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My Boyfriend said "I Can't Say Anything Good" - Does he mean he wants to break up with me?


MrsCumberbatch

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My boyfriend and I have had a year long on and off relationship which was quite traumatic at times. He has a history of commitment issues, struggles with doubt and gives up very easily. The past 2 months were the best times we have ever had - he opened up completely, was very loving, even took me on a trip to his hometown to meet his parents. Everything was going better than ever before. But we had fights. One or two, but he took the second one very personal. It was a comment about someone else which he thought was condescending, but it ended up in a big fight and said it felt like someone pulled the ground away from underneath his feet. He normally would have pulled away immediately but he said he wanted to try and move on from it. We kept seeing each other but he was obviously struggling and distanced himself. After a week, he cancelled a date on the phone and when I pushed for answers he told me he couldn't cope right now and he was having doubts on whether we could make it work, even though he admitted it was feeling very special before. Long story short, we haven't seen each other since. He messaged me two days later and said he was very sorry for what had happened and that he really wanted to break the cycle (of running away every time) and that he was trying. That was a week and a half ago. I gave him some space but whenever I contacted him he was very brief and distant.

 

So I asked him last night how he wanted to go about it. He replied that he honestly didn't know what was best, but that I might want my raincoat back.

 

I reacted with frustration and asked him whether this meant he wanted to break up with me. I realized a minute later that this was a stupid idea - he probably really honestly didn't know - and tried to make good with some nice bla bla that i missed him etc. When he didn't react to that I became upset and complained that his reaction was very harsh and he wasn't fair.

 

His reply (he's a musician).... - I was on my way to a gig. Gigging now. I can't say anything good"

 

I really can't figure out what he meant.

- I can't say anything good as in, I want to break up with you?

- I cant't say anything good as in, whatever I say you dislike anyway?

- I can't say anything good as in, I have no time to write down any structured thoughts right now?

 

Any advice would be helpful, I really don't get down to it. I am not a native speaker. He is.

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My boyfriend and I have had a year long on and off relationship which was quite traumatic at times.
That alone should be enough for you to contact him and tell him that it's obvious that nature is trying to tell the two of you that you're not meant to be so you are breaking up with him.

 

Will that be easy to do? No. But it is the right thing for you to do so you can get over him and be open enough in heart and mind to find yourself someone that you won't have to be on and off and it won't be "quite traumatic" at all. You two are not compatible enough nor do you gel enough to make a healthy, happy, long term goal of it.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. You will start to feel better with time, what you do with that time and with zero contact once you break things off with him.

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I know that's meant to be a good advice but I might have expressed this in the wrong way. We broke up twice before but he never mistreated me, cheated at me or even lied at me. We all have our own walkaway points. Our relationship has dramatically changed for good over the past few months so I would not give up on him now.

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If he said "i am on my way to a gig and can't say anything good" - i think it means that he is busy and can't really say something that is thought out, meaningful or in the detail it requires for what he has to say.

 

I think you should focus less on that and more on the fact that he gives up easily, you always fight, its on again off again, etc - you know, the big picture?

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I know that's meant to be a good advice but I might have expressed this in the wrong way. We broke up twice before but he never mistreated me, cheated at me or even lied at me. We all have our own walkaway points. Our relationship has dramatically changed for good over the past few months so I would not give up on him now.

 

That's up to you, of course however; Food for thought ~ In one short year you've had two breakups, that is a good indicator that you're with the wrong guy.

 

He's not changed much by the sounds of things even if the last two months have seemed better.

 

I do wish you luck.

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I can only speak for myself: I won't do an "on and off' relationship. I believe that most people are just not our match, and I don't believe in latching onto a wrong match to try to manipulate him into being a 'better' match for me. If we're not cut out for one another, then we're just not a good fit. It doesn't mean that I can't love him, it just means that some people are best loved from far away.

 

I'd rather hold out for good simpatico with the right person than torture myself trying to make the wrong person 'fit'.

 

So instead of trying to read tea leaves about an insult, I'd back off and allow the guy to show me in his own time and in his own way whether he's calling it quits. Meanwhile, I'd decide whether 'this' is really good enough for me, or whether I'd rather free myself to someday find my 'right' match--the needle in the haystack who 'gets me,' the guy who owns the vision to see me through the right lense and can appreciate my unique value.

 

Head high, and read my sig.

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