Am I being played or is he really interested and this is all a mishap?

[kybaby27]

This is the most confused I have EVER been! I am a 27 year old female, teacher, attractive woman, and I reached out to a 23 year old, good-looking Firefighter/EMT on Bumble app. We went out last Tuesday for a drink... It was a Tuesday so we were alone in the bar, seeming to hit off our conversation, he held my hand there, we had our first kiss, it was smooth and GREAT. As we walked to my car, he made a point of walking closest to the street to keep me safe, held my hand the whole time, we made out... I ended up following him to his house and yes, we had hooked up and it was seemingly perfect. He texted me that night telling me how excited he was and he hopes we work out, how he finds me amazing, etc...

 

Next day he says he HAS to see me sooner. Well, I ended up going to his place 2 days later. Yes, we couldn't keep our hands off each other as he brought me in his room right away and we had hooked up again. After that, he brought me out to meet his roommates. They knew who I was as one of them asked how I like teaching in that grade level. In my head I thought "Wow, this guy must really like me to talk about me to them right away." The guy even comforted me by rubbing my back and sitting by me while I talked to his roommates. Then we went and cuddled and watched a movie. The guy kept making future references "I will cook for you all the time because I'm really good and you can eventually take over" or "I'll show you all around this town" or "I'll buy you the gun you want if you get me the money because I have a friend who can get you a discount" or "I can update your tv to have a Firestick for you with this service sometime, all I need is 20 minutes." SO many future references. For about an hour he constantly held me close and kissed my head and cheek so sweetly (I mean, what kinda uninterested man does that extra stuff?!) I had to leave.. and man was it hard to leave each other as we couldn't stop kissing.

 

Couple minutes later after I left I get "God I like you so much!" He was always so CLEAR about telling me how much he likes me, he would say "probably too much" or "I'm seriously your biggest fan" just so much sweet things that would give me butterflies. He would make a point of asking ME how I felt about him, to make sure we are on the "same page." He said he knew he liked me with in minutes and I said I felt the same. He voluntarily said "I used to mess around but I have grown up a lot and you make me really want commitment." In texts he would hint on me being his girlfriend, he would say his goal was for me to be that but we still need to get to know each other. I agreed...

 

Well our next date came and at about 2pm in the afternoon he said "you're gonna be mad but I can't see you tonight because I got called in for mandatory EMT today." I understood, because that happens... But then I think, why didn't he make a point of telling me in the morning so I wasn't waiting all day? I let it go because he apologized and said he'll promise to make it up to me... Next day, he reschedule for 5 days later. In my head I was like "Hm... why was he so in a hurry to see me sooner before and now he can wait longer?" So we texted on and off those days, time between getting texts back from him got slower, he stopped using so many cute words or pet names (even before meeting him he said "hey love/babe/etc.) One day he stopped texting me in the afternoon and texted me back in the morning "Hey babe I am sorry I didn't reply, I got caught up in work and then crashed at home." I understood again because they have LONG hours and are so busy.

 

He kept initiating a text each day, sometimes not as sweet, but I assumed since he was reaching out he still really liked me. I would always wait for him to start a convo. Well, when Thursday came (day of our 3rd date), I reached out and said good morning and asked him to confirm plans for later... Nothing. I reached out hours again... Still nothing. I told my best friend this and she texted him and played stupid like she was a friend of his and an instant reply. So then I waited.. Gave him the benefit of the doubt. 10 pm I get a text saying "I haven't heard from you all day.." I said "Oh really?" Then he sends me a screenshot of our texts. I assumed he deleted all my texts from that day because there were none there. I look at my name in his contacts and since my name as "Kyle Curr WORK." (Kyle is very close to my real name and I don't work with him.) Instantly I thought, omg I'm being played and he is hiding me...I called him out on that and he said he didn't notice that until I said something and his phone auto-corrected it to that. I said ok.. Well let's reschedule tomorrow, but I'm skeptical and I'd like to talk this all out in person. He said ok and he is free after 5pm.

 

I text him that next morning after HE reached out saying goodmorning. I asked him to confirm plans for 6pm as he said he was free after 5pm. Nothing... All day until 7pm where he said he "Just got out of class." I said "Oh Okay". And I thought he did that bull again to me.

 

So then this morning I texted him very abruptly and literally (out of normal character) said "f-word (won't let me type the real word here lol)" you, I thought what we had was real and I liked you, hopefully you stop lying and stop your player ways. Sincerely, Kyle Curr from Work (in case whoever you're hiding me from sees this.) HE INSTANTLY texts back and says "First of all, I wasn't hiding you. Second of all, I really liked you and hoped we worked out, third of all, you said "oh okay" And I thought you weren't interested or needed space so I gave you that." Of course I instantly felt bad and wanted to apologize... But I gave in and said I was sorry for my nastiness but I have been waiting for you and he has left me so confused. I said I was waiting for him to confirm plans all day, but he didn't. I said I still wanted to see him and maybe the reason for our disconnect has been texting. I asked him if he wanted to see me and he still wants to and asked me if I want to. I said yes. Then he asked me if we can on Monday. I said yes...

 

I think if I called him out on all of that and it was true, he would have just disappeared and never respond with those excuses or reasons each time (whatever they are?) Or maybe he is just very good at playing and doesn't want to lose me as an option.. So many questions. Maybe he's just young and truly doesn't know how to treat a woman yet. I am just afraid I am allowing myself to be manipulated, but I don't want to throw away this if it is something good. I just DON'T understand him. Anybody have any advice or thoughts on this?????

[Jibralta]

So then this morning I texted him very abruptly and basically said you, I thought what we had was real and I liked you, hopefully you stop lying and stop your player ways. Sincerely, Kyle Curr from Work (in case whoever you're hiding from sees this.)

 

Haha!!

 

Or maybe he is just very good at playing and doesn't want to lose me as an option.. So many questions. Maybe he's just young and truly doesn't know how to treat a woman yet. I am just afraid I am allowing myself to be manipulated, but I don't want to throw away this if it is something good. I just DON'T understand him. Anybody have any advice or thoughts on this?????

 

I think he's a nutball, and he'll take you to Crazytown if you keep making excuses for him.

[katrina1980]

 

I think he's a nutball, and he'll take you to Crazytown if you keep making excuses for him.

 

Well said!

[itsallgrand]

He sure layed it on thick, didn't he?! No alarm bells went off for you then?

 

I think this is a waste of your time, as you clearly would like to date someone with an interest in you. He's not interested in dating ( actions, not words), and he's not interested in you. But it's nothing personal, you don't even know each other.

 

What I think is he likes the quick bed, the quick excitement of conquest, and he's probably got a whole bunch of women in and out of that apartment. He's in his early twenties living with roommates, it's not that uncommon for roomies to be polite to those who come and go.

 

Don't overthink it. Just tweak your dating process if you are looking for a potential boyfriend ( if you just want casual sex, you'd still do well to weed out the ones who are so obviously full of 💩 .

[dundermiflin]

I think he's a meatball; find someone else! It's interesting how he is able to text unless it's about making plans to see you, Kyle from Work. My phone doesn't autocorrect when I enter contacts, and if it did, I would notice if it added "from work" to the end of it. So he overwrote his work friend's contact info with yours? Too weird.

[kybaby27]

Naturally, I want to keep making excuses!!! Ugh! What if I am the one who truly messed it up by texting him such vulgar words today? What if it was a mistake and I did that and he was my soulmate or something. Man, I can be impulsive. Or perhaps I took his bait too fast and he got disinterested, which caused the lapse in communicate and desire to follow through with plans and make things up. Hm... Hopefully I can persuade my brain that he truly is a nutball and I am not the crazy one.

[kybaby27]

Okay, well update. I texted him now and said "Honestly, I ruined things with today's text didn't I?" He said "No... your friend definitely didn't help the situation. (not sure if he is referring to my best friend texting him without them telling me after me sending a screenshot or something or if he found out that the random text he got Thursday night was from my friend. I said "Omg.. what did she say" He said "I deleted her texts. I said "Can we pretend none of this happened and start again Monday?" He said "We can definitely try" I said "I really had no idea about that. I am genuinely sorry for everything. I like you and liked how things felt with you and was just disappointed those days. I hope you somewhat understand?" He said "I understand and it's alright" I said "Okay... I can make it up to you somehow. And now he is not replying anymore/fast like he was with those texts. Should I bank on Monday happening? Or should I keep texting him or not keep texting him? Wow I feel like a fool for everything right now. Even if we see each other Monday, how will I act? Act like nothing truly happened or discuss this?

[mandeelove]

Honestly, it happens sometimes so NO judgement, but I think you got physical too quick. His words are bcuz hes infatuated with your body and the physical side. He only knew u briefly so I cant see that he means those future references. You arent exclusive and you got physical so theres a chances hes got other girls hes doing that with. He prob does want to see you but he got what he desired so why does he have to lay it on thick anymore? Thats why the texts got less etc. Thats how I see it. I dont think you can backtrack with this guy. But u can distance yourself totally and if he comes to you and very consistantly, then u know you have something.

[Jibralta]

Naturally, I want to keep making excuses!!! Ugh! What if I am the one who truly messed it up by texting him such vulgar words today? What if it was a mistake and I did that and he was my soulmate or something. Man, I can be impulsive. Or perhaps I took his bait too fast and he got disinterested, which caused the lapse in communicate and desire to follow through with plans and make things up. Hm... Hopefully I can persuade my brain that he truly is a nutball and I am not the crazy one.

 

You're being a little neurotic. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes you vulnerable to people who take advantage. I think you should bet on nutball. But you may need to go through the wringer a few times before you accept that there are people who feed off of neurotics.

[kybaby27]

I agree. I am definitely being neurotic. I do believe he is a nutball but I still wish I could give it a chance. So as far as him saying "How about Monday?" for seeing each other again, should I just drop it and let him initiate if he truly wants to see me then?

[Jibralta]

Yes, I think that would be the best plan. Actually the BEST plan would be to erase him from your mind and move on. But if you must give him another chance, then letting him initiate is better than overextending yourself again.