I just need to know...PLEASE HELP

[wishing stone]

Not sure if this sounds stupid, but I have been in a relationship with someone I've never met in person. We met much earlier this year through an online group, started talking, and found that we really liked each other. We've been in a relationship for several months now. Both of us are in our early 30's.

 

Most nights we talk to each other on the phone or webcam. Last night was the first time in two weeks that we did because we had a bit of a fight and weren't talking much. He told me that he really cares about me and that I should know that he loves me. He said a lot of other really sweet and meaningful things. I felt a lot happier after this conversation, that things were getting better.

 

We only chatted for about an hour before he said he was tired and said he was going to bed. This was around 1 AM. I'd sent a bunch of messages that he never replied, but it was okay. He had probably fallen asleep.

 

Around 2:30 I get an email notification saying that I had missed messages from him on another site that we sometimes use to chat with each other. We had been using that site earlier in the evening. I went back to that site and entered his chatroom. I was surprised to see someone else there.

 

He didn't notice that I was in the room as I was getting my mic and cam set up. He was talking to another woman, commenting on her shirt, laughing and flirting with her. She points out that there's someone else in the room. By this point my mic is finally working so I say hi.

 

My boyfriend leaves. Just disconnects. Doesn't say anything.

 

I stayed in the room for a few minutes talking to this woman. She asked if I was one of his friends. My heart sank. I told her I was his girlfriend. She apologized over and over and said that she didn't know that he had a girlfriend. I asked her how they met, she said Tinder. They met almost a month ago.

 

She said she would stop talking to him, that she wouldn't come between both of us and that she was glad to find out about this now. She really seemed genuinely sorry. She also says that they never met up.

 

I am so heartbroken over this. I don't even know what to do. I have been calling him all day and all of last night and he hasn't picked up. At this point I am tempted to message his sister on facebook because I just need to know if this has been going on for a while. He says he's mentioned me to his sister, but now I don't even know what's true and what isn't anymore. I feel sick and so hurt.

 

Would it be appropriate for me to message his sister? I just need to know so that I know what to do after this. I need to have some sort of closure even if me and him never talk again.

[pippy longstocking]

I don't think you need to message his sister , you now know all you need to know about him , and if she is not into the internet in the same level as you , you are going to do yourself a real mis service on how this will all sound , you have never met , you haven't mentioned that you intend to ever meet and in reality she may not know a thing about you or as said , if she is not this heavily into the internet you may sound a little crazy .

 

This is your big big red flag to tell you that no matter what a person says over the airwaves , they are living a completely different life when you switch your computer off .

[seanryder]

Don't email his sister....that comes across as just crazy. He is a grown man, and you're a grown woman....talking to his sister is something you might do in high school, not in the adult world.

 

Not to sound harsh but your 'relationship' is just the modern day version of a pen-pal. From your post it doesn't seem like you guys have actually met.

 

Real relationships are built in person, where people actually meet each other.

 

You've found out what he is about....he's still using Tinder and talking to other ladies......not something someone does when they 'love' someone as this guy has said to you. You have found out that he is not invested......you confronting this will probably not resolve it, just drive it underground.

 

I would say, cut your losses and in future try and connect in the real world. Good luck.

[JA0371]

Im sorry this happened . He sounds like a liar... Based on the fact that he refuses to talk to you.

Anyone who genuinely 'loves' you would want to make things right immediately or as soon as they were able.

This guy sounds like a snake.

 

Im so sorry.

Jmo

[MissCanuck]

This is why it is always unwise to be in a virtual relationship. You don't really know who you are dealing with and committing yourself to, and you have no idea what they get up to in their daily life. Be glad you discovered what this guy is really about, and that he's not your boyfriend in any sense of the word.

 

No, don't email his sister. That's not appropriate, particularly since you've never even met him. It will make you come across in a very negative light.

 

Forget this guy. Date locally so you can have a healthy, real relationship. Online relationships are just no match for real life.

[CONFUSED214]

That kind of nonsense gives the virtual world a bad reputation. But you are lucky that you "outed" him. Your guardian angel was looking after you.

[Gabriella33]

Not sure if this sounds stupid, but I have been in a relationship with someone I've never met in person. We met much earlier this year through an online group, started talking, and found that we really liked each other. We've been in a relationship for several months now. Both of us are in our early 30's.

 

Most nights we talk to each other on the phone or webcam. Last night was the first time in two weeks that we did because we had a bit of a fight and weren't talking much. He told me that he really cares about me and that I should know that he loves me. He said a lot of other really sweet and meaningful things. I felt a lot happier after this conversation, that things were getting better.

 

We only chatted for about an hour before he said he was tired and said he was going to bed. This was around 1 AM. I'd sent a bunch of messages that he never replied, but it was okay. He had probably fallen asleep.

 

Around 2:30 I get an email notification saying that I had missed messages from him on another site that we sometimes use to chat with each other. We had been using that site earlier in the evening. I went back to that site and entered his chatroom. I was surprised to see someone else there.

 

He didn't notice that I was in the room as I was getting my mic and cam set up. He was talking to another woman, commenting on her shirt, laughing and flirting with her. She points out that there's someone else in the room. By this point my mic is finally working so I say hi.

 

My boyfriend leaves. Just disconnects. Doesn't say anything.

 

I stayed in the room for a few minutes talking to this woman. She asked if I was one of his friends. My heart sank. I told her I was his girlfriend. She apologized over and over and said that she didn't know that he had a girlfriend. I asked her how they met, she said Tinder. They met almost a month ago.

 

She said she would stop talking to him, that she wouldn't come between both of us and that she was glad to find out about this now. She really seemed genuinely sorry. She also says that they never met up.

 

I am so heartbroken over this. I don't even know what to do. I have been calling him all day and all of last night and he hasn't picked up. At this point I am tempted to message his sister on facebook because I just need to know if this has been going on for a while. He says he's mentioned me to his sister, but now I don't even know what's true and what isn't anymore. I feel sick and so hurt.

 

Would it be appropriate for me to message his sister? I just need to know so that I know what to do after this. I need to have some sort of closure even if me and him never talk again.

 

 

Dump this cheating a-hole and never look back!

[PICCOLLO]

He sounds like a player.

 

Virtual relationships aren’t ideal. Perhaps meet him next time?