Am I not good enough

[Sostressedout]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. Threw out the years we have had our issues with infidelity and trust. Three years ago we broke up after 1 yr almost we got back together. He had another relationship and I was dating, when I wasn't honest about the relationships I had while we were apart he became very jealous and confrontational with me for 2 yrs straight because I felt as though it wasn't his business let alone he didn't tell me anything about his relationship until the girl called me because he was seeing both of us then. Anyway we got pass that however since then he has been extremely selfish when it comes to being intimate he only wants me to perform on him however I have to wait days sometimes weeks for him to even touch me sexually. As of the past month he has been going out saying he is doing things for his family and not coming home until the early mornings 4am ,5am. And he doesn't wanna be intimate on the days he is home. I work everyday he has been out of work for the past 3 yrs he helps me with my 2 kids but that's all. Am I being used is he cheating on me. When I asked his mother if she had him doing all of these things she said she didn't know where he was going but it wasn't for her. I'm afraid to confront him because I don't want to out his mom but at the same time he always turns the arguments on me and things that I have lied about in the past. What do I do he can be very scary when he is mad

[MissCanuck]

You need to end this dead, toxic relationship once and for all. There is no future here, and it seems you know this but are afraid to break up with him. You don't need to out his mother - you have plenty of other reasons to end it without divulging that you know he's not going where he says he is.

 

What do you mean he can be very scary when he is mad? If you are concerned for your safety, please go somewhere you and your children will be secure.

[Sostressedout]

He is much bigger than me he yells a lot and can be physical at times. He is very possessive and controlling but yet he makes me feel like I'm the one who is doing him wrong. He keeps me isolated o have no friends, my parents are dead he is all that I have. I've taken care of him since we've been together , he can do whatever he wants to me, sexually emotionally, he says that o be long to him when I've tried to leave he threatens to hurt himself I can't have that on my conscious. I'm a good person have been in nothing butabuaive relationships isn't that the norm. They always say that maybe its not them something must be wrong with me that thats all om worth to him I give him everything I have he lives in my house. But I have to be the kind of woman he wants.

[MissCanuck]

No, you have to be the kind of woman you want.

 

This jerk is a bottom-feeding abuser. If you have taken care of him, you are clearly capable of taking care of yourself and your children without him draining your resources. You can have a healthy life again, if you find the strength to the lose the dead, toxic weight that is your boyfriend. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the children who are no doubt being negatively affected by growing up in an abusive home. They didn't ask for this and they don't have a choice - make the healthy one for them. They deserve a lot better than this, and you can be the person to give it to them.

 

End it. If he threatens to hurt himself, phone emergency services immediately. Do not allow him to manipulate you like that. Tell his mom that he will need a place to live. Kick him out, change the locks.

 

And please do seek counseling. Your mindset is very concerning and you need a good, qualified therapist to help you learn how to love yourself.

[Sostressedout]

I was seeing a therapist however that caused an argument as well he acted like he was supportive but when we argue or he gets mad he says things like I'm a crazy b. He doesn't say too much to me now I just always feel as though I'm not doing something right. My kids love him he is the only father that they know, I just don't understand what it us that I'm doing wrong as to why he has to be thus way towards me. How can I love and be affectionate when I don't feel it towards myself. He doesn't give me any of the attention and affection he requires. I thought being a good woman and showing how I want to be treated I would recieve the same in return. I dont know how to leave

[MissCanuck]

You are trying to prove yourself to the wrong person. That is the problem and that is what you're going wrong. He won't change; his abusive behaviour is because of his problems, not yours.

 

Honestly, this is not the father figure your kids need or deserve. A good father is also kind and respectful to their mother, because he understands how important it is for children to see and feel love around them. This man is instead modeling atrocious behaviour for those precious little ones and doing untold damage to them every time he abuses you - emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually. You are not doing them any favours by staying with him. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 

When you say you don't know how to leave, what do you mean, exactly? Logistically? Emotionally? Get yourself back into therapy anyway. It isn't your boyfriend's call and to hell with him if he doesn't support it. You need to get this man out of your life, as soon as possible. He is doing so much harm to you and your children.