Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I was seeing a guy for about a month and we were both super into each other when he suddenly completely backed off. When I asked him why, he informed me that there was some emotional stuff he had to work through and because of that felt it best that we only be friends for now. His reasoning (which I won’t go into because it would be too long) was all really valid and he practically BEGGED me to stay friends with him because he didn’t want to lose me, so I agreed, even though I have romantic feelings for him. Before anyone suggests it, I will just get it out of the way that I am 99.999% confident this is not because there is another girl. It’s also not a FWB situation because he definitely gets no benefits from me (we hadn’t even kissed yet before this conversation was had).

 

When this happened, despite me believing that his reasons were genuine, I figured he was probably just trying to let me down easy for whatever reason and I prepared myself for the slow fade. But I’ve been surprised to find just the opposite . . . he’s kind of chasing me again. I backed off and stopped initiating to protect myself from rejection, but he has been texting me/calling me literally every day. He’s gone completely out of his way a couple times now to make time to see me, and he’s super good about making concrete plans and following through on them. He’s still investing enough time and effort in me that I’m not feeling like a backburner girl at all. . . I feel like a girl he’s talking to with the intention of eventually dating. But then I remember that stupid label of “friends” that he put on things and get totally confused.

 

Maybe I’m being stupid and this is all normal for male/female friendships, which I don’t really have a ton of. I just find it difficult to believe that he really wants to be friends with me THAT badly that he would continue putting in all of this effort to keep me around. Not to mention the fact that I also know that, at least at some point, he has been attracted to me and thought of me as more than a friend. I know for a fact that he has plenty of friends, so it can’t be a matter of him genuinely just being that desperate for friends.

 

Next week he suggested we “hang out” on what really sounds like a date, and I’m wondering if I should just keep pretending that this is all normal or if I should confess to him that I still have feelings for him and don’t know where he stands. I guess I’m just scared to do so, because even in just being friends with him my feelings continue to grow. If he tells me that’s still all he wants, I don’t know if I can do it but I also don’t want to lose him. Should I say anything to him when we see each other or should I just continue to ride it out and see what happens?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you just wait until you "hang out" (sure hope that means more then going to his place for some "cuddles and Netflix" and then just say to him: "Is this a platonic friends get together or an actual date?" His response should tell you all you need to know and for goodness sakes, please don't go to bed with him if you already have feelings for him BEFORE he commits to being more then your friend. You'll shred your own heart if you do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Trying to be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for will cause you a whole pile of heartache. You can be friends with a member of the opposite sex when it would really not bother you for a second if they started seeing someone else - otherwise it's just disguised longing.

 

While this will make you feel very vulnerable, it will clear up your confusion... tell him that you have feelings for him, and that you want to be more than "friends". Also, let him know that you won't be hanging out with him unless he wants you to be his girlfriend.

 

Otherwise, it sounds like he wants you hanging around on the front burner while he looks for someone else. I have never, not even once, come across a guy who wanted a girl he was really into to stay as just a "friend".

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you think there is a possibility that he is gay and really likes you and just wants to be your friend? You didn't say how old you are, but that might explain why you have not experienced ANY physical intimacy with him -- not even a kiss.

A "wait and see" approach might work, but I would not wait all that long.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Its normally the other way around but you've been friend-zoned. The solution is the same, however. You can choose to be pals or you can back off and respect how you feel by not being friends anymore. He'll either miss you and realise he wants to be more than friends or you'll give yourself the space to move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd wait until the "date" as a last chance to see where it's going. Make sure you talk to him about it. Like Sportster said, being friends with someone you have feelings for is a recipe for disaster.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...