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How do I ask if ex is okay? (Mental Illness, unsure of current circumstances)


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Keeping gender out of this, it only seems to bring trouble or bias.


My ex has some severe, untreated mental illness(es) and has been detached from reality for some time now.


The kids don't really talk to them unless it's sort of pushed-for. They don't ask how ex is doing, don't seem to care as ex never acknowledged the issues, never sought treatment and doesn't seem to be headed that way in the foreseeable future.


I worry for my ex, I worry for their safety, housing, mental stability, I worry if they're eating (ex was not healthy, was losing weight rapidly and didn't seem able to fend without constant intervention)


I worry my kids are going to lose their other parent permanently and that the chance for some kind of reintegration into their lives will never happen. The kids miss their other parent dearly, but not in exes' current state. In the current state, ex is basically an uncaring, unfeeling, unloving statue. They see it, they recognize it, they have come to terms with it as best they can over the past year or so.


I just wonder if it's okay to ask from time to time "are you okay?", "how are you doing?" or if there's anything I can do (within reason) for them.


I'm not trying to reach out to get back together, I just worry about their well-being and want to ensure things don't get so out of hand that they become 100% unrecoverable. I worry about having to tell my kids their other parent is either missing or dead and that their last memories are of a deluded shell that sort of resembled them.


How do I reach out without making it seem like I'm looking to get them back?


How do I reach out without making it sound like I'm patronizing them?

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Keeping gender out of this, it only seems to bring trouble or bias.


It is not gender that causes trouble it is mental health ignorance , on line diagnosing and assumption that causes the arguments .


So has he/she being diagnosed and offered medication and treatment ? I see he/she wont get help but is help on the table ?


I agree about concern for your children and you need to do what you need to do as far as they are concerned , as in stopping visitation etc .... Sadly unless they are totally out of it and can be sectioned , it is up to him /her to actively seek help .

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Don't know what country you are in, but here in the US pretty much every single state has laws that a person can be put into psychiatric treatment if their condition is such that they are not functional. From what you describe, if this person's situation has gone to such an extreme that they cannot function, cannot even feed themselves reliably, they NEED to be committed to psychiatric care under the laws designed for this specifically. Someone who is that far gone is no longer able to make rational decisions for themselves and that's why laws, doctors, law enforcement, and relatives are able to step in and have them committed so they get the necessary medical and mental help. You need to make that call.

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