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First date lying and sex talk? Is he the one?


mia500

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I met a guy who on the outside is a pretty great person. He does Healthcare Administration, hopes to work with kids in the future, and volunteers to work with kids currently. However, I cannot tell for the life of me, if he wants a relationship or if he is just trying to get in my pants. He is about to turn 25 and I am 19. We met a month ago when I started working at his job. He calls me "baby [my name]" and insinuates that we will start dating, but I know guys can very well play pretend when they want something. There are two things bothering me. First off, we went on a date which was technically our second date. The first date was really informal at a local sushi spot right after we got off from work in our sweats. In my mind this date was our real first because it was at a nicer place, and we spent a lot of time together. Anyway, we were having a normal conversation then he flat out asks me "What are your sexual fantasies." It was definitely written all over my face how uncomfortable I became. He proceeded to tell me his fantasy (role play), and I literally put my hands up to signal him to stop. I am not a virgin, but I've never had anyone ask me this in this way or setting (so public), so is this normal? I wanted to get up and walk off because I thought we had chemistry and it felt like he shut it down to reduce me to something sexual, so I just pulled out my phone and pretend to text for about 2 minutes just to settle down (call me moody, but hey). He also tried to kiss me and grabbed my waist the first time he walked me home from work, which is really the first time we spoke outside of work.

 

Second, I am very insecure about people lying to me, even if they are white lies. I think its very disrespectful and says that someone thinks you're stupid. I feel like he is always telling white lies. I'll say, one of my relationships were long distance, and he says he was in a long distance relationship too, but when I asked questions about it, he all of a sudden cannot hear me and needs me to repeat the questions. I'm taking a break in school so only taking one course in Child Development and he now is also only taking one course in CD. And he will not give up on asking my type even when I tell him I don't wanna explain my type because I want him to be himself. I feel like with a lot of other small things I tell him he automatically has done it his whole life. I don't understand the tactic of agreeing with everything someone says to make them like you, I wouldn't wanna date a clone of myself, I want to get to know the other person. Is exaggerating to relate to someone a red flag? Because so many guys I've met do that.

 

So my questions are: The sex talk was awkward for me but could he still be boyfriend material? And should I ditch people that when I tell them details of my life, they literally repeat that same thing back to me about themselves?

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He sounds very manipulative with the lying and trying to mold himself in to something you want. He also jumped right in to sex talk when you weren't ready and fully comfortable with him. That tells me he has no respect or manners. Ditch him, he's not good boyfriend material, he doesn't even seem good human material to me.

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He sounds a real slimeball; I wouldn't look for a relationship with him.

 

Also, don't look at someone's profession to decide whether they're boyfriend material or not. Sure, you can probably immediately pass on someone who makes a living selling heroin - but there are plenty of highly-respected professionals in all walks of life who are involved in domestic abuse, sexual abuse, crime... if you think you might want to be with someone, look at how they treat you. If you feel uncomfortable around them, and they have no respect for you - that's all you need to know.

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