for someone who matches your dating goals. Playing in the sandbox with people who are unclear about what they want only sets you up for feeling lousy when they use you and then show you where they stand. Who needs that? Make your dating about you and finding a good match, not about playing psychic with guys to figure out their wants and limitations. Head high, and walk FORward. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Any update ella? Have you heard from him? Is tonight on or off? Inquiring minds..... Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Katrina you made me smile again Well we went out and I met his main friend - she was 70 year old vibrant wonderful woman...she brought along another woman ( in our age ) and 4 of us had a nice evening in a pub. He was great all this time except he paid more attention to this other - young woman in our age than to me...he even went our with her when she smoked even he does not smoke....he kept her company. He met her that evening for a first time. His older friend made us all exchange numbers and arranged that we will meet again for group meetings .... Anyway, he walk me home after and between lines I learned he us single but has 4 kids ! With the same woman ....the youngest are twins 6 month old! He said they were just hooking up at that time and relationship was well over by then.... I was shocked I have no kids He tried to kiss me at the end and I said given it was not a date we should not kiss...( I gave him a small kiss) we talked a bit and he said " I like you a lot ...and I see that we meant to be together but maybe not in this life time....you will always question if am sincere etc " I went home and he sent me a message to thank me for w lovely evening and that he realised that we should talk more before going out that evening and that he never meant to be ingenuine ...and that it was a pleasure to meet me! I was bit shocked as this was a goodbye text....but I said thank you and likewise... Earlier , outside my house, I displayed my surprise with his situation and did highlight I felt bit uncomfortable with him.paying attention to this young woman ...he must have sensed going out would be trouble ...as I was bit jealous. He said he thought he told me about his children. .... I am puzzled ...but it's fine ... Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Four kids and never intended to commit? Hitting on another girl while you're there? Saying goodbye to you forever when you didn't want to kiss? The writing's on the wall. If you're looking for a committed relationship, he is not your man. He doesn't seem interested in friendship with you, either. Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Funny enough his friend liked me a lot and wanted me to join their group to go events etc he just texted me to ask if I will be going as the woman needs to make arrangements. How would that even work? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Maybe he does want to be friends. If you're comfortable with it, go. But if it seems bizarre and weird to you, or if you feel like you might act against your better judgement and kiss him, etc., definitely don't go. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 >>I like you a lot, and I can see we are meant to be together...just not in this lifetime ella, omg please tell me he did not really say that! Lol Gotta say, thought I've heard it all, but THAT one is a first! Agree with Jibralta; nevermind a committed relationship, I can't see even having this person as a friend. I hope you agree, and sorry this didn't work out, but you needed to play it out to know for sure. Now you know, NEXT! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Maybe he does want to be friends. If you're comfortable with it, go. But if it seems bizarre and weird to you, or if you feel like you might act against your better judgement and kiss him, etc., definitely don't go. Jibralta, I hit "thanks" on this post, which I didn't mean to. I meant it for your post prior, which I agreed with. Honestly I do not think this guy wants to be just "friends" come on. If he did, then why try to kiss her? Is that what friends try to do? Dont think so. And why say they are meant to be together, just not in this lifetime? He knows ella wants more and he's being real careful to not mislead her, but still get what he wants, which can almost guarantee isn't a "friendship." Maybe a "friend with benefits", but I don't get the sense ella would be up for that. ella, do what you want of course, proceed with caution. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I think his standards for friendship could be a lot different than hers, or other people's for that matter. If she can understand his limits and rein in her crush, it's possible for them to enjoy time together. I know a couple of men who are attractive and fun to be with, but who have these limits. One guy's a player; one is a complete liar. But for some reason, we have fun and get along together. I just know their limits and keep things on friendship terms. They're also not close relationships. I may see these people once every two years. Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 I dislike him now but am still drawn to him ...thus I have to distance myself. He just text me to say that this woman is upset as I didn't confirm if am going . He asked me to get in touch with her as " he does not want her to be upset" . What ? What an idiot who is she ? I was shocked...well I said I was going to join but since he sent me goodbye text than this would be more than awkward. I also responded to her that due to change in circumstances - I won't be joining the group. He has 4 kids and time for all these gathering ....he sees this 80 year old at least 2-3 times a week. She sent me a message to not take him serious and re think .... Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 They sound like a team. Very weird. Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Katrina , yes he said that....didnt know to laugh or what...he was flirtatious with me , we danced and he kissed me a few times ...i was tipsy so I kissed him a bit too and enjoyed that ....but then I stopped and came to my senses. He would be happy with fwb- most men would ....when he realised I would want more - he backed off and sent goodbye message ...." it was a pleasure to meet you" we work in the same building....how weird is that... Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I don't think he's weird, I think you find him weird because your expectations for you and he were super high and he simply wasn't on the same page. Drunkenly making out with platonic friends? I've done it, I was young but I've done it. Let's say I had more than platonic feelings towards the friend and was pushing for more and they treated like a friend after, yeah I'd be annoyed too, but who takes the blame? I don't think things were handled well, it may be a lesson for next time. Curb you expectations and communicate, don't waste your time being passive aggressive, it doesn't work on people who don't really care one way or the other. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Four kids with a woman he describes as a hookup. Great guy, and an STD waiting to happen. The manipulative old lady loves drama and wants to be viewed as a guru. I'd skip her, too. These people are a waste of your time. Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Figure it out- fully agreed with you. I didn't handle this well from the start and I should know better by now...am 38! Anyway his ways are surprise to me...never came across such type...he was very much under this 70 year old woman influence ...when we waited for them to turn up he was checking watch every 2 min. Don't get me wrong - she is very lovely and no wonder he likes her company but 3 times a week? More than his kids ? He literally run out of building to meet her and other people. Mind you they know each other 6 months not years.... Sure am gutted he is not crazy about me ...yes I need to manage my expectations . Is just I feel such a strong connection so rarely ...normally I don't hang around. Anyway he sent this goodbye text and this is it. Can't be joining them as this would be a torture. At least for now. Thank you all for your words of wisdom throughout this .... Link to comment
ella20 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 I just feel so gutted about this man....not sure how to get over it ....now I have mixed feelings about joining this group...maybe we would have got closer and things would naturally progress ... Oh I don't know..... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 *snipped* I should read ALL before posting. (sowwy) Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 *snipped* I should read ALL before posting. (sowwy) Yeah, I had read your post before snipping and was wondering! Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I just feel so gutted about this man....not sure how to get over it ....now I have mixed feelings about joining this group...maybe we would have got closer and things would naturally progress ... Oh I don't know..... Communicate. But to be fair I think Katrina was right with what she said about his 'in another lifetime' line. He's telling you where his head is at. It's up to you to hear him.With that line, at best, he's a game player. But again, you can communicate with him what you want and see what he says. Me personally, I couldnt be platonic friends with a man I'm interested in romantically. I'd keep hoping he'd change his mind and that would just drive me bananas. Link to comment
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