Just friends?

[Mama12]

Hi so after a horrible horrible long term break up a couple of years ago Im finally in a relationship with a new person,,We have been going out for about three years now,,all going well until,,,He has a female friend and they are friends for years and years,he is communicating with her a lot more recently and arranging to go out(last minute etc)for drinks etc,,no problem with that until lately(me not him),,The "fear"is back,,I have heard that little sentence before"shes just my friend,,nothing more",,the ex ended up marrying this"friend"2 years after we broke up,,So,,feeling/reading into signs again ,,do I trust them both to stay as friends or do I let him go afraid that it will happen no matter what I do again,,I really feel hurt by this and its noones fault but mine and I cant help how I feel,,,I am at a loss here and I dont want to come across jealous(which im not,,but I would say insecure as it has happened to me before)Do I talk to him or just leave it and either trust him or let it eat me if I say nothing at all?I want to be his"person"he texts when things are going wrong AND right in his job/family life,,because he s mine .....

[rosephase]

Yes you should talk to him. Don't demand anything of him. But let him know how you are feeling. When you are feeling insecure it should be okay to ask a partner for reassurance. Owning your insecurity is great. But that doesn't mean you have to deal with it alone. You have a hard scary history with female friends. It's okay to talk about that.

[Mama12]

HI and thanks for your reply,,Im not sure what to say to him or actually more like how to bring it up,its little things that are like"signals" to me now,,warning signs from previous experience,I am not a jealous person and neither is he but Im just feeling down about this when I know he has done nothing wrong,he is my person that I call when Im having a bad day at work and yesterday he rang late and says"Oh I rang S and she was telling me about the guy in work that they all have trouble with"etc,some things should be just for couples I just have a very hard time lately feeling that he does indeed love me and that I am starting to compare myself/home/ with her,,feeling like I'm the boring type compared to her,,, its not her personally,its me that feels this way and she would probably be really shocked if she knew I feel this way,but this is from past experience not present,I dont want to feel this way nor do I want to regret it(again)in the future thinking how the signals were there and I never acted on it before he did,,,,

[kaymonty0206]

Hi so after a horrible horrible long term break up a couple of years ago Im finally in a relationship with a new person,,We have been going out for about three years now,,all going well until,,,He has a female friend and they are friends for years and years,he is communicating with her a lot more recently and arranging to go out(last minute etc)for drinks etc,,no problem with that until lately(me not him),,The "fear"is back,,I have heard that little sentence before"shes just my friend,,nothing more",,the ex ended up marrying this"friend"2 years after we broke up,,So,,feeling/reading into signs again ,,do I trust them both to stay as friends or do I let him go afraid that it will happen no matter what I do again,,I really feel hurt by this and its noones fault but mine and I cant help how I feel,,,I am at a loss here and I dont want to come across jealous(which im not,,but I would say insecure as it has happened to me before)Do I talk to him or just leave it and either trust him or let it eat me if I say nothing at all?I want to be his"person"he texts when things are going wrong AND right in his job/family life,,because he s mine .....

 

Your in a relationships tel him how you feel for sure!!! You deserve that and so does he... or else it will just eat away at it... and if he gets defensive than he’s hiding something for sure. He should respect him. As you would respect him if he came to you with honesty and truth.