Jump to content

Ex says she's miserable without me but wants to turn back time?


Recommended Posts

So I have a massive long post in the breakup forum that explains my situation in detail. Brief version - we were together for 3 years, we had a big argument and broke up August 27th, I did all the wrong things for 2 weeks, then we had around 10 days no contact which she broke. We have had 2 long phone conversations today and yesterday.

 

So here is my question....

 

I have had a long open honest conversation with my ex about how I'm feeling, explaining that I still know she is the person I want to share my life with and I still love and care about her very much. She has said that she misses me, and she doesn't want to talk about anything I've been doing (little does she know that I can barely leave the house at the moment!) Because it will make her too sad to think about me going about my life without her. She said that she's not really doing too well because she knows she wants to spend her life with me too.....

 

But here's the problem. She is getting very upset saying all she wants is to have that relationship with me but she just wishes we could erase the last month of hurt feelings and me pestering/begging and the initial breakup. She keeps getting upset saying she doesn't know what to do, I think fundamentally she (and I both!) Is scared that if we get back together we will be at risk of all those hurt feelings some time in the future if we were ever to break up again. I have no intention of ever losing her/pushing her away again if I ever was lucky enough to have the chance to get her back, but how do I help her through her feelings of anxiety/hopelessness towards the situation? She has said that the last month and the breakup has made her feel like maybe I was never happy in the first place, and if I loved her that much then we wouldn't have broken up. I have told her that this is completely not the case and I am very much in love with her and she is incredibly important to me, but she said she is struggling to believe that at the moment because she feels as though I pushed her away during the last year of our relationship.

 

Just to clarify, I am working on and receiving help for my issues regarding pushing her away and why we argued etc. I am not asking for advice on that side of the situation. I am purely asking for advice on how to help her move past her feeling that "we can't try again because there's too much water under the bridge.... if only we could turn back the last month so we could be happily planning our life together"?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ask her out on a date.

 

No mentioning of the past relationship or the breakup. Just you and her having a good time. It's time to remember her what she had. Do this a couple of times and then talk about really getting back together. If she can't let go of the past, then there's little hope. People will do and say dumb things...some things that they regret. Being in a relationship means forgiving those things and accept that they happened. What happens next depends on you and her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She has made it very clear that she does still want to be with me I think it's just like you said - I need to remind her how happy we make each other and how much fun we have. It's funny, we got off the phone around 8.30 because she needs to be up very early for work. Just after posting this she sent me a text saying "Everything will be ok x" I don't know if this is a hint that we will work things out or a simple reassurance that whatever happens "things will be alright". Either way it's nice to know that she is thinking about me even when she s supposed to be sleeping ready for work

 

So I asked her yesterday if I could see her and she said something like "of course I'm not saying that we are never going to see each other again, but at the moment I don't think I can, it would just make me too sad" so how do I go about inviting her on a date without being pushy but at the same time making it clear that this date will not be about going over things/feeling sad?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It means she misses the old relationship and way she used to see you. Now it has changed and sometimes it can't ever go back to how it was if too much has happened.

 

If she was really motivated to be with you she would be working on it with you. You are working on improving yourself which is great but what is she doing to improve?

Link to post
Share on other sites

After another long phone call tonight where we laughed and joked the same as we did when we first met she sent me this text "Just because we've spoken tonight, doesn't mean everything's ok and stuff. I don't want you to be getting hopes up or whatever. Like I hope we can have a friendship, but for now I need to do my thing and you do yours x"

 

Any interpretations of this message?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It means she only wants to be friends and not be together again, sorry. If that's not what you want then you need to distance yourself so you can move on. Otherwise you will be hanging around as her "friend" hoping for more when it may not ever happen. Up to you though.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It means she only wants to be friends and not be together again, sorry. If that's not what you want then you need to distance yourself so you can move on. Otherwise you will be hanging around as her "friend" hoping for more when it may not ever happen. Up to you though.

 

Thankyou for your replies. Although she is very much someone who is never friends with ex's. She is either in a relationship or that's it, ex is out her life for good. So in my mind I'm kind of reading it that right now her head is still all over the place so she doesn't want me to assume that we will be back together tomorrow or something, but at the same time she's not finished with the relationship. I don't know though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...