said “no” to being friends

[lmao]

Howdy,

 

So here’s the deal: i met an amazing girl a few months ago & we really started hitting it off. We went on many dates & ended up hanging out at least a few times a week with me ending up in her bed A LOT. it was going so well. then, i started messing up by getting too into her too fast, letting a few mistakes made by her almost completely slide, buying her hella gifts (once i bought her a hoodie she wanted but didn’t have enough money for in front of her & her reaction was anything but stellar) and brunched her like a motherfuxxxer.

 

that’s when she wanted to “take it slow” which turned into “i need physical & emotional space” after which we still hung out a few times with me even seeing her at a party then ending up in her bed YET AGAIN (lol)

 

during our last interaction, i tried to get drinks with her but she said she was “with someone” who was just a friend (i asked if she was seeing him) then unloaded that the flowers i sent her (bad move, i know) were confusing & she thought we had agreed to being just friends. i countered with that i never explicitly agreed to being friends & then “i’m not gonna make this into a weird thing. i’m not interested in being platonic friends with you. sorry”

 

did i ruin my chances of reconciliation? i know i need to disappear for a bit & work on myself & refocus my energy but i didn’t mean to close & lock that door permenantly

 

help!!!!!!

[lmao]

sorry didn’t mean to make a double, i have no idea how to delete threads

[Hollyj]

"hella gifts (once i bought her a hoodie she wanted but didn’t have enough money for in front of her & her reaction was anything but stellar) and brunched her like a motherfuxxxer."

What the hell does this mean? Instead of slang, use common English.

 

Honestly, I would wonder what you want with this girl, other than sex? She does''t seem to value you much.

[lmao]

thanks for your response!! as for

My slang, i just bought her a bunch of gifts & took her out to eat a lot. maybe too much because i think it contributed to her losing feelings for me.

 

when things were going well, they were really going well & she definitely appreciated & she was attracted to me way more. which is why i’d like to get back to that

[Hollyj]

I don't agree. If she were really into you, she would have appreciated your efforts. I would pull back on the gift giving though, that should come further on down the road.

 

Did she reciprocate with meals? She should have. It should not only be you.

 

I would move on from this girl. I think that she is done. Don't try the friend card either, you will only get hurt. Go NC.

[Ziggy123]

You said the right thing at the end.... I'm not interested on being platonic friends with you. And then you go no contact and move on. If she felt the same as you she would let you know but no sense in being friendzoned by her and being in contstant pain and having to see her with other guys.

[lmao]

Did she reciprocate with meals? She should have. It should not only be you.

 

she did once or twice.

 

i just got a little too lovey too fast & i feel like that’s where it went wrong. i stopped being a real man & kind of let her walk all over me a bit

 

trying to get back to where i was before & maybe we could try again

[Hollyj]

Don't waste your time.

 

Being a real man is about being kind, honest and respectful. It has nothing to do with trying to impress and buying someone's affections.

 

You do need to slow your roll. And, stop with all of the gift giving.

[abitbroken]

You didn't properly read cues. She was not happy with the gifts. She didn't want that kind of attention. And you thought sex+gifts=buying her love. It was just sex to her. Or it could have been more, but you went overboard too quickly. Also, many abusive men start out by going overboard so she may be on alert. If you don't want to be friends --- she knows how you feel and she knows how to find you if she decides she wants a relationship. walk away. And next time you meet someone - no sex right away, no inappropriate gifts. Don't go overboard with spending on brunches either

[lmao]

i do agree i read her cues wrong. i feel like i know all the things i did incorrectly & it would rule to get a second chance. but i guess for now just letting it all go is the best route. The damage has been done, i need to not be such an idiot. ugh

[MissCanuck]

OP, if a woman is into you, believe me when I say she would have appreciated your gifts and efforts. It has nothing to do with "not being a man" and everything to do with not dialing it down after she told you she wanted space.

 

I think she saw you as a fling more than anything. She liked you well enough, but my impression is that her attention is with someone else now.

[lostandhurt]

Live and learn.

 

Go total NC on her and get on with your life. You cannot change her feelings, only she can do that so back off and start dating others and who knows you may bump into her one day and go have coffee and catch up.

 

Just make sure you learn from your mistakes and never put a woman on a pedestal. They are people just like men and want to be treated like a person, not an object or possession.

 

 

I am sorry but this one is gone.

 

Lost

[Rustysuit]

thanks for your response!! as for

My slang, i just bought her a bunch of gifts & took her out to eat a lot. maybe too much because i think it contributed to her losing feelings for me.

 

when things were going well, they were really going well & she definitely appreciated & she was attracted to me way more. which is why i’d like to get back to that

 

She probably felt guilty because she doesn't feel the same way you do and she isn't blind to your efforts. I think it just got too real for her and she's not comfortable with a relationship for whatever reason.