Romanticheart1 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Hi, everyone, I'm stressed out over a guy I'm dating, and started scouring the web for dating forums. It feels easier to share here than with friends who I might annoy. Anyway, met this guy seven months ago, he's a friend of a couple of friends, and he definitely pursued me. I've been single for a LONG time (I'm a single mom) and am very cautious about dating. I originally didn't want to give him my number, but he persisted (we were at a friend's party) so I did. He then began pursuing me, and I was a little aloof, guarding my heart, but we did go on a date and text a lot. We talked sometimes. Fast forward 3 months and after the birthday celebration for our mutual friend, he seduced me. After sex, he pretty much begged me not to shut him out. So we start seeing each other, but he's busy, and I'm busy, so we see each other maybe once a week. My birthday comes along a couple of weeks later and he stands me up after we made plans the night before. I don't hear from him for a week and I'm pissed because I hadn't had sex in years and didn't expect a guy who'd spent 3 months telling me how much he was into me to do that. Anyway, he reaches out, apologizes, tells me that when he's stressed he retreats into his shell, and there's a court case he's involved in (business) and he was super stressed. He asked for another chance. Here's another thing. Despite him calling me his girlfriend nearly from the beginning, I kept saying (subtly) that if this was just sex, that was ok. I didn't want to rush into anything but after a long dry spell I was happy to be having sex--it was great! We keep seeing each other around once a week, and his communication started to become less in between. But again, he's busy. Emotionally, I put him in the "booty call" category. Suddenly around two months ago, he starts being more romantic and emotional during sex...kind of threw me for a loop actually. Anyway, I'm still enjoying the sex but I guess I'm starting to believe his words about how much he likes me and wants to be with me. About a month ago, I didn't hear from him for a solid week--no responses to my texts or calls--and this upsets me. If he waned to dump me, he should just say so--even via text. I finally hear from him and he said there was a family tragedy, so he 'retreated into his shell'. We get back on track. But suddenly, he's less talkative, calls when he wants to see me for sex, and doesn't always get back to me. I left him a message asking if this was all about the chase and asked why he would call me his girlfriend if he doesn't really feel that way when I didn't push him for that. He got the message and immediately called, was sorry, yada yada. He was busy, stressed. By this time, I've heard it all before. I talked to our mutual friend about him, but they can't shed any real light, just agreed that he does retreat into a shell, and that I should have a frank convo with him. As if I haven't tried! I did hear from the friend that while I was being guarded in the beginning, he was asking her to put in a good word for him. Anyway, he's a bit better for two weeks, and about two weeks ago we get together on the weekend (after him not getting back to me about getting together during the week) and I ask point blank if I'm his girlfriend and he says of course, asks that I be patient, says he's used to being independent, knows he needs to be better at communicating and is trying. He lost a previous girlfriend over his lack of attention, but said he doesn't want to lose me. But here we are, and it's just about a week since I've heard from him. My calls and texts have been ignored. I honestly don't understand this behavior. He did admit to being a player in the past, but said from the beginning that he was tired of that, it's gotten him nowhere. He said he wanted a future with me pretty early on (which I took with a grain of salt at the time). In the past when I left my "What's going on, why haven't I heard from you?" messages, he has gotten back to me quickly. Now it's two days since my last message and no response. I specifically said that if he wants it to be over, just to let me know. Why leave me hanging? So many things are going through my mind. Is he really the type to just retreat with stress and totally shut out his "girlfriend"? Is he living a double life? Did he meet someone else? Considering I have never pressured him, and only 2 weeks ago accepted him calling me his girlfriend, he shouldn't feel terrified about upsetting me. I have not been pressuring him for more. So what's going on? I've dated players, and typically players know how to keep a girl happy, even if he has her on a string. At least some communication and sweet talk can make such a difference. I'm considering at this point just blocking him and moving on, but I admit I'm hurt. I was actually letting my guard down with him. I also didn't expect him to screw over a mutual friend's friend. The other part of me wants to continue the sex if we agree this is just a booty call situation, but perhaps that's just because it's been nice to have sex again. I don't have the energy to try to find someone else, and the sex was hot. I definitely miss it. If there's more going on, I have no clue what it might be--and at this point I don't want to sit around wondering. If he's going through something serious, I wish he'd clue me in. It's possible that he's not really over his ex, though they'd been broken up for seven months when we met. Maybe he's just a liar who feels he had to tell me all this romantic crap to keep me on a string. All I know is I'm going crazy trying to understand why someone would pursue you, call you his girlfriend, and then treat you this way. I'm used to guys wanting to have sex with me because I'm very attractive, and that's why I take what most say with a grain of salt. But this is ridiculous. Any men out there, can you help me understand? I'm so confused. At least writing this has made me feel a little better. I needed to vent. Link to comment
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