ImokIthink Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I caused my own heart break.. Can I even be heartbroken if I’m the cause of the pain and emptiness I feel or am I just lonely..? I met an amazing woman we became best friends before pursuing a relationship. I disappointed her many times than I can even admit to. Attempted to break up with her to avoid feeling any guilt about sleeping with another woman (It didn’t happen). It was only a thought but there’s been too many of these thoughts. I pursued her because I convinced myself that I was ready for a monogamous relationship although I was coming from years of no title with multiple girls. In my mind she was the one the way we met was confirmation at least that’s what we both believed all along. Our relationship was the best thing that’s ever happened to both of us, we were happy, we went on trips, she would take me on what she referred to as “girlfriend dates” sponsored by her and they were amazing. We would compete to top each other date ideas and things between us, communication, Love, friendship seems great. I was really happy for the first time in my life and everything seemed to go so smooth we would barely argue and when we did, she would communicate with me and I’d do the same until we reached a mutual agreement and said our apologies. She was a better communicator than I was because before my idea of communication was going ghost until I felt it was necessary to reach out (horrible). As the relationship progressed I learned to communicate better and addressed situations as they occurred rather than ignore them. So much more to the story than I can write about. But for the last three months our relationship has failed because I’ve let her down and broken her trust and her heart too many times and now she’s entertaining guys. I recently stopped communicating with her after finding out she’s doing so (entertaining guys) but denying it yet having me under the impression that as long as I work on myself we can resume things. I started therapy, mind you I have damn near two therapists that I’m paying out of pocket to help me figure out the root cause of my behavior. We haven’t talked going on two weeks and it’s difficult because she’s all that I think of everyday, but my pride won’t let me reach out to her and not solely that but also the fact that she’s denying talking to guys. So that’s the current stage we’re at but I don’t want to chase anyone because you give people a reason to run when you chase them. But at the same time I fear losing her because for the past three years she’s all that I’ve known. We’ve discussed marriage, family, and I still would like to achieve all those things with my Ambitious Girl! Prior to completely stopping all communication with her I wasn’t answering her calls and she came over while I was asleep to discuss why I was upset at her but I refused to because I had already been lied to once about her entertaining people and honestly if that’s what she wants to pursue I’m cool with falling back but I wasn’t going to explain things to her just to have her lie in my face about it, if they’re that important that you’re lying to me, someone you not too long ago regarded as your best friend then I would rather not be bother at all. I haven’t talked to anyone else and I don’t plan on doing so because I haven’t even forgiven myself for the hurt and pain I’ve caused her when all she wanted to do was love me and asked of me nothing but respect, loyalty and honesty and I couldn’t even afford her those simple things. Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment
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