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Hey people, This is my first time on here so please be gentle.


I am married (although that is up in the air)

6 months ago I started a new job and pretty much instantly felt a spark with my new manager.

I had never had feelings for someone of the same sex before so obviously I was totally confused and just generally torn up.


I hid my feelings from her but just knew (gut instinct) that she had feelings for me too

I had been so desperately unhappy with my marriage and intended to end it but didn't know how.

Last wednesday I decided to tell my manager about my feelings to gauge how she felt and to give her the opportunity to move me teams etc and she was amazing about it and said we could have a really amazing friendship and I thought that was it, then she said she wanted to talk about it when we weren't in work. However the flirting and talking constantly on IM ramped right up ( she has always been touchy feely in general but so more so with me).

Anyway she had a weeks leave this week and knew I had a day off too and asked me to meet her. We went for a drive and she confirmed to me she had feelings too and elaborated more on how unhappy she had been at home, I already knew about that. , we kissed , touched it was one of the best days of my life. I arranged another day off during her time off and we arranged to meet again but the night before, my husband saw our messages and everything kicked off. I contacted her after he left to let her know what was going on.


A few hours later she asked if she could still see me I was unsure but said yes.. next message I got about 20 minutes later

she told she she had just broken up with her partner and had told her all about me.


I genuinely thought ok this is it we can get through this together. All the things she had said, the fact she left her girlfriend.. all led me to believe we had something. Then she said her girlfriend wanted to see her, she went and a few hours later I got a text saying 'I've been with ****** for so long and we have so much to work out. I need to say goodbye to you if I want to try and make this work,'

I sent her a message to ask for closure, to know if her feelings were ever real. She hasn't responded. I'm heartbroken. I trusted her with my feelings and she ran back to safety. I cant sleep, eat, I'm in so much pain. I just want to know if she is feeling any aching for me.

How do I get over this?

PS so sorry for the length and well done if you got to the end. I just really have no one to talk to

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My two cents are that she meant what she said about having been with her partner for so long that she owed it to her to try to work it out. I don't think she will respond to you much more as she tries to mend things.


I know it's terrible, but you have to move on. It is soooo common for people to go back to the one they were with, even if there were big problems with that relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if she still really liked you, but she made a choice.


This is the downside of going for someone who is taken. I'm sure she was excited about you. But she's not ready and may never be.


The best you can do is be strong, be healthy, stay away from her after letting her know you understand but you can't be her friend. At some point it's possible she will be sorry she lost you if you seem level-headed and wonderful without her. But you can't wait around for that. Hopefully you can move departments.

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Thank you.. what you have said makes perfect sense.

Yes our bosses at work now know and I have been temporarily moved until they can find me a permanent spot.

She is back to work tomorrow and I have taken the steps to block her from our IM etc and have asked that one of my team mates who knows the whole story can let me know when she is out of the building on lunch so I can go clear my desk without seeing her.

It's going to be so hard because even before anything actually happened we had a very close bond and spoke all day, I've lost the friendship too. However I have accepted that this is what I need to do to get over her and move on.


Thank you again

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Yeah sorry; how painful. You'll be ok though. Remember that eventually you'll fall in love again. You just have to stay positive and get through this. I imagine she is hurting too. Her current relationship will still have the same problems it did when she wanted to leave, and then you might look really good to her again. If so, be very careful. Only go for it if she's 100% available and over the other one. Not that that will happen, but she might try to come back someday. Don't hope for it but be prepared. Make yourself strong and happy and amazing, for your own good and for the good of the next love you find!

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