Sunflower93 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Well I don't know where to begin, I could go in forever so I'll try at keep it short. Basically I met my ex last august and I wasn't looking for a relationship but he pursued me so heavily almost to the point of obsession, I gave in and we moved wayyyy faster than I was comfortable with but I just went with it. He told me he loved me after 3 days and we basically lived together after that because he never left my apartment and eventually he lost his place after the 2nd month and he was renting his room out anyways so he was fully living with me at that point. I've never had a real boyfriend only "situations" so I was very naive and innocent in all of this. I thought it was live at first sight for him that's why he was so "all in" after only a few days. I guess I didn't realize he was just trying to skip ahead to the big stuff bc he had all of those this with His ex before she left him. The relationship was honestly pretty awful bc he has a lot of anger issues and I had no idea what moving so fast would mean, i.e. Money problems, not getting to comfortable, still keeping each other first. Regardless of his many issues I came to love him so deeply I would do anything for him and I pretty much did. We would argue so violently it even became physical a few times but it was both of us in the beginning and I was so heartbroken from him allowing his anger to control him like that. More towards the end of the relationship he was the only one that would still occasionally snap and push me or bite me. I stayed with him bc I he hard a horrible past and I thought he needed someone to not give up on him for once. We were together 9 months and during that time it came to light that he had talked to girls a few times and he would just call them cute through text or something like that's only what I found who knows what else they said. I still stayed because I loved him so furiously I didn't even care what he did anymore. At least not enough to leave. Then my lease ended and we had to move to separate places cuz we couldn't afford our own place. He was pushing me away like never before at this point. Keep in mind 90% of our crazy arguments we're me saying he doesn't give me any attention and is always doing his own this and him saying he needs space and he wants to hang out with our roommate to play ps4 and stupid stuff like that. He was pushing me away so far and even got a dog after we had talked for MONTHS about getting a dog when we get our own place. Plus a dog is at LEAST a 10 year decision he just made without me. I was so heartbroken you cannot believe. He had told me almost daily he wants forever with me and he wants to marry me and wants to have kids with me. He BEGGED me to believe he loved me and to never give up on him like everyone else has. And you know what, my naive stupid heart did believe him and that's why I loved him so strongly I thought we were in this together forever no matter what obstacles came. And I needed so much convincing cuz I've never been in love before and I was so scared of getting hurt after everything I've been through. Ok flash forward to this summer, after 9 months of chaos and toxicity the final heart break for me was the dog, so I told him I want to break up only, as unhealthy as it is, we broke up and got back together constantly. So I thought this was the same old thing and we would work it out. But this time was different bc he said that I broke up with him and he needs "time". But don't worry, we still were sleeping together and being extremely unhealthy so there's that. Only while I was a crying sniveling mess begging him to tell me what I did wrong and why he pushed me away he STILL kept saying he just needs time and to figure himself out. The ENTIRE time he was telling me this he was talking to sooo many girls desperately trying to get them to sleep with him. Ugh I hate even writing this but I was so desperate to get him to love me I honestly just ignored that he was doing that plus he lied to me every time I saw him and said he wasn't talking to anyone he was just working and doing him. I loved that boy like I've never loved anything I was reeling from out "break up" all summer, and though he was phasing me out bc he would see me less and less, we were still kind of in a weird place cuz he was still telling me that he needs time. I knew we weren't together but it felt like maybe he would find himself or whatever he needed to do and come back to me. I finally got to happy place this month and I thought I was handling our break up better finally cuz I was pretty much suicidal before, only I wanted to see him still and I thought we could be friends or something. He always told me we would at least be friends. Only this weekend he finally told me "we didn't work im focusing in other things now" and I told him what happened to you saying you always want to be there why can't we be friends then he said "I'm moving on" and that's all I got from him. So this entirely long story was to say that now I feel the greatest pain I've ever felt in my life, I didn't even go to work today I feel like we're breaking up all over again and that pain was already to great to deal with. I HATE that he just gave up on me and never gave me a chance to fix whatever caused him to start pushing me away. I HATE that HES moving on, if anyone should move on it should be me. He had me believing he "just needed time" all summer long only to come to this. I loved him so much I would do anything for him, all I can do is obsess over everything that happened and I know I did everything I could but it just feels like such a loss. I can't understand how he doesn't miss me when I feel like I will never love again. He should at LEAST miss me not be moving on and so happy on his own after he begged me to love him. It's so unfair and I honestly don't know how to handle this. I feel like quitting my job and just staying in bed until however long it takes me to stop crying which feels like months from now. And I've already been crying for 4 months now it's like I started all over. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.