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Friends/neighbors ended up in relationship but broke up


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Hi.

I will try to explain short and to the point. I had been friends with my neighbor around the corner (two blocks down) for almost a year. He would randomly text me to stop by for a drink or "what are you up to ". I did attend a few parties but only to have a few drinks and go back home or on to whatever I was doing. Note: he is 30, I am 46. He is single, no kids. 1 dog. I have 4 kids/divorced.

My mom was ill and passim in January. We were close, she was with my dad for 46 years. Come February, I stopped at the neighbors after i went out for a friends birthday .. 4 of us danced and laughed and just acted silly. He asked me to stay the night. I did BUT nothing happened. We kissed that's it. I found out later when I would come around the year before, his friends/neighbors would say "you two are going to hook up, aren't you?" Etc.

anyhow, we got really close. Best friends, I practically lived together when the kids were gone (50 % joint but x lives a mile down so back and forth easily). Kids knew him from before so we would BBQ or whatever. They like him. Neither of us has had a relationship for 7 years. He is a high functioning alcoholic with some anger issues. I started taking two phentermine pills a day and drank with him. I would rage on a bad day. He would be jealous. Fight, etc. Days we didn't drink were great, even days we did we're great. With the exception of some of the crazy rages

Then the fact that he doesn't want kids right now if ever, he's 30, I'm 46. We are in different phases of our lives. His parents don't want him with a 46 yr old with 4 kids. His immediate neighbors think I'm nuts (I was on phentermine and alcohol. I quit taking them. I've since been seeing a therapist for month, I had abandonment I issues from mom dying, self medicating, etc). On the pills I was paranoid and he had given me his phone passcode so I went in and blocked people he had slept with and still in contact and I did, I crossed the line). Since I have been getting g help. A month ago we had a blow out he punched holes in the wall. We have been on/off now finally he noticed more people unblocked even though I told him (I think he doesn't remember some conversations when drunk). I can't take it back. I told him this.

He cares for me. I care for him. We didn't mean to fall in love. We triggered each other. Now, he is trying to cut back drinking (which we did together toward the end you). He smokes and chews. Three days ago he said we need no contact for both of us. No one wants us together anymore of his family or neighbors (even though they don't know us in our normal state, just loving, hiking, cleaning, spending time together, hanging out, conversations on how to better ourselves).

 

Anyhow, I know he cares about me. I care about him. His jealousy (he text me last week asking where my truck was.. my son had it at my Xs at 10pm, he thought I was there?!!) issues and anger are trying to be tamed. He told me (confessed to it) what he thought.

 

The issue is I crossed the line, I raged on phentermine and liedvthe first time that I stopped. I didn't. He knows, he helped through the second time but he has no support about us. I should mention his neighbors have NO PROBLEM drinking in his garage all night even when he Durant invite them, they complain of home life and wives, drink and then go home. They don't help him not drink. He and I shared everything with each other that we never shared with others. I know of his issues that stem from childhood. He knows of mine.

 

So the no contact has been almost 3 days. He initiated it. I'm dying inside but I have been healing /repairing myself for the last month. He says we have no future even though he used to talk of future.

 

How do I do this when we were best friends. He's told me it's not easy on him either (when we tried NC the last few times). Like I said, I know he cares about me, it's driving forces that make it not meant to be.

Not only did I lose my social life outside of my children, I lost my lover and best friend. Was it convenient? Yes. But it was so much more. I have never felt so alone and sad. I'm sober, no pills, getting therapy. Please offer advice with no judgment. I wish him well but miss him so much.

Thank you

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