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Three months ago I have moved from London to Spain. Found the job rather fast in one of the pubs and I met the guy there. He was super nice from day one, dropping me home after late shift, helping me out looking for a flat, and asking me out on the days off. Eventually, after couple weeks we went out for a coffee and ended up spending whole day together. That night we almost slept together but he stopped, and said that he feels more for me, he wants to make sure I really want to do it. He said that I have my plans, and I don't want to stay there for longer, and he is not the right person I should stay for. The next week, he invited me over to his place where I spend the night but again, he didn't want to have sex, even though he really wanted it do happen. During that night, I told him, that I hope that, whatever happen between us won't affect the work, as I have done it before and it become very complicated. After that night, he admitted that for the first time he felt like this for a girl. Normally, he is sleeping around and have no special feelings towards the girls. With me, he was scared of doing any move so that it won't go wrong. At this moment, he is keep saying that he really likes me, and he misses me, but he doesn't initiate a contact with me. Two weeks ago I lost my job, so I called him to tell him that. He was with someone, but run straight away to meet me. He admitted he doesnt want me to leave, and he will help me, that he cares for me and I'm someone more important to him than the others. He also complained that I'm being difficult, do not open for him and he doesn't see any effort from my side.

After this meeting we met accidently on the street once. And I decided to play open cards. I told him that I really like him and I'm ready to try something more with him. He said he wants it too, but he is not sure. Since then (it was 5 days ago), he texted me once, and didn't say nothing apart from that he miss me.

On top of that there is a girl, which he used to date, and they stay friends with benefits. She is hoping for more, but he is claiming that he told her honestly, nothing more will be between them. Yet, they stay in touch as they have many common friends.

I have decided not to chase him, or contact him right now.

Does anyone have an opinion about it, or has been in similar situation?

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Love your answer! Just trying to figure out his motivation.


Why do people use drugs to get high? It feels good. Well with people like this guy, lying, manipulating and fooling others is a huge high and it feels good, and it's addictive, and that's that. If they can fool you more than once, it's an even bigger high. They aren't normal and when you see that kind of behavior, don't waste your time wondering why, just have enough sense of self preservation to run for the hills fast. This is a case where ghosting them is actually the safest thing to do.

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