Do cheaters alway get their way?

[aria87]

Hello ENA,

I'm posting in the hopes of getting some perspective on my situation. Without going into too much details, 4 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years. We had discussed our future and taking the next step ---->marriage. He wasn't ready to get married so after a year of waiting around, I got tired of waiting and realized I was wasting my time and broke up with him. I was devastated but I was tired of the confusion and hesitation on his part. It recently came to my attention that in the last 6 months of our relationship (maybe even longer) he had been cheating on me with several women and to top it off, he jumped into a new relationship with someone else 2 weeks after our breakup. he is not aware that I know about his cheating.

 

It was a big blow to my confidence and self esteem that the man I thought knew, turned out to be completely different. And while I'm grateful that I figured out who he really was now, it still hurts knowing that he was capable of doing this to me. And now he's in a serious relationship with someone else which hurts even more because he's told everyone how happy he Is with her and that he's serious about her. I know I shouldn't care about him anymore but it doesn't take the pain away right now. It seems like he got away with everything he did and on top of it he is happy. If anyone can please give me some advice or share how they're experience was in a similar situation and how it all turned out, that would be great.

[j.man]

A lot of ***holes get their way. We only hear about the folks who get caught. You can only imagine how many go unscathed. Dwell on every unpunished misjustice and you'll find yourself leading a pretty miserable life. I mean Pol Pot died during house arrest in the comfort of his own home at like 80. You can be sure some cheaters carry on in life just fine.

 

A betrayal of trust isn't easy to get over, but focus on you and what you can still achieve.

[shellyf62]

My ex had an affair, married the woman he cheated with,they were together for 8 years, then she cheated on him.

 

Karma does eventually get most cheaters, just be patient

[aria87]

I don't think I would care in 8 years anymore lol. I just hate that I'm here struggling to deal with everything on my own and he's happy with her. He wasn't a great boyfriend either but I was never unfaithful.

 

Thank for sharing your story though

[melancholy123]

He "says" he's happy with her, but you cant be sure he really is. You've found out he's not the guy you thought he was so you try to learn from this and dont beat yourself up about it, even tho it really hurts right now. What goes around comes around!

[aria87]

It seems like he's happy and serious with her. They have both met each other's families and have discussed moving in together after dating only 3 months. It's just hard to swallow the fact that he threw away 8 years like it was nothing.

[shellyf62]

I don't think I would care in 8 years anymore lol. I just hate that I'm here struggling to deal with everything on my own and he's happy with her. He wasn't a great boyfriend either but I was never unfaithful.

 

Thank for sharing your story though

 

We had 2 young children together, so even though I didnt want to know anything I still heard it all.

 

How do you know so much about your ex? Is someone telling you? are you looking at his social media?

 

Also a lot of people jump from relationship to relationship & never deal with the fallout. Doesnt mean he is happy, could mean he is someone who cant be alone.

[aria87]

mutual friends told me. I have asked them not to tell me anything anymore. They don't approve of the situation and have a low opinion of him after what he has done.

 

I can't even imagine going through this situation with 2 children involved. I applaud your strength for getting through such a ty situation.

 

Does anybody else have any other stories to share? I would love to hear what happened when people's exes cheated on them and how everything turned out?

[shellyf62]

mutual friends told me. I have asked them not to tell me anything anymore. They don't approve of the situation and have a low opinion of him after what he has done.

 

I can't even imagine going through this situation with 2 children involved. I applaud your strength for getting through such a ty situation.

 

Does anybody else have any other stories to share? I would love to hear what happened when people's exes cheated on them and how everything turned out?

 

Thank you. It was 21 yrs ago now. I raised my children alone & they are wonderful adults now. They also see their father as little as possible.

 

I had to move because all the "well meaning neighbours" kept telling me what they were up to as well. I think some people get a sadistic pleasure in doing it.

[ColdCouch]

 

Does anybody else have any other stories to share? I would love to hear what happened when people's exes cheated on them and how everything turned out?

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. 8 years is a long time. I was married to my ex for 7 and it was a horrible relationship. When he finally left me for the other woman, I was happy. My situation is different, however, because during the marriage he was extremely abusive in many ways. He would also always threatened to kill me if I ever left, which then downgraded to "throwing acid in my face and shooting me in my kneecaps so no one else would want me," to killing my pets/family, to killing himself. I finally got to a point where I didn't care any longer and told him to do his worst. I got to the point where I was exhausted and refused to give in to his narcissistic/sociopathic rage any longer. And that was when he finally found someone else and eventually dumped me. Before that, it was impossible to get him out of my life. I literally would pray every night he'd meet someone else so I could be done with him and his equally insane family, finally.

 

Well, you would think someone so abusive and cruel would have a pretty crappy life now, right? Nope. He's "happily" married with two kids, a job as a cop, a house, cars, etc. At first I was so confused. "Surely someone that horrible wouldn't end up in a happy marriage and appear so successful, right?" Well, yes and no.

 

Before I cut all ties with him, I still kept contact with him when we divorced. I was extremely fair-- far too fair, in his favor!-- during the divorce. I was still sucked in by his years of abuse and triangulation tactics that I allowed him to use me as a pawn to make his new wife jealous (yes, I met her about three times and she was actually a very nice person). When I realized he was being "kind" to me for the first time in forever, I finally figured out it was only to abuse her and not because he started to suddenly value me as a friend. He just wanted to make her feel insecure and confuse her, which is how he initially groomed me. And the couple of times I saw them together, I witnessed some subtle abuse. He would pull many familiar tactics on her as he did to me. For example, he would subtlety insult her in front of others and demean her in a cutesy and charming way, so if she spoke up she'd look like she was overreacting or crazy. I saw myself in her as she would sit there and scowl silently. I had been in that position all too many times. And he would be passive aggressive and do other things to her. It was really sad watching it. So I cut off ties permanently because I realized he was just using me, he was NEVER a friend to me during the marriage, so why should I agree to be brainwashed into believing that we had a friendship outside of the marriage? So sick.

 

Anyway that's my extremely abridged version. I'm pretty sure that they are still together (it's been about 7 or 8 years). They remind me a a couple that tries to keep up appearances to others. They make it look like they are in love and blissed out to others via social media, but I know it's all superficial. Is that to say that your ex and his new partner aren't happy? No. They could very well be. My ex and his new wife are so dysfunctional that maybe they enjoy the drama and on some level they are happy. Who knows?

 

The point here is, be happy that your ex found a better match. He may not have been abusive towards you, but he didn't exactly treat you well towards the end of the relationship either. You deserved a better resolution after having invested 8 years. But if he's happy and you ever truly loved him (which I'm sure you did), then be happy he found someone that he's happy to be with, even if it's not you, sadly. It may feel like he simply "threw away 8 years", but we know that's not true. Those 8 years helped both of you to mature into the people you are today. It's never wasted. And perhaps one day soon you, too, will find a better match and be thankful that you are no longer with your ex.

[MissCanuck]

mutual friends told me. I have asked them not to tell me anything anymore. They don't approve of the situation and have a low opinion of him after what he has done.

 

I can't even imagine going through this situation with 2 children involved. I applaud your strength for getting through such a ty situation.

 

Does anybody else have any other stories to share? I would love to hear what happened when people's exes cheated on them and how everything turned out?

 

I went through something very similar. My ex and I were together around 8 years too (lived together for about 6.5) He had been growing distant and I knew something was wrong. But, he'd been a very respectful and lovely boyfriend, so I chalked it up to stress or other such issues.

 

I was wrong. He'd been seeing his co-worker for a few months, which I didn't confirm until after we had split up. I would never have suspected he was capable of it. However, I used that shock and anger at being lied to, to propel me forward. Within a year of breaking up, I finally fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine and carved a new path for myself.

 

Nearly 6 years later, I live on the other side of the world and have a lovely partner. My ex is now married to and has a child with his affair partner. (We're from a small town, word travels!) We have not seen or spoken to each other in a few years now, and I am okay with that. I am a lot happier and more fulfilled in many ways. I have no idea if his marriage is a happy one. Frankly, I don't really care either. He is a memory from another life now. Focus on yourself and you will find greater things if you work towards them. I promise.

[aria87]

thank you for sharing your stories everyone. There is some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in this. If anyone else has any stories, keep them coming.

[PICCOLLO]

Its a terrible situation to be in. Focussing on the fact he was a cheating douchbag is the way to go. Leaving was the best thing you did. Now you can focus on yourself and finding someone who will make you happy.

 

Who cares if hes happy, moved on, whatever. Make this about you.

 

Lucky it was only 8 years. Imagine if you'd married him and discovered all this!

 

Stay positive, be upset then move on to better things.

[Jomerta85]

Cheaters very rarely change and chances are he will screw up his new relationship or karma will comeback to haunt him and he will end up sharing your pain in my experience both seem to happen equally

[aria87]

Thanks for the responses. I guess in my mind, I picture that I was the problem and thats why cheated and that he will be very loyal to the new girlfriend. I know thats not true but its as If the mind just likes to trick you sometimes.

 

I came back to ask everyone a different question; my ex is angry with me and it doesn't make sense why. He cheated and left me for someone else, so why is he of all people angry when I was always faithful to him?

[Mikey383]

Best saying out there: What goes around, comes around or is it what comes around, goes around...

 

Bottom line is: KARMA stings.... and eventually it will sting "THEM" hard....

[reinventmyself]

It seems like he's happy and serious with her. They have both met each other's families and have discussed moving in together after dating only 3 months. It's just hard to swallow the fact that he threw away 8 years like it was nothing.

 

It wasn't easy to hear but I had a therapist tell me once that just because they weren't good to you doesn't mean they won't be a good match for someone else.

 

Or vice versa. Yin and yang. Some have it, some don't.

 

You two just couldn't make each other happy. It's as simple as that. Be thankful you know now rather than later.

 

Making comparisons or measuring yourself against them is pointless and you are only hurting yourself.

[EternalOptimis]

He cheated and left me for someone else, so why is he of all people angry when I was always faithful to him?

Mostly because you dumped him. The cheating (to him) is incidental.

In case you don't know it already, you are far better without the little coward

[Jibralta]

I came back to ask everyone a different question; my ex is angry with me and it doesn't make sense why. He cheated and left me for someone else, so why is he of all people angry when I was always faithful to him?

 

I think some people are incapable of insight. Rather than contemplating the situation and understanding their own role in the problem, they deflect and blame, refusing to accept responsibility.

[MelissaQ]

I am going through the same thing.. You're not alone. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years. He meant literally the world to me, and then he cheated in the last few weeks of our relationship. It's been two months since the breakup and he's together with her now.. Hurts like a b*tch

[aria87]

thank you guys for sharing your experiences. Very painful situation to be in, but a good lesson came out of it. I need to love myself more, as cheesy as that sounds.