I suspect my girlfriend might have lied about something months ago, should I bring it up?

[MacTheII]

So a number of months ago my girlfriend of 3 years found a guy on the internet named Cameron. She is a little, I.e. Likes to roleplay being very young. She and I do this together because it makes her happy and I definitely don't mind it, but some things about it make me uncomfortable. This was one of them.

She would never let me see her texts to Cameron because she said it was embarrassing because he was also a little and the impression she gave me is that she was embarrassed of me reading her little conversations. I totally understood and the last thing I'd want to do is make her uncomfortable about this really intimate and taboo thing.

Time goes by and she stops mentioning him and she has deleted her texts with him. I ask her what happened and she said he got weird so she stopped. I didn't pry, in order not to upset her still. In my eyes I was just glad he was gone.

Fast forward further and she has deeply betrayed my trust numerous times and we've broken up and gotten back together. While we were broken up and she approached me to talk I demanded answers about everything and she was very open about it all. I even asked about Cameron and she said nothing was ever romantic between them.

In retrospect now I think it's very strange that she deleted their messages, she never deletes messages. She has lots of incriminating conversations on her phone right now from the incidents in the past that she never deleted but for some reason she deleted Cameron way back when.

I've been having trouble pushing myself to trust her after all the things she's done to make amends for the past. I don't feel like she told me the entire truth about Cameron. I don't know if it would change my feelings for her if she did but I just need to know.

Would it be a terrible idea to ask her about it now? A couple months after we've gotten back together? It is tearing me up inside like everything else but I'm just worried that continually questioning her faith in me will make her upset and unmotivated to try and win my trust back. Should I leave it in the past and write it off as something her past, deceitful self did and it's irrelevant to my current life?

[MissCanuck]

Her past deceptions are not irrelevant to the present, OP. She showed you she is capable of breaking your trust; what did she do that broke you up before? And under what circumstances did you reconcile?

 

It sounds like the nature of her relationship with this Cameron is but one of a rather long list of questionable behaviour. Why are you still trying with someone who you can't trust?

[mia500]

Let her know that her actions with this Cameron guy are really gnawing at you. Sit her down for a talk and if she does not want to answer, be persistent and keep asking questions and expressing that it's unfair for you to feel this way.

[13to50]

I think everyone has experienced what you are feeling right now. It is incredibly hard to build trust with someone, have them break it, and rebuild. But, when someone does something wrong then it is their responsibility to earn your trust back in my opinion. I lied to my bf once, I told him I stopped smoking. For a couple months I was smoking and just telling him I wasn't. I realized after confessing that I owed it to him to be extremely nice when he brought it up, even if it annoyed me. But being open I feel like made it easier for us to heal. I told that story so maybe you could explain this concept to your girlfriend. I would approach it by concentrating on that you felt she blocked you out with Cameron and you want to know what their relationship was like. Ask her if she misses him and if she is okay with how things ended. She is more likely to WANT to open up and FEEL okay opening up if she doesn't feel interrogated. But, everyone is different and if she is hiding something she will resist any type of conversation. If this does bother you, do not be afraid to say to her that you can't be with someone who keeps part of their life a secret from you. That you want to be a team and involved with each other. It isn't fair that you cannot express your insecurities in the relationship when she has broken your trust in the past. I know I do not know the whole situation but from what you've said this is my opinion.

[Hollyj]

Don't understand why you are with someone you don't trust?

[ShatteredMan]

Where there's smoke there's fire. Let her go.

 

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Why do you think she will change her behavior in the future where the stakes will be undoubtedly higher if your relationship continues?