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Return gifts or not?


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At the beginning of the year my best friend and I had a huge falling out. Long story short, I tried my damnedest to try and fix us and she didn't.


For the first few months I did everything I could to stay in her life, even if it was to a lesser extent than it had been before. I answered every call and text and Snapchat. I was ridiculously happy when her name would pop up on my phone (which was not often at all). For months she held be at arms length and finally I came to realization that she wouldn't let me back in. I started pulling away, stopped answering her, started cutting ties. It's what I do.


The final straw for us came after I asked for a loan back. I had just moved and was hurting for money so I asked for an eta (it had been nearly a year since loaning a couple hundred). I acknowledged it was an awkward situation but I didn't want to let her get away with not paying me back. She is the kind of person who slides through life with someone always bailing her out. I wanted to hold her accountable. And yes, I know you should never loan money to friends or family but I loved her too much to say no in her time of need. My asking resulted in her blocking me on all social media.


Now I'll be the first to admit that there are some simmering resentments that I never got to voice to her but at this point I just want her out of my life; she made me feel so unimportant and small. I've been toying with the idea of rounding up all the gifts she's given me and mailing them back to her. I don't want them and it honestly hurts to see them. I need some opinions about returning gifts. Thanks y'all.

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Naaah, sell them to regain some of the money she owes you, and file a small claim for the rest.


It makes no sense to make a dramatic move to add more stuff to her bounty when she owes you money. If the stuff isn't sellable, give it to charity, burn it in the backyard, whatever--but the gesture of returning it comes off as a bit pathetic and desperate. I'd rather decide that the one thing this person can't take is my pride.


Head high.

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No. If you were friends for a long time, those items are yours. Its not like you were engaged and are giving back the ring, you know? I think returning things she gave you over the years would just twist the knife.


I would not take her to small claims court. If you had nothing notarized - it was a gift. just move forward.

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I agree with Catfeeder & abitbroken, don't return the gifts. You need to stay above that kind of low behavior. I know it must be hard to look at them and remember the wonderful times you had with your friend in the past. Just get rid of them, selling or burning are good ideas. You also need to consider the money you gave her as gone. Pretend like you donated that money to charity.


At least you can say you did your best to fix the friendship. Now it's time for you to move on and use this friendship as a learning experience. Block her from your phone so she can't contact you either. She already blocked you on social media so you don't have to worry about that.


Good luck!

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