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Future with boyfriend?


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Hi everyone.


I'm needing some advice. Please let me know if this isn't the right place to post this.


My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 5 months. He's a really great guy who I really care about but we have some problems that seem to be escalating.


Just a little about me, I'm a gay man who (whilst not medicated) struggles with anxiety which has escalated a lot recently. I tend to pull out the hairs of my beard when I'm anxious/shut down a bit. I find myself quite depressed often too.


My guy is really good about my anxiety, I try not to let it impact him too much.


Anyway, a major concern of mine in my relationship, is our sex life. Despite my anxiety, I still really enjoy sex and have a high libido. Ever since we've been together my partner has struggled with staying erect when having sex with me. We've had several conversations about it in the past, however no solution has been made. I noticed that I was really the only one initiating sex, and now I've all together stopped because I can tell it makes him uncomfortable. When we've discussed it in the past he's said his sex drive has diminished quite a lot and that he says he feels that he's 'punching' for me and that he feels inadequate to be with me (which I've assured him isn't the case).


Being the incredibly anxious person I am, I keep thinking this is my fault. I'm thinking that he, in fact isn't attracted to me (I'm his first boyfriend) because he has told me about his past and sexually he has explored a lot more than I have and had a lot of sex in really high pressure situations with no issue. This has left me feeling pretty awful.


Another issue is that I suspect he feels for me in a similar way to his best friend, rather than a lover, so I brought it up in conversation. I asked him to describe how his love for me feels and he said he feels the same way as his best friend (which was a giant red flag for me). He then asked me to do the same and I described it as it going beyond the connection with my best friend as there is a deep intimacy and understanding behind it, to which he agreed and said he felt the same way. Thoughts on this? I understand love is felt differently for different people.


Furthermore, I'm noticing he can have a bit of a temper which I find really triggering and I communicated this to him. I'm really unsure what to do because I really do care for him, he brings me a lot of happiness but I'm finding myself incredibly anxious and feeling inadequate.


To add to this, we had our first decent argument the other weekend where we went out and I realised he is different around his friends than with me. Is this common? I was broken up in my last relationship and it really negatively affected me and I don't want to be on the receiving end this time.



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