I just want to understand what is going on ...

[PrettyBoy87]

I decided to write here because first of all, I need it out of my chest and second of all, maybe you can help me understand.

 

So, I have met someone at work and we hit it off very quickly. Of course, with my luck I have met her during the last 10 days of my work which lasted 3 months... Anyway, we get close very quickly, I ask her to dinner on our second day of work together and she says yes. We end up ordering takeaway in my hotel room (we had rooms paid by work and we share hat room with someone else of the same sex; he wasn't in that night). We lie in bed next to each other, watch TV, speak a lot, laugh, have a great time. Two days after, we end up in my room again, by ourselves again, we watch something on Netflix and begin to fool around. We don't have sex, which is ok because it is something that just started and I don't want to rush things anyway. But for me, from that day we started something, seeing each other.

 

For the rest of work, we hang around every night, mostly in her room with her roommate present but we cuddle, we get very close, we get to know each other. We have one more night where it's just her and I, and I think that night would be the night for our first time but she tells me no, that she is not shaved. That's when I start wondering, we are having a great time together, she told me she really likes me but she doesn't think that something could happen and shaves just in case? Anyway, it is still okay for me, I really like her, I have feelings for her and I just figure that it will happen when it will happen. We already discussed stating dating after work is finish, she spoke to me like she was thinking about it like that is what she wants.

 

On the last day of work, she seems upset in the morning and she tells me that her ex wants her back and that she is thinking about it.. They were together for 3 years about to get married, she had the dress and everything paid for but he cheated on her again (he did at least 3 times but she always took him back) and she broke it off couple of months before we started working together so it was still fresh.. Later that day, I sent her a long text (might of been a mistake, should have told her face to face but not the point.) saying that I had strong feelings for her and wanted to be with her but that I didn't want to make things harder for her so that if she wanted, I would take a step back and giver her time to figure things out. After work, we sat together to talk about that text. She told me that she likes me, she cares about me but that it was too soon for her to consider going into a new relationship, that if we would have met several months later, it would have been better timing and that we could of have something special. She also tells me that we can still see each other but we wouldn't be exclusive, that she needed to be selfish right now, that she wouldn't actively look for other men but if the opportunity presented itself, she wouldn't say no. If you ask me, it's fair enough, she deserves that but of course, it hurt me but I said that I understood, that I still wanted to see her and that I would fight for her.

 

She went home Monday morning and I waited a bit to text her but I did, just casually asking how was her first day back, she took a while but she texted me back. And then this Tuesday, I sent her another message asking her to tell me when it would be a good time to call her just to have a chat and I never heard back but I know she read my message.

 

Obviously, I haven't written everything that happened here, it would be too long, but I really thought that she liked me and for me, when you like someone, you answer him, even if it's a short text saying "can't right now, will text you later" or anything! Am I crazy? Am I too naive about relationships, about girls? She is the first girl I have been with after two years of being single.. I am having a harder time than I care to admit..

 

What do you guys think?

[Jibralta]

I think you should take her at face value: she doesn't want to be with you in an exclusive capacity. She is being honest with you. I don't think she will appreciate you fighting her on this. Rather, it's best to respect her wishes. If you're looking for a commitment, this is not the girl for you. Not right now, and maybe not ever.

[RedDress]

No offense, but texting someone every day when they've already told you they don't want a relationship is a pretty bad idea.

 

You are completely ignoring everything she said to you...

[PrettyBoy87]

But we said we would continue to see each other even if it is a casual thing, so surely texting like once a day is ok no?

[MissCanuck]

No, texting every day is not casual.

 

Look, she was trying to be gentle with you. She's not interested. You might hang out here and there, but she doesn't want to date. You would be wise to move along, so you can find someone who reciprocates your feelings.