The dumbest possible outcome.

[snkv]

Hello to all.

 

So I was in a long break-or-stay period (long distance relationship) with my (now ex) girlfriend, and during last 8 months I have been dating another girl that I just clicked with, we had our contacts, but I was always on the defensive, because I still wanted my girlfriend. Over the time I realized that that other girl is the type I have been looking for, but during the last 2 months she has been skipping on dates. I broke up with my girlfirend, and I went on a dinner with the other girl, only to realize she has started dating someone else, who is the exact opposite of everything she was looking for in a man, from her own words. It happened "spontaneous" but she was not sure it would last, well it did as it seems. This guy is 5 years yonger than her. She literally told me "why didn't you told me earlier" and "well this is a miss", and other painful statements as "well, if I am with someone, I am with someone" and "there is a possibility of us being together in the future". Despite that, she still writes to me nearly everyday, funny quotes, memes, absolute bull. She has told me multiple times during the 8 months that I am also the guy she has been looking for, she was really happy being with me in public, etc. Not to mention she knew about me having a long-distance relationship during those 8 months.

 

I don't know how to act. I have been losing sleep for about 3 months now (4-5 hours of rotating in the bed each night), I am constantly angry. I am an active gym goer, heavy weights and painfully long sessions do me no good, only a good 15-20 minutes of being physically tired and exhausted, which lowers the anger for the amount of time. I feel like my head is going to explode, I am constantly shaking my feet like a crazy person. I tried distractions, tried everything except drugs.

[pippy longstocking]

So it is 3 women you are talking about ? I am totally lost

[Keyman]

Not entirely fully sure what is going on in your post, but it sounds like you can't seem to find the right girl for you and it is causing you frustration. You can't sleep and you are hoping going hard at the gym can take away some of the frustration? This is only a guess as I am a little lost here too.

 

Perhaps you need to focus on not dating and going you own way for a while until you get your frustrations sorted out.

[snkv]

1 girl now, but we just had another conversation and I am even more pissed, maybe I will go with Keyman's advice. I am turning 28 next month, and life seems over for me at this point. Thank You both!

[MissCanuck]

I'm going to see if I understand: you had a girlfriend but were dating someone else while you and your then-gf were trying to decide whether or not to continue the relationship.

 

You held back from Girl #2, because you really still hoped Girl#1 would want to move forward with you.

 

Things ended with Girl#1, and then you learned Girl #2 had moved on and is now dating someone else.

 

So now, there is no Girl #1 or Girl #2. Is that correct?

[snkv]

Yes MissCanuck, and the problem is, the first one didn't want to tell me that things are over, because she was unsure of how I would react, FOR TWO YEARS. Things dead and gone, the other girl stretched out to desperate thinking, some total random guy tried his luck, they had sex, then she wasn't sure if that should continue, but now she decided to give this a chance. Despite all, she was eager on hearing what I wanted with her in details, what I miss about her and all.. you know where this goes. And all I got was "Well timing is a ". This is turning into a huge mental issue for me, because I have tried to skip on social and female contact as much as possible in this city. I have no other options at this stage of my life, and everyday chores are becoming a burden.

[MissCanuck]

I agree that you would be best to stay single for a while.

 

Time is going to help you with this one. It won't happen immediately, but your anger should slowly start to dissipate with the more time and space you take for yourself.

[snkv]

@MissCanuck , trouble is , I was alone already, for about 3 years (the long-distance relationship). Now I feel beyond miserable. I am actually currently watching Fight Club and it makes more sense than ever.

[reinventmyself]

@MissCanuck , trouble is , I was alone already, for about 3 years (the long-distance relationship). Now I feel beyond miserable. I am actually currently watching Fight Club and it makes more sense than ever.

 

Well. . .you weren't entirely alone. You were in a LDR, by choice.

I would stop having any communication with the other girl. Sounds like she is keeping you on a shelf for her convenience.

That would make anyone feel miserable. Besides, I feel sorry for her new boyfriend. You should too. She's not being entirely faithful.

It doesn't make her worthy girlfriend material. Not one that you would want.

 

Just accept that these situations feel pretty bad. There's no way around it and it's normal to feel disappointed.

Try to stop your self short of all extreme negative self talk.

You aren't the first person to be let down in a relationship and you won't be the last.

 

We all survive and if we are lucky we come out the other side having learned some valuable lessons.

Hang in there.

[MissCanuck]

@MissCanuck , trouble is , I was alone already, for about 3 years (the long-distance relationship). Now I feel beyond miserable. I am actually currently watching Fight Club and it makes more sense than ever.

 

I mean 'alone' as in single. Not in a relationship.