Hooking up with a friend...

[Roughriders]

Hi,

Looking for another persons thought on a situation which has been on going. I won’t share my feeling s for the simple fact that I want an unbiased opinion.

 

Situation - met a (girl) friend about 2.5 years ago through mutual friends. During that time, this girl and I have hung out alone and/or with our mutual friends. From time to time, and most recently this past weekend, a hook up happens. We never talk about it prior, during or after.

Another part to this is we have went on short road trips together and are in the works of planning a weekend plus get away alone (to a couple sporting events).

 

A little background and us. We’ve been single the whole time we’ve known each other. She’s divorced with one child and I’m just single. She’s 35, me 37.

 

What are people’s thoughts on what is happening here?

[SweetGirl28]

Sounds like two friends who occasionally have the added benefit of a sexual relationship.

In essence, an undefined fwb, since neither of you talk about it.

 

Could be physical attraction, loneliness, convenience.

 

I'm wondering why you don't talk about it?

Do you want a relationship?

[Roughriders]

I’m not sure why we don’t talk about it; somethings are better left unsaid maybe.

We both aren’t actively looking for a relationship but have been with other people since we have known each other. Funny thing is that we talk about that. Lol

[SweetGirl28]

I’m not sure why we don’t talk about it; somethings are better left unsaid maybe.

We both aren’t actively looking for a relationship but have been with other people since we have known each other. Funny thing is that we talk about that. Lol

 

Haha, okay.

Well, if it works, leave it the way it is.

 

I suppose if either of you want more, it will become known.

Just be prepared for the fact that you may develop feelings that go deeper, or she might,

And one of you may end up hurt if it isn't reciprocated.

 

Have fun!

[catfeeder]

I can only speak for myself, and I don't do 'it happened'. I'm responsible for my behavior, and I learned at a young age that empy sex with no meaning isn't what I'm cut out for. So I need to get to know someone well enough to be able to speak with them openly and learn exactly where I stand--and where I want to stand--before I'll sleep with them.

 

You didn't give yourself that degree of respect before the hookup, but you can always opt to give it to yourself NOW. I'd ask the woman out for a walk or a meal, and then I'd tell her that I know myself well enough to know that I'm relationship material, and I'd like to know whether she considers us to be heading in that direction. Then I'd hear her out. If her answer amounts to 'yes,' then I'd ask her where she stands on exclusivity, and if her answer amounts to 'no,' then I'd tell her that I adore her, and if she ever decides that she'd like to pursue an exclusive relationship with me, she can let me know. Until then, I wish her the best.

 

I'd walk on from there. I don't believe in nibbling around the edges of someone else's life. Either I'm 'in' to the degree that I want to be, or I'm out. If I don't offer myself that clarity, I can't expect it from anyone else.

 

Head high.