76FRS76 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 I'll try to keep this short n sweet...Broke up with my ex of two years back in June, 3 weeks before my birthday. She sent a text wishing me HB. Five months later, she is coming up to a BIG birthday and I'm in a quandry. Should I or shalln't I ? We've seen each other/spoken once in that time and discussed what went wrong. The break up was simply down to 'our compatibility' according to her. There were no third parties involved and we both trusted one another. She said she'd like to be friends in the future and we both accepted that as being good, yet she has made absolutely no effort to contact me, not even a simple hello. I've not even had an invite to the party she is throwing. There was no animosity between us during our long chat, but she was quite distant and cold at times, though we did hug each other when saying goodbye. It was me that initiated the previous contact to get some understanding on what went wrong. She has emotionally moved on and is dating, whereas I still miss/love her and haven't. I want to wish her HB as I would feel it cruel and unkind not to, however her silence has pretty much made it clear to me that she's just not interested in me as a friend or anything else so perhaps I should just get on my life and ignore it ? I know I'm over analysing and for some it would be a very straight forward decision to make, but for me, it's meaning sleepless nights. help ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Ahhhh, if I had a nickel for every "Should I text my ex Happy Birthday" post..... The answer is simple: if you want to open up communications again, then NO. If you don't want to open up communications again, then NO. Why NO? Because this is HER birthday. Not your excuse for reaching out to her. If you want to reach out to her, to it today. Don't ruin/spoil/otherwise impose on her birthday. Especially a big one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 So she dumps you, moves on and acts cold towards you. She doesn't deserve any birthday wishes, any communication or acknowledgement. She doesn't really deserve much thought really, let alone sleepness nights. Your being a 'nice guy.' Contacting her will indicate that you are a doormat and have no self respect. That she can act cold and you'll keep coming back for more and that she has done the right thing by ending it with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
76FRS76 Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Yes it's HER birthday and by sending wishes it wouldn't be to spoil her big day and nor would I think she would be thinking that either. I believe (maybe wrongly?) that she would appreciate it and think it awful of me if I didn't at least acknowledge it. But does it just show that I'm trying to cling to something that isn't there and should let her contact me IF she actually does want me in her life as a friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 does it just show that I'm trying to cling to something that isn't there and should let her contact me IF she actually does want me in her life as a friend? It really doesn't show anything. Except that you are trying to reach out to her. Using her birthday as the excuse. If you want to be friends with her (which I'm not sure why you would), reach out today. But I wouldn't recommend it. She hasn't reached out because she's trying to move on. You should too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bradlee4 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 This is the time to say your GF happy birthday. Now enjoy the time with you GF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Yes it's HER birthday and by sending wishes it wouldn't be to spoil her big day and nor would I think she would be thinking that either. I believe (maybe wrongly?) that she would appreciate it and think it awful of me if I didn't at least acknowledge it. But does it just show that I'm trying to cling to something that isn't there and should let her contact me IF she actually does want me in her life as a friend? If she wanted you in her life, she wouldn't be acting cold and would have invited you to her birthday. Please look after yourself and dont be a doormat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Her birthday is an excuse to contact her. Dont believe me. Why didnt you send a text to her prior to her birthday? No good reason to. So dont use her birthday as a reason to reach out. You two are Xs, that means you no longer have to care about her, she no longer has to care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShatteredMan Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Ahhhh, if I had a nickel for every "Should I text my ex Happy Birthday" post..... MODS: There should be a sub-forum dedicated to "Should I text my ex a Happy Birthday?" Answer: No. You shouldn't send this to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
76FRS76 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Don't understand why people are so set against it. just trying to be friendly, that's all ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Because you wouldn't be doing it to "be friendly ". You'd be doing it with the hope she'll respond and you can restart communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
76FRS76 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'd be doing it so she didn't think of me as someone who is utterly cold and doesn't give a ****. Why should I care, i don't know, but I do ? I suppose it's because I want a friendship in the future and that probably wouldn't ever happen by ignoring this big day ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShatteredMan Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Because you wouldn't be doing it to "be friendly ". You'd be doing it with the hope she'll respond and you can restart communication. Exactly. And she will know this is why you're doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Don't understand why people are so set against it. just trying to be friendly, that's all ? So in the last 3 months how many 'friendly' texts have you sent your X? How many texts have you sent saying hello? If you two have been friendly, civil, and the feelings have been mutual, then I don't see any problems with it at all. I can only speak for myself but here is what I see and why I say no. 1. She broke up with you, she gave you a reason but at this point the excuse or reason doesn't matter. She didn't want to be in a relationship with you any longer. 2. She mentioned something about being friends. She has NO intention of being a friend to you. She said that only to soften the blow and waving the 'friendship' flag is less painful 3. She has not reached out at all... thus confirming that she doesn't really want to be friends. She didn't even want you at her party... 4. She is over you 5. She doesn't want to be with you 6. She is not going to come back to you or get feelings for you. 7. You however, still have feelings for her. 8. You would love to get back with her. 9. You in no way would like to be friends with her. And to make my point. How would you feel if she called you and said she met the man of her dreams and is going to marry him. And you are invited. (does that thought alone make your blood pressure go up?) Sending her a Happy Birthday text is only an excuse to start communicating. So what if she doesn't respond? Youll possibly go in a tailspin and wonder what it all means. If she does respond, it could send you in a tailspin and wonder what it all means. She is happy where she is. She is on her own path living her own life and I'm sorry but it doesn't include you in any capacity. Now, in a few years when you don't care if she gets married you can send her a birthday text or say Hello to her every so often. But you still have emotional feelings for her and sending her a HB text will not be good for YOU. However... the choice is yours and if you want to send a birthday text and if it would make you feel better, and it would eat you up inside if you don't, then go ahead and send one. But remember, you are doing it for you, not for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
76FRS76 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Well that's told me ! But i appreciate your candidness. I think I know here well enough to know that she will probably respond with a thanks, but I can't see anything more than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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