Jump to content
'

Recommended Posts

I have been with my boyfriend 1 & a half year now, we are currently living together. He is 29, while in college he moved in with his male friends family for about 5 years. They have been friends for 10 years now. Lately rumors where confirmed about the friend being bisexual. My boyfriend said he knew nothing about that. The bi friend told someone that they use to do sexual things together so my boyfriend confronted him & recorded his convo where he is saying he didn't say that & that would mean he bisexual. After that he stopped communicating with him, he also won't admit to my boyfriend "on tape" that he is bisexual. This have been causing major issues in our relationship because I feel there is a secret, I have no problem with gays/bi. Whenever I ask him about this he feels sad, offended, says I don't respect his morals & I am making his mind sick etc etc, because of this he tried leaving many times then changed his mind. He shave his butt, never had a serious girlfriend. My question is, do you think he could really not know his best friend of 10 years that he lived with and work with was bisexual? Is he bi?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Kinda hard to tell from your post if he is or not. I would take him at his word. If he was, do you believe he would cheat on you with a guy or something? What does it matter... like I get it... but unless he wants to act on it, why does it matter?

 

By the way, I am as straight as a pole, and I have done a full body brazilian wax before... twice actually. I don't shave my butt currently, but have also done so before several times... not related. Sometimes the girl you are with actually prefers that sort of thing. Also, butt hair is annoying sometimes... I am just too lazy to do it now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you believe your boyfriend? You must have hurt him quite badly by pushing this when he's clearly told you that he isn't bi. Unless he's giving you reason to think that he'd rather be with a guy then you, then I think you need to forget about this. If you can't do that then leave him and let him find a woman (or a man for that matter) that is okay with bi-sexualism as long as he's faithful and monogamous by nature.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel really terrible but it has been a gut feeling that keep building up. The rumors are also that they are both bi. I am trying my best to put this behind me. As i said it's about the secret. I am from a country where they don't accept gays but I am very open minded. When we met he introduced the friend as a family member! We have had anal sex, he said it was his first but he prefers vaginal.

Link to post
Share on other sites

, he also won't admit to my boyfriend "on tape" that he is bisexual.

 

Why does your boyfriend need a recording of the guy saying this?? This is a bit odd and suspicious.

 

If your boyfriend isn't gay, then he would laugh off or not let it get to him what is being said, or he would go to the friend and tell him he doesn't like the rumors that he started and that he needs to correct it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Whenever I ask him about this he feels sad, offended, says I don't respect his morals & I am making his mind sick etc etc, because of this he tried leaving many times then changed his mind. He shave his butt, never had a serious girlfriend. My question is, do you think he could really not know his best friend of 10 years that he lived with and work with was bisexual? Is he bi?

 

If he tried leaving you many times, then why are you with him?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the replies. Yes when this happens it triggers his fight or flight response, I don't stop him from leaving, he is usually hurt then after calming he stays. My concern is if I am being lied to or not because I don't believe in secrecy. I know I won't get a definite answer but I just wanted to get some feedback before my final decision.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Rumors, shmoomers. I would respect my BF enough to handle his own business, including dealing with his own historic friends. The last thing I'd do is take on the role of interrogator, as I don't view myself as entitled to that position in the first place, and it would creep me out too much to view myself as capable or even interested in behaving that way toward anyone--much less someone I claim to love.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a woman, I think it's an unfair double standard that when I disclose my bisexuality, it's cheers and high fives.

 

Yet if a man is bisexuall it becomes an issue.

 

I had a very close friend disclose personal details to me, and when I said "Thats great you're so confident in your sexuality", he started crying! He had girlfriends in the past that said they were "fine with guys being gay or bisexual" and when he disclosed information about being with other men - they flipped the script, called him a f**got, and dumped him.

 

So there might be fear of your reaction since you ARE making a big deal out of it - if he felt comfortable to tell you without fear of judgment he would tell you. Or he could be totally hetero and annoyed to all heck that this is STILL an issue.

 

In either case, I would apologize for harassing him about the subject, tell him you'll drop it, and if he ever wants to come to you, you'll be there for him.

 

Thats all you can do at this point. (And if you say you'll drop it - say what you mean, and mean what you say)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...