Ex girlfriend says I am pushing her away

[TD1993]

My ex girlfriend of 1 1/2 years and I broke up 2 months ago. We have had limited contact since the break up. I broke up with her but quickly regretted it and have been asking for another chance and apologizing the last 2 months. The last week when I last spoke with her, I told her I would hate to throw our relationship away over insignificant reasons and that I promised things would be better this time. Her response was that every time I bring up my feelings or wanting to get back together it just pushes her further and further away.

 

I have been in NC with her since this conversation (5 days). I told her that I understand what she is saying and that I will leave it alone. She has said she wants to remain friends but she puts forth no effort from her end what so ever.

 

Anyone have any advice? My current state is just letting her go and if she comes back it was meant to be. I also don't plan on contacting her for any reason, at least not for awhile. I have said my piece to her and was shut down so in my mind I need to start seeing changes and effort from her end for me to even begin thinking about having any sort of relationship or friendship with her.

[shessofly]

I think you are doing the right thing implementing nc. From the sound of it your ex has emotionally checked out. A friendship is not possible until all romantic feelings have dissolved. I would continue to work on moving on from this. Sorry.

[SweetGirl28]

Listen to her. When she says you are pushing her further away, she means it.

 

Not contacting her is necessary. Let her see if she misses you.

 

Being friends is not practical when you still have feelings of wanting to be together.

If you happen to cross paths, be cordial but keep it short. Don't refer to the breakup

or getting back together. Give her space.

[TD1993]

Thanks for reaffirming my thoughts. I know I will see her again eventually, we have way to many mutual friends. And who knows, maybe after she has had some space for awhile she actually realize she misses me. I am 23, she is 22. This is her first time actually being single for an extended period so I also understand that she needs to explore and figure stuff out

[TD1993]

I could use some advice on how to deal with the feelings of missing her. I don't have enough to stay busy with at work to keep myself distracted.

[mjae]

You're grieving and need to continue working through that process. These feelings won't last forever, but will sure feel like they do. Google the 5 stages of grief. You'll gain an understanding of where you're at and how far you have to go in order to be completely healed.

 

Hang out with friends and family. Find someone you can talk to on a daily basis. Heck, even date, but don't get serious or involved in another relationship. Travel. Exercise. Go out for a drink but don't get drunk. Be sociable. Read. Learn. Take up counseling if you need to. Find something you've always wanted to do and pursue it. Take classes. Get into photography. Play video games. Go for a long walk with some music in your ears (uplifting music, not depressing music). Clean your room. Rearrange your room so it's different. Decorate your room. Find a new job.

 

"When everything changes, change everything!"

[No1]

If you want to be with her, then see if you can afford a few sessions of couples counseling. Show her you are willing to work with her to break down walls.

[TD1993]

I have tried. I haven't mentioned counseling but I have told her I have been working on bettering myself and that I knew it wasn't feesable to jump right back into a relationship. I mentioned that I would like to start just dating again so that we can slowly work on rebuilding attraction and the relationship.