Headed that way

[Jill22]

Been together 6 years in january. He was caught sexting alot of girls after the first few years we were together. I forgave him, we ended up getting married. We had a bad fight a few weeks ago and caught messages of him asking a girl to go to a bar w him and his buddies while I was going to be elsewhere. She said no and asked wheres the wifey?

He deleted the messages but not before I read them. I confronted him, he said it was totally innocent and if she had come he wouldve told me, but didn't want me to get mad so he deleted/hid them. I know nothing's going on with the girl, but the fact he tried to be shady I really am having doubts that I need to be with him anymore. Really could use some outside advice.

[ThatwasThen]

You already forgave him once for the same sort of discretion. Obviously he's never actually learned a lesson or formed any solid romantic relationship boundaries that would keep him from failing at loyalty for good.

What do YOU think you should do?

[Jill22]

I was going to start reading his texts but then I was like wow, I cant live that way. Im just sick to my stomach. 6 years wasted and I do love him.

[Jibralta]

6 years wasted and I do love him.

 

Six years is a long time, but it's not an excuse to waste six more years! I'm sorry, but I think the writing is on the wall here

[ThatwasThen]

I was going to start reading his texts but then I was like wow, I cant live that way. Im just sick to my stomach. 6 years wasted and I do love him.

 

I'm sorry but you know he's never going to change as long as you are there believing (or pretending to believe) his lying excuses. He never suffered any consequences to his previous actions so he's like a kid who doesn't get punished for helping himself to the cookie jar... he's just going to keep taking the cookies.

 

Have you had any form of couples counselling or insisted that he get therapy to figure out why he needs the attention of other woman while he keeps you?

[DancingFool]

Well you are married so I'm not going to jump onto the just end things bandwagon. I think once you marry someone, you need to put in a lot more effort into actually working out issues between the two of you, including and especially conflict resolution skills. There is marital counseling, self help, seminars, etc. All around teaching people conflict skills. You are hardly unique and his response to fighting and conflict is very obviously to seek comfort elsewhere. Hardly healthy and you knew this before you said "I do". You also need to address what is causing the "bad" fights and your own personal contribution to this situation.

[Jill22]

Agreed. The fight that week was because my son accidentally threw away a bowl instead of putting it in the sink so he said I was a bad mom and we started arguing. I can definetly try for counseling, maybe couples would be better than individual. If he wont go, I'm done though. Hes 18 years older than me and I feel like im the mature one.

[HeartGoesOn]

The majority of cheaters are repeat offenders, so to speak. Life is short, you can do better.

 

JMO.

[AlexIsok12]

I can say coming from the other side (I was texting other woman) that it scared the **** out of me when she found the messages. Of course, it ended up us separating. However, it scared me enough that I wasn't about to do it again, and if we ever get back together I would never. You already gave him one chance, that alone should have sparked him right, so to speak. I think it's time to go to counseling if not, it needs to end.