tfisher9180 Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 So, kind of a weird situation. I was with a girl for 4 years, and about 6 months ago we broke up. She had a friend that she fell out of communication with a while back, that I am dating now. Kind of a douche move? Maybe, but I really like this girl. I think she's amazing, and we truly have a good connection. Me being with her has nothing to do with getting back at my ex-girlfriend, I just truly enjoy being with her. My worry comes in with this, which happened about a year ago: My girlfriend's friend expressed interest in my cousin. Essentially she wanted my ex-girlfriend and I to set her up with my cousin. At the time, that was fine and all since I was in a committed relationship and did not have any interest in her friend of course. We went on this double date, and my cousin wasn't really interested in her, but she was interested in him, nothing happened. Cool. So fast forward a year or so, my ex-girlfriend and I break up. My ex-girlfriend's friend (who is no longer really her friend at this point) helps me through the break-up, and we're really good friends for about 3 months. We decide to date. I've completely forgotten about that entire situation and about her being interested in my cousin. It came up recently because it turns out my cousin goes to the same hair salon that my now girlfriend works at, so they talk for a bit every week. I just remembered all of this, and I'm just not sure how I feel about it. Honestly, I feel like my cousin and her are a much better fit for each other than us. I also can't shake the thought that the entire time that she's with me, that she'll just be wishing that she was with him. Obviously we all plan on hanging out in the future, and I feel like I would just be really insecure and jealous and that something would happen between them and that they would fall in love or something. Honestly, my cousin wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me, but I secretly feel like she still wants to be with him. I also can't shake the thought that she's just with me because I'm the one who reciprocated her attention. If my cousin would have reciprocated the attention, no doubt she would be with him right now. I feel like this is just a bad situation to be in and that I should leave. But she swears she loves me and only me, and I don't really know how to talk to her about this. I really try hard not to hold anyone's past against them, but this one is just really putting me in an awkward spot. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 That took a lot of times reading to understand.... so what I understand your current girlfriend used to have a thing for your cousin and then nothing happened because he wasn't interested? Doesn't seem like a big deal or a reason to break up to me.... she said she loves you and only you. Link to comment
firelily Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 That's only your insecurity speaking. How can you know what is perfect for somebody? How can you know better than your girlfriend what she wants? Why would you think they are better fit, when she prefers you instead? It sounds like she's over him, and she's into you know. That happens a lot - we switch our interests and later and can't believe we ever liked that first person. Of course something may happen between them, but something may happen between her and any guy that she works with or hangs out a lot. It only depends on her choice and on the strength of your relationship. So if she chooses you and says that she feels strong about you and you don't believe her, that's unjustified jealousy that can eventually hurt your relationship. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 Your cousin had no interest in her the first time. None. And would your girlfriend really be all that thrilled in "hey honey, I am passing you over to my cousin?" She is not your property. i agree that you are either insecure or because she "helped you through the breakup" when you were not yet over your previous ex that maybe you are thinking the relationship happened before you had time to heal. either way --- either stay with your girlfriend - or break up with her -- but don't try to pass her off Link to comment
tfisher9180 Posted September 30, 2017 Author Share Posted September 30, 2017 Well, just writing that out helped me a lot. That was the first time I had ever gotten all of that out and worked through my thoughts about it. I can assure that I'm not trying to pass her off, more just a defense mechanism for me to break up with her and save myself from potential heartache. I also agree 100% that this my insecurity and my problem, but, you all have helped me just by saying that this would be a crazy reason to break up with her. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 How do you know that she didn't regard you as better than him even at that time, but you were taken? I can only speak for myself, but that's the belief I'd decide to adopt, because nothing good can come from the road you're driving. Head high. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Honestly, I feel like my cousin and her are a much better fit for each other than us. She loves you, and only you. Even when she was free and available, your cousin wasn't interested. This doesn't sound like a "good fit" to me! Relax, and stop worrying! Link to comment
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