Input Please!

[JustMizz]

So, my guy just left from our 3rd date since Thursday.

 

Things are going really good! I wasn't sure about him at first, but he's seriously growing on me.

 

We are really comfortable together and it kind of feels like we've been dating for a while. We can talk for hours about anything and everything. He makes me laugh and he's really kind and sweet to me. (Not in an overbearing pouring on the sweet stuff way). He's genuine.

 

My ac unit went out on Sunday and he's a licensed ac repairman so that's why we've seeing each other so much. He offered to fix it for me. He was supposed to replace the part today but had to order it. He lives an hour away but still came today because he said he promised me dinner and he wasn't going to let me down. So, he'll be coming back tomorrow when the part comes in.

 

He's very respectful of my boundaries. We've kissed some and he hasn't gotten all grabby, which is huge.

 

I really feel like he and I have something here. And he told me tonight he deleted his POF account. He has brought up exclusivity and says he would like for me to be his "CRP", which stands for committed relationship partner. It's a joke between us because he says at our age girlfriend just sounds weird, Lol.

 

He has asked me to let him know when I am ready to go on a weekend trip. He wants to take me to Savannah for a ghost tour. I'm thinking I'd like to go in a couple of weeks. I feel by that time we'll have had a few more dates and will know each other a lot better. I know what a weekend trip will mean, but he isn't pushing me to go, he just likes to talk about places he'd like to take me. And I'd really like to spend some time with him away.

 

Soooo, what do y'all think? I've come to respect your opinions and advice, and some of y'all know my history here. Do y'all think it would be too soon to take that step? I want to, Lol, but I need to hear some advice.

[mustlovedogs]

Maybe I'm cynical or stupid.

 

I tend to be an advocate of spending a long weekend together sooner rather than later because that's the quickest way to find someone's flaws.

 

Just make sure people know where you are!

[Starlight925]

You haven't yet spent the night together, so I actually think a trip is premature.

 

Work up to it. There's no rush. He seems to respect your boundaries, so move slowly, and plan a trip once you are in that place physically.

[figureitout23]

Honestly if it were me and I had the same history as you I wouldn't put myself in this situation, try as you might the odds of you 'giving in' just seem to be high. I know I couldn't unlearn a bad habit overnight.

 

I also don't want to be a cynic but...he wants to be exclusive and go away for the weekend after 3 dates?

 

Doesn't that seem awfully similar to the other guys fast/intense/disappear act?

 

I'm not saying this guy is bad news I promise you I'm not, I just think it'll be a good idea to give him some more time to prove his intentions to you.

[Pleasedonot5]

I say go for it! He seems like a stellar guy so far. And you guys are quirky when together... It's cute lol. I think this is an appropriate pace, but remember, a weekend away might mean more intimacy, but you only need do what you are comfortable with. Have fun!

[JustMizz]

Honestly if it were me and I had the same history as you I wouldn't put myself in this situation, try as you might the odds of you 'giving in' just seem to be high. I know I couldn't unlearn a bad habit overnight.

 

I also don't want to be a cynic but...he wants to be exclusive and go away for the weekend after 3 dates?

 

Doesn't that seem awfully similar to the other guys fast/intense/disappear act?

 

I'm not saying this guy is bad news I promise you I'm not, I just think it'll be a good idea to give him some more time to prove his intentions to you.

 

I wasn't intending on trying to not give in....Lol.

 

I know it's still early, so that's why I'm here asking. He hasn't asked me to go away for a weekend, he just said it's something he'd like to do when I'm ready. We always talk about stuff we would like to do together. There's no pressure from him to do this.

 

It does see fast, but it's not like with the other guys. But I'm still skeptical because of the other guys.

 

I just needed to talk it out. Like I said, he seems genuine. He seems invested into making this a real thing. I checked and he did delete his POF. I really feel he's the real deal.

 

I have plenty of time to decide about the weekend. It's just something I'm thinking about.

[figureitout23]

I wasn't intending on trying to not give in....Lol.

 

 

 

I'm not trying to be an a** but...

 

 

Well, I don't really want to wait forever, but me trying to make something happen isn't working.

 

I'm very sad today. It's hard to understand how I can go from being the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up to not even a second thought.

 

I know we barely knew each other, but he seemed really into me and then it just fizzled out. I know that's how it goes sometimes, just seems to be the way it always goes with me.

 

I'm trying to get used to not having him to talk to every day. I know I can do it, we went most of last week not talking. I know that's why I'm upset. I know if I don't reach out again he'll fade away.

 

In the past, I always had sex quickly and it led to LTRs.

 

I suppose that's where its getting to me. I know I need to change things up now.

 

And there was chemistry with him, don't get me wrong. I just didn't want to have sex so quickly because I knew what would happen.

 

It started in his truck. We went to the hotel after I gave in.

 

I don't even want to think about sex again. I know that's silly because it will come up, but I'm so tired of going through this.

 

I'm definitely going to avoid such situations again.

 

Yes. I need to work on my boundaries. I'm not one who really liked casual sex or groping.

 

I'm really trying to build my confidence and self worth. I'm sure those are the root of my issues.

 

I had actually deleted the dating apps and was focusing on me. I had previously talked to him and hadn't heard from him for weeks and then he started texting me again. I agree, I need to stop doing this mess.

 

Yes, we had sex. The first thing he asked me when he contacted me if I would be willing to relocate if things went well between us. I told him it wouldn't be an issue because there is nothing keeping me here. He never mentioned the distance again, until now.

 

 

 

Because I like sex? lol. Honestly, I kind of just got caught up in things this time. I had no plans of having sex this weekend, but it happened. I'm not really upset about that, I'm just upset that now he's suddenly wanting to just be friends. It's not really about the sex, it's about the entire situation.

 

 

 

I would have looked at the other posts but the last one had more than enough evidence. Slow down please! I'm not saying he isn't a good guy, I'm saying stop rushing. When it's right it's right and there's no need to go from 0-100.

[JustMizz]

I would have looked at the other posts but the last one had more than enough evidence. Slow down please! I'm not saying he isn't a good guy, I'm saying stop rushing. When it's right it's right and there's no need to go from 0-100.

 

This is slower for me, Lol.

 

I'm not trying to rush, at all. That's why I said in a couple of weeks. I can wait, though.

 

I guess I wasn't sure because you read about the 3 date rule and stuff. I figured by that time we'll have at least 5 or 6 dates in.

[nutbrownhare]

I guess I wasn't sure because you read about the 3 date rule and stuff. I figured by that time we'll have at least 5 or 6 dates in.

 

Am I the only one who finds these so-called 'rules' a complete waste of time and emotional energy?

 

Get to know the guy before you do anything which will bind you to him emotionally, and will cause you grief if it does fizzle out!

 

Waiting for six weeks to three months before having sex is no bad thing. It will weed out all the players who are only after getting laid, for a start, and in that time frame you'll have more idea whether you've actually GOT a relationship. I know I've dated people who seemed absolutely wonderful to begin with, but after a few weeks it was obvious it wasn't going anywhere. It's much easier to let go, shake hands and move on if it's not a sexual relationship.

 

If your guy's genuine - and let's hope he is! - he'll still be there in a couple of months time. There's no need to rush.

[JustMizz]

No, I don't much care for the rules, either, but I try to take what I read and the advice given to help me make better decisions.

 

Maybe I am trying to rush it to see if he's genuine or not. My ole self sabotaging creeping in.

[Starlight925]

Maybe I am trying to rush it to see if he's genuine or not. My ole self sabotaging creeping in.

 

Rushing it will do just the opposite of seeing if he's genuine. If you want to see if he's genuine, just move at a pace that's more comfortable for you.

 

This isn't about playing games, and slowing things down to....5 dates, or 7 dates, or 3 full moons. It's about moving at a pace that works for you, so that you can get to know each other on more than just a superficial level.

 

Rushing it and going on a trip just 'cause he wants to will do the exact opposite of all that.

 

And I agree with mustlovedogs, in that going on a trip together really does show you a lot about a person! But that, I believe, can wait until you are fully in a relationship.

 

For me, there is nothing more fun or exciting than that first trip together! But at the right time....

[nutbrownhare]

Maybe I am trying to rush it to see if he's genuine or not.

 

Rushing it will certainly not tell you if he's genuine or not. Taking your time might well do so.

[JustMizz]

I really think he's genuine.

 

And this is all me, he hasn't mentioned a trip since the first time. I want to go. But, I can wait a bit.

[boltnrun]

If you're only been dating since Thursday, waiting two more weeks to have sex would only be three weeks dating!

 

You just seem to be in such a hurry to have someone to call "CRP". Why?

[Batya33]

My husband and I went on our first weekend trip after about a month of dating and waited about 5 months to have sex (at that time we were both in our 20s and I think I'd had 2 partners by then so with that short list and the reasons for it I wasn't interested in early sex -and neither was he). Just be clear about your boundaries.

[Jibralta]

Can you spend the weekend together without having sex with him? That's what I would do.

[JustMizz]

If you're only been dating since Thursday, waiting two more weeks to have sex would only be three weeks dating!

 

You just seem to be in such a hurry to have someone to call "CRP". Why?

 

I'm not really in a rush for anything. And how I've been going, I would have already had sex with him by now. I thought I was doing good. Lol

 

Can you spend the weekend together without having sex with him? That's what I would do.

 

Yes, I can.