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Date Went Downhill

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So my boyfriend and I got into an argument today. We've been dating for about a year. We went to Olive Garden today and before we ate, he told me that he can't wait to get home after and relax. I then told him to not make me feel rushed, because I hate feeling rushed when on a date, it makes me feel like there's not point to going on the date in the first place. He said he wouldn't. I talked the majority of the time, and he just pretty much listened. Since I was talking a lot, I didn't eat my food as fast as he did. So he finished before me, and then he started to pay on the electronic pay screen, and then also whipped out his phone and started playing on it. I told him that I thought that that was rude. He didn't say anything. I got angry because he made me feel like I was being rushed. And treated me like he had "clocked out" of the date. The next thing he did was say he was tired and started to jokingly close his eyes. And that made me even more mad. I told him that I don't want to feel rushed. It isn't enjoyable. So then he angrily told me to eat and that if I would've eaten while I was talking to him I would've been done faster. That made me furious and I told him that the only reason I didn't do that was because he didn't even say much back to me. He then said that I didn't give him a chance to. And then I got up and stormed out of the restaurant and he followed. He was pissed because I "wasted his money and wasted food". I was pissed because I felt like he rushed me. He told me he doesn't want to take me out to eat anymore.


Who was wrong in this situation?

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You both played a part in the disastrous date. From what he said, it sounded like he didn't want to be there, so it's hard to enjoy a date when he'd rather be somewhere else. When you called him rude, you were attacking his behavior. What you should have done is say, "I'd like a rule where we both stay off our phones when we're on a date, because I really love our time together without interruptions and like it better if we pay attention to each other."


If this is the way you two regularly act with one another, maybe too much bitterness has grown between you and the love has died. Maybe you've outgrown each other. If you want to make things work though, you two will have to work on your communication skills as a couple. There are articles and books you can read about couples communication and ways to make a partner feel special. If both of you read them together, perhaps you can make some improvements. A few good ones are: The Five Love Languages and Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus.

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I'd agree you're both at fault. That said, even if not as tactful if he could have been, he did preempt the date with a, "I just wanna go home and chill." So taking your time with dinner probably wasn't the best way to go about it.


Does that mean you're not justified if you're not getting enough date nights or time out of the house together? Absolutely not. However, if that's the case, you pick your battle at the right time. Fact is if he doesn't want to be out, he doesn't want to be out. There are a hundred and one reasons, understandable or not, to feel that way. If you really cared that much about not being rushed through dinner, that's when you say, "You can go home and I'll finish," not rush out of the restaurant yourself. For as much as I'd roll my eyes at him being a date night scrooge, I can't imagine my lady just storming out of Olive Garden. That's something else.

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Perhaps a dumb question, but do you live together?


If you don't, then I get why you'd be irritated by him not wanting to be there.


Or maybe it was a super special night? I'd probably feel a little grumpy if it was and he seemed to not want to be there.


However, if my boyfriend said to me that he wanted to go home and relax, I'd be far more open to his feelings, even suggesting we could go somewhere else, or make it quick. I think you sounded selfish, to be honest. You guys could easily have compromised.

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We went to Olive Garden today and before we ate, he told me that he can't wait to get home after and relax.


I would have responded, "Oh? I didn't realize you're that tired. How about if we place our order 'to go,' and we can grab a drink at the bar while we wait for it? I'll leave a tip here."


If he insisted on staying but being a bore, I'd eat soup and breadsticks while he eats his meal, have mine wrapped for lunch the next day and get out of there as quickly as he wishes.


You're the only one who knows whether this was a one-off and he just wasn't feeling up to it this time, or whether the two of you just don't enjoy one another anymore. If it's the former, I'd have been gracious and accommodating about it. If it's the latter, then I'd still have avoided an argument, but I'd question afterward whether I'll continue dating a dishrag of a BF.

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